Be honest with your husband and boyfriend...and figure out who do you want to be with....if you say your husband then see if he wants to still be with you and go from their!Pls.advice me im married with 2 kids,then now i got pregnant with my b.f what can i do?
in your life the most important things are suppose to be your kids. you shouldn't have been doing wrong, when did you have the time? it seems to me that you don't love your husband, so be honest with your husband and tell him the truth he doesn't deserve to be lied to. as far as your bf he needs to take responsibility for his actions. its not the babies fault so don't do anything stupid. you but yourself through this and now its the time to grow up and make the right decisions. good luckPls.advice me im married with 2 kids,then now i got pregnant with my b.f what can i do?
So basically you cheated on your husband with a boyfriend?? Thats really horrible!!
If you really want to know my answer- you have to be answer. Dont go and have sex with your husband and then say that your pregnant. You either tell him,
or get a termination before he finds out which would be hard to pull off..either wat YOUR IN TROUBLE~~
I can't see anyway out of this as your husband is going to find out. And you might end up losing your husband, kids %26amp; boyfriend.
Why did you do such a stupid thing. What are your kids going to think of there Mom.
Sorry, but your on your own with this one.
Wow you have got yourself in a deep hole here. Nothing to do but be honest and suffer the repercussions. This ones all on you. Good luck.
Pls rush immdtly to nursing home and get aborted. what r u thinking to carryon and give birth to ur hell life. How on earth u van have sex without protection......
Wow! That's just wrong! If your married then you shouldn't have a bf!
OOOOOO....You're in big trouble missy!!!
RUN FAST
lame!now die
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I need marital advice. I have been married to this man for over 2 years, but we have been together for 7.?
He hasn't worked a day of our relationship, and he has nowhere to go, besides on the streets... My problem? Our marriage is completely miserable. We argue everyday about something... and I'm at the point to where I wish he weren't in the picture anymore. I really want him gone, but then I start feeling guilty thinking about him being out in the streets. What can I do? He won't even agree to go into marriage counseling. I need marital advice. I have been married to this man for over 2 years, but we have been together for 7.?
First off, why hasn't he ever worked? That would be a good sign of someone that just doesn't want any responsibility - and marriage is a big responsibility. I will also hazard a guess that this has been the source of some fights/contention in the marriage. It's never easy when one person feels like they pull all the weight in the relationship.
Next off, you have to ask yourself whether you think that the marriage is worth saving. From your comments, though it seems to me that you've answered that one, and have decided no. And since he won't agree to marriage counseling, it shows that he either, doesn't recognize that there's an issue, or doesn't care enough to fix it.
Third, he is not your responsibility. It's important for you to remind yourself that. He's not your child. He's a grown man, and he can fend for himself. If he can't, it might be time he learned.
As a bit of a consolation to you, remember that, there are often plenty of opportunities for assistance for people getting on their feet. He will just have to actually do some work and look for them. I don't know where you live, but here in the states, there are job training opportunities, financial assistance or people who qualify (and sometimes even people who SHOULDN'T qualify, but that's another thing all together).
It sounds as though there are issues in the marriage that may not be repairable because he has no desire to work with you to fix them.
I wish you the best of luck and that you find happier days in the near future. I need marital advice. I have been married to this man for over 2 years, but we have been together for 7.?
Hello Jennifer,
I think you know what you need to do - cut if off. It certainly does not sound like a healthy relationship. Even though it is beyond difficult sometimes we need to do what is right in spite of our feelings.
Your husband will never stand up and take care of himself if you do it for him, and since he is not a child, you should NOT be doing it for him!
If I were you I'd consider moving if you can and get yourself totally out of the picture. Beyond that, get some good counseling yourself so you will be able to feel strong and confident again. Hang out with friends who will support you in this time of need.
Best wishes,
Diane
If you feel that bad about it then give him a heads up %26amp; let him prepare. He'll need to get a job %26amp; save for a deposit on an apartment. If you want to split some furniture with him you'll get him out faster so he doesn't have to save for that too. I don't see anything wrong with letting him know. I did that before. My ex boyfriend %26amp; I lived together for 3 months while broken up. I didn't want to be with him but I didn't want him to starve either. He did what he had to do %26amp; he left. It sucked living together like that but I felt better about not chucking him out in the cold.
What did he do before you provided for him? Whatever it was, he can do it again. Even if it means going home to mommy.
I am a firm believer in looking out for myself. Not to sound like a b*tch, but life is too short to live it unhappy. Pack his bags, move him out, buy some Ben %26amp; Jerrys, wallow, then move on. You are better off without him.
he doesn't want help and unless he does you can't help him. save yourself
guilt is not a reason to stay in a marriage. He is a big boy, let him figure out where he is gonna go.fashion makeup your cosmetics
First off, why hasn't he ever worked? That would be a good sign of someone that just doesn't want any responsibility - and marriage is a big responsibility. I will also hazard a guess that this has been the source of some fights/contention in the marriage. It's never easy when one person feels like they pull all the weight in the relationship.
Next off, you have to ask yourself whether you think that the marriage is worth saving. From your comments, though it seems to me that you've answered that one, and have decided no. And since he won't agree to marriage counseling, it shows that he either, doesn't recognize that there's an issue, or doesn't care enough to fix it.
Third, he is not your responsibility. It's important for you to remind yourself that. He's not your child. He's a grown man, and he can fend for himself. If he can't, it might be time he learned.
As a bit of a consolation to you, remember that, there are often plenty of opportunities for assistance for people getting on their feet. He will just have to actually do some work and look for them. I don't know where you live, but here in the states, there are job training opportunities, financial assistance or people who qualify (and sometimes even people who SHOULDN'T qualify, but that's another thing all together).
It sounds as though there are issues in the marriage that may not be repairable because he has no desire to work with you to fix them.
I wish you the best of luck and that you find happier days in the near future. I need marital advice. I have been married to this man for over 2 years, but we have been together for 7.?
Hello Jennifer,
I think you know what you need to do - cut if off. It certainly does not sound like a healthy relationship. Even though it is beyond difficult sometimes we need to do what is right in spite of our feelings.
Your husband will never stand up and take care of himself if you do it for him, and since he is not a child, you should NOT be doing it for him!
If I were you I'd consider moving if you can and get yourself totally out of the picture. Beyond that, get some good counseling yourself so you will be able to feel strong and confident again. Hang out with friends who will support you in this time of need.
Best wishes,
Diane
If you feel that bad about it then give him a heads up %26amp; let him prepare. He'll need to get a job %26amp; save for a deposit on an apartment. If you want to split some furniture with him you'll get him out faster so he doesn't have to save for that too. I don't see anything wrong with letting him know. I did that before. My ex boyfriend %26amp; I lived together for 3 months while broken up. I didn't want to be with him but I didn't want him to starve either. He did what he had to do %26amp; he left. It sucked living together like that but I felt better about not chucking him out in the cold.
What did he do before you provided for him? Whatever it was, he can do it again. Even if it means going home to mommy.
I am a firm believer in looking out for myself. Not to sound like a b*tch, but life is too short to live it unhappy. Pack his bags, move him out, buy some Ben %26amp; Jerrys, wallow, then move on. You are better off without him.
he doesn't want help and unless he does you can't help him. save yourself
guilt is not a reason to stay in a marriage. He is a big boy, let him figure out where he is gonna go.
