Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?

Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?


When it comes to our own problems...we are at a lost? Why can't we ever take our own advice and make it work for our marriage. And for the few that do, how do you apply your advice to your marriage. I can tell a person all day LEAVE OR....this or that. But let me face the same issue it's like W..T..F...Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
Because it the right answer is always clearer to the person on the outside looking in. When it is our own situation, we look at it with rose-colored glasses and emotions fog our ability to make clear and concise choices.





It is always easy to tell someone to leave, but when you are the person that needs to leave, your emotions can get the best of you and literally make you blind to the problems that are obvious and right in front of you. Like they say-love is blind. Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
I think experience has a lot to do with it. I've been married for 22 years and I've been through so much that my advice is only rarely theoretical - usually, it's something I've already done. One point I'd like to stress, though, is that in the over 3,000 questions I have answered, I have only recommended divorce on a small handful of occasions, usually involving intractable, serial cheating. And that's because, for me, leaving my spouse would be theoretical. It is a ';solution'; I have never attempted and hope never to be in a position where it seems like the best idea.
I have learned over the last few years not to give advice. I always felt that I knew exactly what I or someone else should do in a given situation, but once it happens (such as a cheating spouse), you find that what you thought you would or should do may be different. I try to just be there for my friends when they are in need, that is the best way that I can help.
Your own problems will involve subjective input, which is a normal response because we are emotionally involved within the issue at hand. Someone else's problems do not involve you emotionally, therefore you can be objective. It doesn't mean there are two standards, it really means there are two very normal and distinct responses due to the involvement of emotions or not.
I'm certain that if I have to face a problem/issue, then I would take my own advice. I'm sure there are many situations that would hurt me, or bruise my ego. My life is nowhere near perfect and I do sometimes ask for help on here myself. I've faced a lot of the same problems in my past/youth that I often see on here. But I'm older, and wiser now and certainly know what's in my best interest. If I'd only known then, what I know now........ ;)
I think its just wishful thinking on everyones problem. wishing our spouse would change this or that when really deep down they'r not gonna do it, so ya its better to give advice then to receive it. or people could just be jelouse of the fact you might be right about who you really are or the other person. change can be hard to do we are not perfect and we all live and learn right?
Some things are easier said than done...





I know that leaving a husband of many years is hard. And I think that is why so many stick around and continue to live in unhappiness...





But if they only realized how much happier they would be without a loser - they might be strong to invest in their own future and happiness.
This is a great question - it's easy to have perspective on other people's problems but it's a lot harder when it's your own shoes you're walking in. I'm sure my advice to myself would be very different than what I'm actually doing.





Maybe it's easier to justify misery to yourself than to others?





Great question Sassy!
i just try to remove my emotion from it. it doesnt get you anywhere but 1/2 way to crazy. ill write the pros and cons to see them in black and white for what they really are. then ask myself, K is this really what you want? Ive been in that spot twice and it worked for me. Just have to keep what is real and what you wish seprate.
it makes me feel good to let out, good or bad advice to others, because i was given the advice too. good or bad. it doesn't really matter, its what you decide to do about it. and stick to ur guns. regret is the worst feeling. we all are good counselors to others. by doing this we don't have to think about our own problems. and we then think we don't have it so bad after all. then we move forward.
Because our emotions are not attached to the situation being discussed. It's easy to stand on the outside and be able to see clearly what is going on but when you are in the middle of it, emotions can cloud your vision.
Its difficult to take our own advice because we have a feeling that it won't work in that situation in our marriage. It just seems easier to help someone else out whose having problems while we tend to ignore our own advise.
Because we know what needs to be done to fix our own problems, we are just not BRAVE enough to do them...it's sad, actually. I should take some of my own advice! ;-) I've often pondered this same question myself, thanks for asking!
I only answer to questions I can relate to and learned to make changes for the better of our relationship.
i understand what you saying because as the saying goes its easier said than done we can give the advice but its hard for us to put it onto practise
I usually don't give advice unless I've gone through a situation that came out pretty well. Or else, I put the question on my watchlist, so I can get the answers too!
Its eaiser to be objective when its someone elses problem.
each person is different but it always easier to give advice than to take it
Its easy to read about it and think about it but once you in it you are blind.
because we are answering the question and have no emotional ties. so it appears clear to us.
simple all married people cant give the best advice.
Sister I am in your exact shoes. Thats because leaving sounds easier than it is.
because if i took my own advice my husband would back hand me like a b*tch!
Because we can read their problems and see them as black %26amp; white, while our own lives seem gray!!!





Its normal. Just follow your heart and remember that we were given life to LIVE...so live and be happy!