Im american and married a British Citizen. Now what? Advice?
I married a man from England in Feb. I am currently living with him in England. I am not able to work because I am here only on a travel visa (6 months.) We will be moving to the States when our paperwork moves forward.
First question:
1. What can I do so I may work within England until we move back? Is this process easy and fast?
2. How long will my hubands J1 work visa take?
3. When we have children in the USA, I know that my children will become American Citizens, but, will they have duel citizenship in England?
4. Where is the best country to consider having my children?
Thanks a million for your responses. What a difficult and long process this has become.Im american and married a British Citizen. Now what? Advice?
if you've been together more than five years already, just apply for citizenship now .: any children will have dual nationalities
you're likely 2need a permit 2work if you've been here less than 5 years subject 2 your status here
(alerady answered q 3)
i would naturally pick england as the best country 2have your children because i know it %26amp; its good but house and car prices in the usa are cheaper. but we have the nhs, our economy %26amp; our education system's not 2 bad either. i'd also consider the fact that we don't have as many guns here as there are in parts of america and that crime is generally quite low %26amp; getting lower... but in the end its your choice... i'd likely choose both countries as much as possible if i were you guys...Im american and married a British Citizen. Now what? Advice?
where did you get married in feb? US or UK?
I am not really sure about your first two questions, the law is so complicated, but you can ring or visit the nearest citizens advice bureau where you live and they will should be able to give you information on this.
3. Your children will automatically gain British citizenship by decent. So they will have dual nationality.
4. The best country to have your children is where you both feel the happiest.
Congrates on your marriage and good luck for the future.
You need to speak to your local Immigration Advisory Service ( independent), Citizens Advise Bureau or check out with the home office by phone, or all 3.
1%26gt; Start your own company doing anything you want, take any ';earnings'; as dividends. Alternatively you could employ your husband and take the money out that way.This is easy and fast. To apply for a National Insurance Number would take ages.
2%26gt; Sorry no knowledge.
3%26gt; Yes, they have British grandparents. PS I can see advantages in them just being British Citizens, tax national service etc.
4%26gt; Between Britain and America I can't see any difference as they can be
citizen of either. You could consider a thitd country for various reasons mainly
an escape route in wartime. On recent form we would probably be on the same side.
children must be born in usa, uk sucks, look for a job under the table, yes children will have a duet citizenship.
great... another immigrant!!!
First question:
1. What can I do so I may work within England until we move back? Is this process easy and fast?
2. How long will my hubands J1 work visa take?
3. When we have children in the USA, I know that my children will become American Citizens, but, will they have duel citizenship in England?
4. Where is the best country to consider having my children?
Thanks a million for your responses. What a difficult and long process this has become.Im american and married a British Citizen. Now what? Advice?
if you've been together more than five years already, just apply for citizenship now .: any children will have dual nationalities
you're likely 2need a permit 2work if you've been here less than 5 years subject 2 your status here
(alerady answered q 3)
i would naturally pick england as the best country 2have your children because i know it %26amp; its good but house and car prices in the usa are cheaper. but we have the nhs, our economy %26amp; our education system's not 2 bad either. i'd also consider the fact that we don't have as many guns here as there are in parts of america and that crime is generally quite low %26amp; getting lower... but in the end its your choice... i'd likely choose both countries as much as possible if i were you guys...Im american and married a British Citizen. Now what? Advice?
where did you get married in feb? US or UK?
I am not really sure about your first two questions, the law is so complicated, but you can ring or visit the nearest citizens advice bureau where you live and they will should be able to give you information on this.
3. Your children will automatically gain British citizenship by decent. So they will have dual nationality.
4. The best country to have your children is where you both feel the happiest.
Congrates on your marriage and good luck for the future.
You need to speak to your local Immigration Advisory Service ( independent), Citizens Advise Bureau or check out with the home office by phone, or all 3.
1%26gt; Start your own company doing anything you want, take any ';earnings'; as dividends. Alternatively you could employ your husband and take the money out that way.This is easy and fast. To apply for a National Insurance Number would take ages.
2%26gt; Sorry no knowledge.
3%26gt; Yes, they have British grandparents. PS I can see advantages in them just being British Citizens, tax national service etc.
4%26gt; Between Britain and America I can't see any difference as they can be
citizen of either. You could consider a thitd country for various reasons mainly
an escape route in wartime. On recent form we would probably be on the same side.
children must be born in usa, uk sucks, look for a job under the table, yes children will have a duet citizenship.
great... another immigrant!!!
What is the youngest age you can get married? please i need some advice?
please tell me, because i love my g/f ashley with all my heart and i proved my love to her in everyway except sex and marrage. I want to ask her to marry me. I am in love with her, we only been with each other for a year but she is the one for me. She is the most beatiful,wonderful,nicest,sexe... girl on the planet. Since i met her, my life changed, the past year has been the greatest year in my entire life. Ashley is my better half and i will never stop loving her. She is crazy about me, she told me if it was up to her, she would never stop holding me. I said i will never stop holding you, i will hold her for all the DAYS OF OUR LIVES. I will never cheat on her, i will not pressure her into having sex, i will wait till she is ready. She doesnt have to go out to have a good time, she rather be home with me and watch a movie on the couch and cuddle up. She is my life and i will never stop being by her side. She is my oxygen,i cant go on without her love. I love her with all my heartWhat is the youngest age you can get married? please i need some advice?
It varies from state to state in America. The fact you must ask this tells me you are too young. Not to mention common sense.
It is very admirable, your mutual restraint regarding sex. I hope you are proud of yourself because it is not easy in these days of loose morals. A little voice in my head whispers that one reason you are so in love is that very desire you are keeping in check. That is how it is under such situations. It keeps things on edge and very hot which, especially in the teens, can be very intertwined with love. And that is how it should be.
That being said, I have yet to see such passion last for long. You need to wait until you are of an age. You might find things can change. If you head off to college or whatever. The best for healthiness in a life long relationship is usually when the man is 5 years older than the woman. Ideally she is in her early 20's the best age for motherhood.
In Islam there is a saying that is so very true. ';When you have a man and a woman alone, there are three in the room. The third is Shaytaan and he is urging you ever onwards to higher levels.';
You are just plain too young. You don't need to work, pay bills, deal with problems. That is life and what you feel now is just the beginning. You need life experience first.
I wish you well kiddo. You do sound like a good kid, with high ethics. However, you are still too young.What is the youngest age you can get married? please i need some advice?
18 you can get married
but are you ready?
Where will you live?
How will you support yourselves?
Will you go to college?
Are you ready for children?
Can she COOK?
Just a couple of things to think about. I knew that I was marrying my husband when I was 14, but we waited until he graduated college. still together and happy:)
Do not get married until you are close to 30--experience what life has to offer. All of that stuff wears off and soon you are strapped with bills and problems. Enjoy life and make enough money before you need to buy a home--get married--and have children.
In the USA, Canada, and Mexico you must be 18 to get married without parental consent.
I'm sorry to tell you this but,it sounds to me like you are obsessed with her.I got married at the age of 14 and it was great for the first couple of years he was much older.
If you guys are as in love as you think than you guys can wait.I agree with the other answerer about are you really ready.Do you work does she.Where would you guys live.
I am telling you from experience that I am now divorced and I have a child by him.I did not get to finish school and I did not get to have my life.I have a wild streak now cause I did not get to live out my teenage years.
The world is a cold place and its even colder when you are on your own.It's going to hurt more when you are on your own and not able to give her what she wants.
Having sex is not a reason to get married.Please I am begging you to wait and really think about this,please.
IF she did not want to wear the necklace at first than maybe there is a reason for this.
as soon as you hit 18 you can go for it without your parents consent-- if they will sign for you guys to get amrried you can do it now
In most states women are allowed to get married at the age of 17. The same is not true with men, most states require that men be at least 18.
You can get engaged and wait until your both of are legal age to be married.
No girl in the history of you life, HISTORY there is no history in your life you are 17. You are crazy maybe you should think about this a little more, maybe talk to your parents about it.
90% of people that get married at that age get divorced within 3 years.
without parents consent - 18. With consent, I think as young as 6
Aren't you two sweet! What you aren't is mature and adult. You are in the middle of some romance novel right now that has absolutely nothing to do with real life, real issues, and real adult decisions. Get a grip, grow up, and then you might be able to decide who you need to have an honest mature relationship with. Right now you are children.
Both of you could try to get emancipated and then be able to get married without parental consent. If your still with your parents then you both need permission to get married or just get married at 18.
It varies from state to state in America. The fact you must ask this tells me you are too young. Not to mention common sense.
It is very admirable, your mutual restraint regarding sex. I hope you are proud of yourself because it is not easy in these days of loose morals. A little voice in my head whispers that one reason you are so in love is that very desire you are keeping in check. That is how it is under such situations. It keeps things on edge and very hot which, especially in the teens, can be very intertwined with love. And that is how it should be.
That being said, I have yet to see such passion last for long. You need to wait until you are of an age. You might find things can change. If you head off to college or whatever. The best for healthiness in a life long relationship is usually when the man is 5 years older than the woman. Ideally she is in her early 20's the best age for motherhood.
In Islam there is a saying that is so very true. ';When you have a man and a woman alone, there are three in the room. The third is Shaytaan and he is urging you ever onwards to higher levels.';
You are just plain too young. You don't need to work, pay bills, deal with problems. That is life and what you feel now is just the beginning. You need life experience first.
I wish you well kiddo. You do sound like a good kid, with high ethics. However, you are still too young.What is the youngest age you can get married? please i need some advice?
18 you can get married
but are you ready?
Where will you live?
How will you support yourselves?
Will you go to college?
Are you ready for children?
Can she COOK?
Just a couple of things to think about. I knew that I was marrying my husband when I was 14, but we waited until he graduated college. still together and happy:)
Do not get married until you are close to 30--experience what life has to offer. All of that stuff wears off and soon you are strapped with bills and problems. Enjoy life and make enough money before you need to buy a home--get married--and have children.
In the USA, Canada, and Mexico you must be 18 to get married without parental consent.
I'm sorry to tell you this but,it sounds to me like you are obsessed with her.I got married at the age of 14 and it was great for the first couple of years he was much older.
If you guys are as in love as you think than you guys can wait.I agree with the other answerer about are you really ready.Do you work does she.Where would you guys live.
I am telling you from experience that I am now divorced and I have a child by him.I did not get to finish school and I did not get to have my life.I have a wild streak now cause I did not get to live out my teenage years.
The world is a cold place and its even colder when you are on your own.It's going to hurt more when you are on your own and not able to give her what she wants.
Having sex is not a reason to get married.Please I am begging you to wait and really think about this,please.
IF she did not want to wear the necklace at first than maybe there is a reason for this.
as soon as you hit 18 you can go for it without your parents consent-- if they will sign for you guys to get amrried you can do it now
In most states women are allowed to get married at the age of 17. The same is not true with men, most states require that men be at least 18.
You can get engaged and wait until your both of are legal age to be married.
No girl in the history of you life, HISTORY there is no history in your life you are 17. You are crazy maybe you should think about this a little more, maybe talk to your parents about it.
90% of people that get married at that age get divorced within 3 years.
without parents consent - 18. With consent, I think as young as 6
Aren't you two sweet! What you aren't is mature and adult. You are in the middle of some romance novel right now that has absolutely nothing to do with real life, real issues, and real adult decisions. Get a grip, grow up, and then you might be able to decide who you need to have an honest mature relationship with. Right now you are children.
Both of you could try to get emancipated and then be able to get married without parental consent. If your still with your parents then you both need permission to get married or just get married at 18.
There are many married men who think marriage is hell (many give the advice: if you wanna be happy,don't marry?
is it because they married the girl they didn't love and just one to settle down??There are many married men who think marriage is hell (many give the advice: if you wanna be happy,don't marry?
Many MEN choose to marry because THEY love the girl. Many girls are willing to marry a man who works hard at loving THEM.
The result is many marriages where the Man loves the Woman way, way more then she loves him. The men quickly learn this is truly HELL. A woman who does not love you is typically emotionally abusive through ACTION and INACTION. The action is constantly being critical which makes you think you suck. The INACTION is denying you sex - which makes you feel unloved.
My wife and I got off to a bit of a rough start. We fixed it though. She taught me to be more lovable, I taught her to be less bitc*y. Part of that was I told her I would leave her if she really felt she deserved someone better.
A lot of these men get confused and think that by being more ';helpful'; around the house their wives will love them more. LOL. Yes your wife is greatful if you are a helpful guy. And yes she will be resentful if you don't do your fair share. But NO AMOUNT of being a SUPER MAID is going to make a wife love you.There are many married men who think marriage is hell (many give the advice: if you wanna be happy,don't marry?
A famous author ( Bradshaw ) once said ';Show me a single man, then I'll show you a happy man';. Men and women are human beings. As with all human beings, we change over the years, having our own characteristics that come with it over time as well. Marriage is work in not only accepting and adjusting with these changes, but also the pressures of every day living ( work, kids, mortgage, etc.)
That may be some of the men who have been divorced 3x and remarried again. In that case, he needs to look for his answers in a mirror. There are some men and women who cannot grasp the compromise and communication in their marriages and only care to do childish and selfish things that exclude their spouses. If a married man is giving you that advice, ask him to explain why he feels that way. Not all men do.
hear this from a married woman, it is that we married the wrong person... I believe you can make a marriage work but you have to not break the golden rules.... never ever deny sex.... never ever forget to say you love them in the morning and before you fall asleep and just because during the day they pop in your head at work, even though they never left your mind... send them sexy notes so that when you walk though the door they want to rip your clothes off.... lol...marriage is not all about sex but it keep the marriage alive and well... but it is also about respect...love and honor each other every single day and night and ever single second of the day.... and if she can't do that or you can't then I would not even bother getting married!! because it will end up with two lonely people who can't stand the site of each other!!! and never cheat on her if she is at home trying to make your life the best ever...cause one day you might wake up and find her not next to you.... or you will wake up and find her not loving you....loving someone else, and it will not be her fault~
not only men feel this way. I'm a woman and I feel this way. But I do tell folks that MY experience was bad, n also, I've heard n seen many like mine, so that's y I'm speaking. But most just seem to hear marriage is bad, so stay single. The appropriate q is this, y did u marry? They were single once, n then they married, n yrs later after the love wore off, n the kids came, they're not happy anymore. They've known others in their shoes prior to marriage...so y'd they take the plunge against advice? Life is different for everyone, this is y it PAYS to KNOW urself, n stand ur ground. Because many will try to tell u what they want for u. But in reality, it's what they THINK would be best for u, based on what THEY know, or what THEY wished they had done. So the saying hold's true, to thine own self be true.
I';ve seen ppl tell me to get re-married. Y? They're marriage is wonderful. They found mr. perfect for them, n they think my ex was just a crater in the bumpy road of life. They want me to pull myself out. Others who've been where I'm at, tell me to stay single, for I'll be happy. See, u only give advice based on what u see, hear, n know...based on ur experience n observation. It's not always that misery loves company, it might be that they dont want to see u make the same mistake they did, but they dont KNOW how it will turn out for u...n that's what they're forgetting. Most things in life are shades of color, not black n white like ppl would like to bellieve.
Marriages today are much worse off, because of several things.
1. Society has lessened the worth and value placed on marriage. Basically, morals have been destroyed as have the natural roles of men and women. People do not care about anything but what they want, how they see things and so forth. If they cannot have their own way, they would rather leave, instead of facing the fact that maybe they are wrong or not working to make things good.
2. Women have been sold a bill of goods and men are paying the bill. Women have a warped view of what a man is suppose to be, what her role in marriage is, etc. For the most part, if the woman is not happy your life is going to be hell, even if her unhappiness is her own doing or of her own making. Many women are far to unrealistic and they demand that you fulfill what their idea of marriage is, no matter how unrealistic it may be.
3. I will advise that you visit a site. www.nomarriage.com. I suggest this not to be mean, not because I have a vested interest in the site or anything like that. I say it because there is a lot of information there that you would be wise to see and consider before you ever contemplate getting married. The information on that site may help you understand why many men feel as they do. I give you one example of information on the site. You may laugh. Go ahead. Below is exactly how many men find their lives being torn up and for the most part, there is little they can do about it. Guys are just getting fed up and they are trying to tell you how things can be in order to help you in the future.
Example:
Are you a loser?
Let's translate ';loser'; from women-speak into English.
';Loser'; in woman-speak simply means a man who is smart enough to do things that are in HIS best interest.
* You don't spend your hard-earned money on women - you are a loser
* You expect regular sex - you are a loser
* You are not interested in marriage - you are a loser
* You don't want to be stuck with kids - you are a loser
* You don't want to slave away 60 hours a week so a woman can buy a new SUV every year - you are a loser
* You prefer South American women who treat you better - you are a HUUGE LOOOSER
The alternative to ';loser'; is a pussyfied man, or simply a p ussy. A puss yfied man does what a woman wants - he is a docile schmuck who slaves away at work and pays her bills, lets her do what she wants, does not tell her when she is wrong and does not pesters her for sex. Another words, he is an ideal husband.
';you wanna be happy...?';
OK, plan it.
Got thousands of years of human living to pick from. Got thousands, millions of great books to get the best from. Have psychiatrists, hookers, and ministers to talk to so you get the best things for you.
So why has everybody else in the history of men ignored all that?
';you wanna be happy...?';
We pick.
We see. We think. We pick.
You think we're pickin' because of happy? No.
Something else goes on. Look at your own Mom and Dad. No, really. Look hard. You really think happy put them together? You lived there. You know better.
We be more than happy. It's a lousy analogy...but remember in The Matrix when the computer said they tried making the ditigal world a paradise and people died because they couldn't handle it. Read Twain's confusion at living for a little while in Hawaii, in a paradise he couldn't understand or absorb.
Something else goes on. Marriage is about much more than happy. Logical people wouldn't start something so serious with a 50% sadness rate. Even higher for second marriages.
Married people are doing more than happy. They're having real life. A real relationship means you can't pretend you don't suck or that they don't. You have to be better or you are done. Period.
Is getting to better hell? Sometimes, yeah. For sure. But then you're both better. Kinda makes up for being sucky. Not completely, but mostly. It's not some kinda paradise. We got kicked outta that for being sucky. But it's OK, even pretty good a lotta times.
yea it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of patience and love for the other person. Communication is the key , understanding each others needs and wants. I can say my marriage is a roller coaster but i would not change it for anyone else. Running is not an option for me. Those vows is what keeps my marriage going. Also i try not to just think of self i work on the self and try a different approach this way we understand each other.
You cannot let another person or gender mold and shape your ideals on marriage. Most are not happy because they chose not to be. Marriage is hard work and no one really wants to work anymore. If they were so unhappy they would not still be married. The heart wants what it wants period.
Men can only speak for themselves, and not generalize for all of us. If the ones that say this are correct, then who do they have to blame for living in hell?
After we end our lives, then God will decide if we go to Heaven or Hell. Seems rather stupid to me that someone on Earth would choose to live in hell.
My advice...only listen to the advice you want to hear.
Here's the truth: Marriage and being with the same person gets very old...very quick....no matter how hot that broad is.
And guess what...most women get the frump on after squezzing out a few kids.....would you be looking foward to bumping uglies with a frumpinator? I think not.
Thus, dude needs side action and marriage sucks.
Any marriage can be hell depending on how you treat it and cherish it. Those who ';live'; in their hell are those who never put the work into it to make it something good. You live in what you build.
Marriage is a piece of cake when you KNOW HOW to make it work!
http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>
It takes two to make a marriage work, so if someone is complaining, it's probably the one who isn't putting anything into his marriage?
They didn't go into the marriage knowing what it's like or what's needed. Overall some people are just unhappy. Marriage did wonders for me. I've never been happier.
They're usually in sucky marriages, which is why they tell others to not get married.
cause they marry to young and people change as they mature.
Many MEN choose to marry because THEY love the girl. Many girls are willing to marry a man who works hard at loving THEM.
The result is many marriages where the Man loves the Woman way, way more then she loves him. The men quickly learn this is truly HELL. A woman who does not love you is typically emotionally abusive through ACTION and INACTION. The action is constantly being critical which makes you think you suck. The INACTION is denying you sex - which makes you feel unloved.
My wife and I got off to a bit of a rough start. We fixed it though. She taught me to be more lovable, I taught her to be less bitc*y. Part of that was I told her I would leave her if she really felt she deserved someone better.
A lot of these men get confused and think that by being more ';helpful'; around the house their wives will love them more. LOL. Yes your wife is greatful if you are a helpful guy. And yes she will be resentful if you don't do your fair share. But NO AMOUNT of being a SUPER MAID is going to make a wife love you.There are many married men who think marriage is hell (many give the advice: if you wanna be happy,don't marry?
A famous author ( Bradshaw ) once said ';Show me a single man, then I'll show you a happy man';. Men and women are human beings. As with all human beings, we change over the years, having our own characteristics that come with it over time as well. Marriage is work in not only accepting and adjusting with these changes, but also the pressures of every day living ( work, kids, mortgage, etc.)
That may be some of the men who have been divorced 3x and remarried again. In that case, he needs to look for his answers in a mirror. There are some men and women who cannot grasp the compromise and communication in their marriages and only care to do childish and selfish things that exclude their spouses. If a married man is giving you that advice, ask him to explain why he feels that way. Not all men do.
hear this from a married woman, it is that we married the wrong person... I believe you can make a marriage work but you have to not break the golden rules.... never ever deny sex.... never ever forget to say you love them in the morning and before you fall asleep and just because during the day they pop in your head at work, even though they never left your mind... send them sexy notes so that when you walk though the door they want to rip your clothes off.... lol...marriage is not all about sex but it keep the marriage alive and well... but it is also about respect...love and honor each other every single day and night and ever single second of the day.... and if she can't do that or you can't then I would not even bother getting married!! because it will end up with two lonely people who can't stand the site of each other!!! and never cheat on her if she is at home trying to make your life the best ever...cause one day you might wake up and find her not next to you.... or you will wake up and find her not loving you....loving someone else, and it will not be her fault~
not only men feel this way. I'm a woman and I feel this way. But I do tell folks that MY experience was bad, n also, I've heard n seen many like mine, so that's y I'm speaking. But most just seem to hear marriage is bad, so stay single. The appropriate q is this, y did u marry? They were single once, n then they married, n yrs later after the love wore off, n the kids came, they're not happy anymore. They've known others in their shoes prior to marriage...so y'd they take the plunge against advice? Life is different for everyone, this is y it PAYS to KNOW urself, n stand ur ground. Because many will try to tell u what they want for u. But in reality, it's what they THINK would be best for u, based on what THEY know, or what THEY wished they had done. So the saying hold's true, to thine own self be true.
I';ve seen ppl tell me to get re-married. Y? They're marriage is wonderful. They found mr. perfect for them, n they think my ex was just a crater in the bumpy road of life. They want me to pull myself out. Others who've been where I'm at, tell me to stay single, for I'll be happy. See, u only give advice based on what u see, hear, n know...based on ur experience n observation. It's not always that misery loves company, it might be that they dont want to see u make the same mistake they did, but they dont KNOW how it will turn out for u...n that's what they're forgetting. Most things in life are shades of color, not black n white like ppl would like to bellieve.
Marriages today are much worse off, because of several things.
1. Society has lessened the worth and value placed on marriage. Basically, morals have been destroyed as have the natural roles of men and women. People do not care about anything but what they want, how they see things and so forth. If they cannot have their own way, they would rather leave, instead of facing the fact that maybe they are wrong or not working to make things good.
2. Women have been sold a bill of goods and men are paying the bill. Women have a warped view of what a man is suppose to be, what her role in marriage is, etc. For the most part, if the woman is not happy your life is going to be hell, even if her unhappiness is her own doing or of her own making. Many women are far to unrealistic and they demand that you fulfill what their idea of marriage is, no matter how unrealistic it may be.
3. I will advise that you visit a site. www.nomarriage.com. I suggest this not to be mean, not because I have a vested interest in the site or anything like that. I say it because there is a lot of information there that you would be wise to see and consider before you ever contemplate getting married. The information on that site may help you understand why many men feel as they do. I give you one example of information on the site. You may laugh. Go ahead. Below is exactly how many men find their lives being torn up and for the most part, there is little they can do about it. Guys are just getting fed up and they are trying to tell you how things can be in order to help you in the future.
Example:
Are you a loser?
Let's translate ';loser'; from women-speak into English.
';Loser'; in woman-speak simply means a man who is smart enough to do things that are in HIS best interest.
* You don't spend your hard-earned money on women - you are a loser
* You expect regular sex - you are a loser
* You are not interested in marriage - you are a loser
* You don't want to be stuck with kids - you are a loser
* You don't want to slave away 60 hours a week so a woman can buy a new SUV every year - you are a loser
* You prefer South American women who treat you better - you are a HUUGE LOOOSER
The alternative to ';loser'; is a pussyfied man, or simply a p ussy. A puss yfied man does what a woman wants - he is a docile schmuck who slaves away at work and pays her bills, lets her do what she wants, does not tell her when she is wrong and does not pesters her for sex. Another words, he is an ideal husband.
';you wanna be happy...?';
OK, plan it.
Got thousands of years of human living to pick from. Got thousands, millions of great books to get the best from. Have psychiatrists, hookers, and ministers to talk to so you get the best things for you.
So why has everybody else in the history of men ignored all that?
';you wanna be happy...?';
We pick.
We see. We think. We pick.
You think we're pickin' because of happy? No.
Something else goes on. Look at your own Mom and Dad. No, really. Look hard. You really think happy put them together? You lived there. You know better.
We be more than happy. It's a lousy analogy...but remember in The Matrix when the computer said they tried making the ditigal world a paradise and people died because they couldn't handle it. Read Twain's confusion at living for a little while in Hawaii, in a paradise he couldn't understand or absorb.
Something else goes on. Marriage is about much more than happy. Logical people wouldn't start something so serious with a 50% sadness rate. Even higher for second marriages.
Married people are doing more than happy. They're having real life. A real relationship means you can't pretend you don't suck or that they don't. You have to be better or you are done. Period.
Is getting to better hell? Sometimes, yeah. For sure. But then you're both better. Kinda makes up for being sucky. Not completely, but mostly. It's not some kinda paradise. We got kicked outta that for being sucky. But it's OK, even pretty good a lotta times.
yea it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of patience and love for the other person. Communication is the key , understanding each others needs and wants. I can say my marriage is a roller coaster but i would not change it for anyone else. Running is not an option for me. Those vows is what keeps my marriage going. Also i try not to just think of self i work on the self and try a different approach this way we understand each other.
You cannot let another person or gender mold and shape your ideals on marriage. Most are not happy because they chose not to be. Marriage is hard work and no one really wants to work anymore. If they were so unhappy they would not still be married. The heart wants what it wants period.
Men can only speak for themselves, and not generalize for all of us. If the ones that say this are correct, then who do they have to blame for living in hell?
After we end our lives, then God will decide if we go to Heaven or Hell. Seems rather stupid to me that someone on Earth would choose to live in hell.
My advice...only listen to the advice you want to hear.
Here's the truth: Marriage and being with the same person gets very old...very quick....no matter how hot that broad is.
And guess what...most women get the frump on after squezzing out a few kids.....would you be looking foward to bumping uglies with a frumpinator? I think not.
Thus, dude needs side action and marriage sucks.
Any marriage can be hell depending on how you treat it and cherish it. Those who ';live'; in their hell are those who never put the work into it to make it something good. You live in what you build.
Marriage is a piece of cake when you KNOW HOW to make it work!
http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>
It takes two to make a marriage work, so if someone is complaining, it's probably the one who isn't putting anything into his marriage?
They didn't go into the marriage knowing what it's like or what's needed. Overall some people are just unhappy. Marriage did wonders for me. I've never been happier.
They're usually in sucky marriages, which is why they tell others to not get married.
cause they marry to young and people change as they mature.
Getting Married and need advice for an overpowering mother-in-law!!?
I'm getting married in October of 2008. My future mother-in-law is trying very hard to make me have a huge, elaborate wedding when all my fiance and I want is a simple ceremony and reception. So far I've been good about just nodding to whatever she says and then doing whatever I want to, but she announced to me this week that SHE is sending out ';save the date'; cards to her family. She isn't consulting me on who she is sending them to. I begged her to keep her guest list under 60, but she told me she can't promise she'll be able to. Do I really have no say in this??? My dad is paying for the wedding and reception and my fiance and I really don't want more than 120 people there. And isn't it way too early to send out save-the-date cards for a late 2008 wedding?? Every time I try to talk to her about this she acts like I'm really hurting her feelings...
Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated!Getting Married and need advice for an overpowering mother-in-law!!?
You are going to have to get tough.
How dare she?? This is YOUR wedding! And YOUR family is paying for it!
If she was paying for it, it would put you in a tricky situation, but she's not, and it's not her wedding, so she is going to have to do as you want.
By making you feel that you are hurting her feelings, she is totally manipulating you. She is ruining your big day, this is the day you will be looking back at for the next 50 years, do you want to remember it as a day that was frustrating, and not what you wanted??
Your fiance will have to be a man and step in here. I know all too well how it is when a mother in law is overbearing, very often the son does not want to get involved! It's tough because he wull feel he is choosing between you and her, but this is your day. Be firm, you are not being selfish in the least!
Good luck xxGetting Married and need advice for an overpowering mother-in-law!!?
If your parents are paying, then your mother in law has no right to invite more than her allotted amount. Tell her that she will be billed for the costs of any extra guests above 60. The ';hurt feelings'; is manipulation. Have your fiancee deal with his mother.
Let her. Then invite who you want, and if she protests, tell her that you warned her.
My X mil was soooo dominating! Especially with the wedding! She picked the colors, cause she didn't agree with me. She basically picked out the bride's maids dresses, music...just about everything!!!
I couldn't find a backbone to get to her...but she ruled everything!
Even when it came time to buy our first house. She invited us over, sat us on our couch, and preached to us how she does not like the house...too early to buy a house, etc.
DON'T LET YOUR'S GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING!!! STOP IT NOW BEFORE SHE GETS OUT OF HAND...SHE'LL NEVER STOP...EVEN AFTER THE WEDDING!
Yes, too early for saving the date. I'd lose that card in a year...lol.
Best wishes to you and your fiance!!
Honey, your fiancee needs to talk to her. It's his mother.
It's your day and should be the way you want. End of story. I don't care if her feelings are getting hurt or not. If she starts now to control your life and the way things should be, imagine when you have kids!!!
Don't let her get her way. Your fiancee needs to be firm with her. Don't give her that power.
Your fiancee needs to step up here. You have already made your feelings known, and she is ignoring them. He needs to tell her to cool it.
She should be told that if she sends the ';save the date'; cards, she better be prepared for the fallout when half of them don't actually receive an invitation. If your father is paying for the wedding, part of that is the invitations and it will be up to him (and you and your fiancee) how many are ordered. And if you send them out yourself, you will know exactly who receives one.
It sounds like she is a real gem, you are going to have to be able to put your foot down and take back control, or else she will butt in in other parts of your marriage too. You may end up offending her, but isn't that what she is doing to you? Why should you try to protect her feelings when she has no concern for yours?
Elope!
sit her down and say to her that u appreciate all shes done and u really appreciate the help shes given but because ur parents are paying for the wedding and the reception, u have to put ur foot down and u have to see who she is sending cards to because ur parents only paid for 120 people so any amount after that will not be allowed to attend. if she gets all fussy just say i feel like u arent respecting MY wedding plans and u are making this about u and what u want. or just give her 60 save the date cards and tell her she cant have anymore!! haha and wheres ur fiance during this? he should be able to step up to his own mother...and if all else fails have UR parents pull her aside and say sometihng because that isnt right at all!! im sorry about ur monster in law...good luck on ur wedding
You have complete say in this! Tell her that she can send the save the date cards to whoever she wants, but you and your fiance are only inviting 60 of her friends/family to the wedding, at your discretion based on her final list. Let it be known that there will ONLY be 60 seats for their side.
Be nice, but firm. And stop nodding and then doing your own thing. That's not helping matters. Keep this in mind: the precident you start now will exist for the rest of your marriage. Don't be a pushover, but don't be mean either.
How about? - You and your bf pay for your wedding all by yourselves and then you plan what you want, but politely taking advice from both sets of parents and honoring some of their wishes. That way you set the number of guests you and your bf can afford to host, and the style of wedding you want.
My mother-in law looked like Fred Flintstone and acted like Sybil.
This is your wedding...now it looks like the only feelings getting misunderstood are yours. Start now by being diplomatic and setting limits. The only reason your mother in- law is being like this is because you are young and vulnerable and afraid to hurt anybodies feelings. She needs an attitude adjustment right off...and don't worry she will not want to see it get bad before the wedding...excert your will. It is your wedding not hers!
It is never too early for save the date cards.
However you have to tell her point blank that your Dad will only pay for 120 guests, before it is too late.
I would also hand her your parents guest list, and tell her that everyone should get the same save the date cards.
Your fiance needs to step up. Your MIL needs to take into consideration your father is footing the bill. Explain this to her and suggest it needs to be done your way or you will need money from her to help foot the bill.
Where the heck is your fiance in all this? Tell him to back you up. Tell her she has 60 people period....you are paying for the wedding and this is her limit - thats it - no arguments. ITS YOUR WEDDING NOT HERS! If she pouts - tough crap, because no matter what you do (even if you do everything she wants) she will still be unhappy.
Well its good that you wrote now, just as the planning is beginning. Hopefully you can nip this in the bud!
Call her, or have your fiance call her. Tell her that you have something specific in mind for your save-the-dates, and you will be taking care of that. Then, you can say something like, ';I will talk to my parents about how many guests you can invite, and I will get back to you.'; If she argues or tries to twist it around, just repeat yourself: ';I hear what youre saying/ I appreciate your offer, but I will talk to my parents and get back to you.'; or ';This is just the way we (you and fiance) are going to do it.';
If, when she makes her final list, it is over 60, tell her she has to make some cuts, and get your fiance to back you up, of course.
The main thing is being control with your language. Using words like ';I will...'; ';I am going to...'; instead of ';I want to...'; ';If you dont mind...';
Also, think of something wedding-related that you dont care much how its done, and delegate that to her. It will involve her. After this little incident is over, keep the situation in check by always telling her who is doing what.
Good luck, I hope this helps!
PS: If your wedding is in your hometown, about 7-9 months before you can send save-the-date cards. If its at some other destination, allow a year or more for people to make travel plans.
Maybe get your dad to speak to her
Where is your fiance in all this? He should be telling her that their side of the guest list is 60 total and that's it. Your MIL is being extremely rude considering that your dad is paying for this wedding. Your fiance needs to talk to his mother right NOW. She needs to cease and desist and don't let him agree to it when she offers to pay for the extra people. First of all you'll never see a dime from her and second of all, you're trying to have a smaller wedding. Something else that your fiance needs to explain to his mother. He also needs to explain to her that it's rude and tacky for her to send out save the date cards separate from yours. This woman is out of control and your fiance needs to reel her back in.
You are going to have to ';hurt her feelings'; or you will start your marriage with lots of bills, resentment and anger. It is up to your fiance to talk to his mother. He needs to be a man and step up here. But if he won't, you must say, ';I'm sorry but my family cannot afford a large elaborate ceremony. You can only invite __ guests.'; By speaking up now, you will set the tone for later on. Don't be afraid to do so. Don't let her ruin your wedding and possibly your marriage.
Your fiance has to speak to her and put his foot down...and now!
Tell her only 60 of her people will be getting invitations and you're concerned that someone might be insulted if she sends them a save the date card and then they don't make the invitation cut.
you know what i hate to say this but, just let her iinvite whomever she wants BECAUSE it will save you a big headach later on. and can house some serious grudges that can last a lifetime. i know it's your wedding and you should have a say. but what i worse have your mother in law very angry and resentful towards you or 50 extra people at your wedding whom you won't really talk to and will give you 100$ a peice as a gift. It's the lesser of the two evils here, not who's right or wrong. if it was anything other that a wedding i would say screw her, but this is going to be one of the most important day in her life too, she is giveing away her son and if she is hurt by not being able to invite whom she wants that she will NOTT soon forget it. Sorry to hear she is doing this to you, but save yourself and humor her:)
Tell her you appreciate all the help but at the same time she are stealing the wedding day away from you. You also need to make sure the groom to be is on the same page with you.
Do not let her run your wedding, you have to sit down and get the final wedding list down.
Unless it is a holiday weekend 6 months notice should be a good for save the date.
Maybe you should act like your feeling are hurt next time, she plans something without you.
This is YOUR wedding. You must show her respect, not obeisance. Have a pow-wow with your parents, your fiance, her and you, and her son should read her the Riot Act ahead of time. If he doesn't stand up to his mother now, you're going to have a very rough marriage because she will always try to control you and him. Do it NOW. And if her feelings get hurt because you stand up for yourself, so what? That won't kill her. Treat her with love and respect, tell her you value her input, but what YOU want will be what is going to be, and you would appreciate her cooperation.
If she wants a bigger bash then you do, suggest that she keep to your plans but throw a party after the wedding for those who couldn't be invited the first time around. Good luck, and congratulations.
Think of it this way...if you don't speak up who's going to suffer the most?? Your Father....he's the one paying for it so as far as I see, besides you and your fiance, he's the only other person who should have a say in this whole affair....
What does your fiance say about all this?? You should talk to him about it....I really think you need to nip this in the bud and quick!!!!
This sounds like the movie '; Monster in Law'; if you haven't seen it, do......
Simple answer first: You can send Save-the-Date cards a year in advance, though most people do that 6 to 9 months ahead of time. It really depends on your guests. Mainly this is used for people who will have to coordinate travel plans... or folks that are more 'socialites' or have more pressing schedules.
As for the Mother-in-Law / Wedding situation:
1) It is imperitive that you talk with your fiance immediately. You must be on the 'same page' with him so that you can be united in your message to his mother. If he seeks to appease his mom and you keep nodding then doing something else, you're going to wind up with a big mess.
2) Once you %26amp; your fiance have decided together that your wedding will be 'small' - so it provides the intimacy you're looking for AND stays within your parents' budget - you must then sit down with your mother-in-law.
Let her know that you appreciate her enthusiasm with regard to your wedding but that you are limiting the number of guests because that is what YOU (the 2 of you) want for YOUR wedding. It's okay to tell her that there is a budget for the reception. She may offer to pay the extra for her family %26amp; friends. You'll have to stand firm that you only want 60 guests. And, again, thank her for her offer... and her understanding. [People live up to the expectations you have for them. So, treat her like she's 'excited' for the 2 of you and just getting a bit carried away.]
Tell her that she can invite 'x' number of people - if that's 30 from each side. And, if absolutely necessary, remind her that this is YOUR wedding, not hers. Maybe even suggest that if she would like to hold a separate party for her family %26amp; friends to celebrate your wedding after the fact, that she can certainly do that as a generous gift to the 2 of you. ;-)
Take a deep breath. This is a temporary situation. Your marriage and your love for your hubby-to-be will endure!
You have all the 'say so' in this! Your the one getting married not her, and your Dad is doing the paying. If you let her walk over you know then its going to be a lot worse later..trust me on this, i have been there!! Just let her know the limits (guests under 60 and thats it)!! I would be stubborn with her, because she sounds like she is in control when you need to be in control. If her feelings get hurt then talk with her alone, but DO NOT change your mind. If she knows where you stand on things then (more than likely she will) she wont try to over power you, because after a while she will relize that it doesnt work with you. She will get over her hurt feelings, she is a big girl. Also , i think its never too early to send out save the date cards to people.
Anyway thats what worked for me. I hope things work out for you and your wedding, i have gone through this kinda thing and I know there is hope!
Have your fiance talk to her. It won't be as bad coming from him as it would from you, or at least do it as a couple. Explain to her why this is unacceptable behavior.
1) Your budget cannot afford over the 60 you have allotted his side, and she is not contributing.
2) Even though she wants to invite the whole family and then some it is not her wedding but your fiance and yours, and ultimately you, he, and your father (who is paying) will have the final say-so.
So even if she sends these cards out that doesn't mean they will all get an invite in the end. (By the way, when you order invites DO NOT give her any. Mail them all out yourself.)
Ask her to make a guest list and write it in the order of importance. From her all the way down to 4th cousin (by marriage) Mabel. Then tell her that you will take the top 60 (or whatever number you choose) and cannot guarantee anyone else will get an invite, but after your side makes their list, and you as a couple make your list, and if there are any left-over openings you will take from her list in the order of importance.
.......And yes, it's WAY too early to send out save-the-date cards. Wait until this time next year, or at least spring 2008.
I am having a similar problem, My wedding is in less than 2 months and my finace and I are paying for everything. My future MIL has decided to send out her own invitations to those ppl we didn't feel the need to invite. She has added approx. 20 ppl to our guest list, ppl that my fiance doesn't even know!!
I finally out my foot down and made it clear to her that the extra ppl she invited she would have to pay for. Everything down to the chair they parked their butt on and the food they shoved in their mouths. She decided to chill after she knew that she was going to be responsible for their cost.
Your fiance needs to help with this though, take it from my experience, you doing it alone will only make things worse.
I don't want to sound mean, but how did you let it get this far? If you would have cut her off much earlier then this she wouldn't think that this horrible behavior is acceptable. And yes it is WAY to early to send out save-the-dates. Good luck dealing with this for the rest of your life if you let her get away with it now. Plus, you don't want to end up resenting her just because you didn't have the b@lls to stand up for yourself and make your wedding day your own.
Somebody needs to sit on this woman, and it needs to be her son.
1: it's far too early to send out save the date cards
2: one NEVER sends out save the date cards to someone else's wedding
3: the groom's mother is not in charge of the guest list
4: if she wants to invite a million people without consulting the bride and groom, she'd better be ready to darn well pay for them or eat crow and uninvite them herself.
Where is your fiance's father in all this? Is he in the picture? If so, why isn't he doing anything about this?
If a quiet word from your fiance doesn't take care of this, then it's time for a family pow-wow where you, your father, AND your fiance all inform her that her plan is not acceptable and will not be financed or countenanced by anyone else.
Stick to your guns...and hurry to book a place that won't accomodate more than 120 people.
Tell her thanks for the enthusiasm and wanting to help, but that You've got it taken care of so far. Remind her that this far ina dvance, dates are likely to change, so to please not send out save the date cards. GIve her something to be in charge of to distract her from other things. Like maybe put her in charge of getting the favors and trying ribbons or something. That way, she has her own projects and is less likely to get involved with things she shouldn't be.
Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated!Getting Married and need advice for an overpowering mother-in-law!!?
You are going to have to get tough.
How dare she?? This is YOUR wedding! And YOUR family is paying for it!
If she was paying for it, it would put you in a tricky situation, but she's not, and it's not her wedding, so she is going to have to do as you want.
By making you feel that you are hurting her feelings, she is totally manipulating you. She is ruining your big day, this is the day you will be looking back at for the next 50 years, do you want to remember it as a day that was frustrating, and not what you wanted??
Your fiance will have to be a man and step in here. I know all too well how it is when a mother in law is overbearing, very often the son does not want to get involved! It's tough because he wull feel he is choosing between you and her, but this is your day. Be firm, you are not being selfish in the least!
Good luck xxGetting Married and need advice for an overpowering mother-in-law!!?
If your parents are paying, then your mother in law has no right to invite more than her allotted amount. Tell her that she will be billed for the costs of any extra guests above 60. The ';hurt feelings'; is manipulation. Have your fiancee deal with his mother.
Let her. Then invite who you want, and if she protests, tell her that you warned her.
My X mil was soooo dominating! Especially with the wedding! She picked the colors, cause she didn't agree with me. She basically picked out the bride's maids dresses, music...just about everything!!!
I couldn't find a backbone to get to her...but she ruled everything!
Even when it came time to buy our first house. She invited us over, sat us on our couch, and preached to us how she does not like the house...too early to buy a house, etc.
DON'T LET YOUR'S GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING!!! STOP IT NOW BEFORE SHE GETS OUT OF HAND...SHE'LL NEVER STOP...EVEN AFTER THE WEDDING!
Yes, too early for saving the date. I'd lose that card in a year...lol.
Best wishes to you and your fiance!!
Honey, your fiancee needs to talk to her. It's his mother.
It's your day and should be the way you want. End of story. I don't care if her feelings are getting hurt or not. If she starts now to control your life and the way things should be, imagine when you have kids!!!
Don't let her get her way. Your fiancee needs to be firm with her. Don't give her that power.
Your fiancee needs to step up here. You have already made your feelings known, and she is ignoring them. He needs to tell her to cool it.
She should be told that if she sends the ';save the date'; cards, she better be prepared for the fallout when half of them don't actually receive an invitation. If your father is paying for the wedding, part of that is the invitations and it will be up to him (and you and your fiancee) how many are ordered. And if you send them out yourself, you will know exactly who receives one.
It sounds like she is a real gem, you are going to have to be able to put your foot down and take back control, or else she will butt in in other parts of your marriage too. You may end up offending her, but isn't that what she is doing to you? Why should you try to protect her feelings when she has no concern for yours?
Elope!
sit her down and say to her that u appreciate all shes done and u really appreciate the help shes given but because ur parents are paying for the wedding and the reception, u have to put ur foot down and u have to see who she is sending cards to because ur parents only paid for 120 people so any amount after that will not be allowed to attend. if she gets all fussy just say i feel like u arent respecting MY wedding plans and u are making this about u and what u want. or just give her 60 save the date cards and tell her she cant have anymore!! haha and wheres ur fiance during this? he should be able to step up to his own mother...and if all else fails have UR parents pull her aside and say sometihng because that isnt right at all!! im sorry about ur monster in law...good luck on ur wedding
You have complete say in this! Tell her that she can send the save the date cards to whoever she wants, but you and your fiance are only inviting 60 of her friends/family to the wedding, at your discretion based on her final list. Let it be known that there will ONLY be 60 seats for their side.
Be nice, but firm. And stop nodding and then doing your own thing. That's not helping matters. Keep this in mind: the precident you start now will exist for the rest of your marriage. Don't be a pushover, but don't be mean either.
How about? - You and your bf pay for your wedding all by yourselves and then you plan what you want, but politely taking advice from both sets of parents and honoring some of their wishes. That way you set the number of guests you and your bf can afford to host, and the style of wedding you want.
My mother-in law looked like Fred Flintstone and acted like Sybil.
This is your wedding...now it looks like the only feelings getting misunderstood are yours. Start now by being diplomatic and setting limits. The only reason your mother in- law is being like this is because you are young and vulnerable and afraid to hurt anybodies feelings. She needs an attitude adjustment right off...and don't worry she will not want to see it get bad before the wedding...excert your will. It is your wedding not hers!
It is never too early for save the date cards.
However you have to tell her point blank that your Dad will only pay for 120 guests, before it is too late.
I would also hand her your parents guest list, and tell her that everyone should get the same save the date cards.
Your fiance needs to step up. Your MIL needs to take into consideration your father is footing the bill. Explain this to her and suggest it needs to be done your way or you will need money from her to help foot the bill.
Where the heck is your fiance in all this? Tell him to back you up. Tell her she has 60 people period....you are paying for the wedding and this is her limit - thats it - no arguments. ITS YOUR WEDDING NOT HERS! If she pouts - tough crap, because no matter what you do (even if you do everything she wants) she will still be unhappy.
Well its good that you wrote now, just as the planning is beginning. Hopefully you can nip this in the bud!
Call her, or have your fiance call her. Tell her that you have something specific in mind for your save-the-dates, and you will be taking care of that. Then, you can say something like, ';I will talk to my parents about how many guests you can invite, and I will get back to you.'; If she argues or tries to twist it around, just repeat yourself: ';I hear what youre saying/ I appreciate your offer, but I will talk to my parents and get back to you.'; or ';This is just the way we (you and fiance) are going to do it.';
If, when she makes her final list, it is over 60, tell her she has to make some cuts, and get your fiance to back you up, of course.
The main thing is being control with your language. Using words like ';I will...'; ';I am going to...'; instead of ';I want to...'; ';If you dont mind...';
Also, think of something wedding-related that you dont care much how its done, and delegate that to her. It will involve her. After this little incident is over, keep the situation in check by always telling her who is doing what.
Good luck, I hope this helps!
PS: If your wedding is in your hometown, about 7-9 months before you can send save-the-date cards. If its at some other destination, allow a year or more for people to make travel plans.
Maybe get your dad to speak to her
Where is your fiance in all this? He should be telling her that their side of the guest list is 60 total and that's it. Your MIL is being extremely rude considering that your dad is paying for this wedding. Your fiance needs to talk to his mother right NOW. She needs to cease and desist and don't let him agree to it when she offers to pay for the extra people. First of all you'll never see a dime from her and second of all, you're trying to have a smaller wedding. Something else that your fiance needs to explain to his mother. He also needs to explain to her that it's rude and tacky for her to send out save the date cards separate from yours. This woman is out of control and your fiance needs to reel her back in.
You are going to have to ';hurt her feelings'; or you will start your marriage with lots of bills, resentment and anger. It is up to your fiance to talk to his mother. He needs to be a man and step up here. But if he won't, you must say, ';I'm sorry but my family cannot afford a large elaborate ceremony. You can only invite __ guests.'; By speaking up now, you will set the tone for later on. Don't be afraid to do so. Don't let her ruin your wedding and possibly your marriage.
Your fiance has to speak to her and put his foot down...and now!
Tell her only 60 of her people will be getting invitations and you're concerned that someone might be insulted if she sends them a save the date card and then they don't make the invitation cut.
you know what i hate to say this but, just let her iinvite whomever she wants BECAUSE it will save you a big headach later on. and can house some serious grudges that can last a lifetime. i know it's your wedding and you should have a say. but what i worse have your mother in law very angry and resentful towards you or 50 extra people at your wedding whom you won't really talk to and will give you 100$ a peice as a gift. It's the lesser of the two evils here, not who's right or wrong. if it was anything other that a wedding i would say screw her, but this is going to be one of the most important day in her life too, she is giveing away her son and if she is hurt by not being able to invite whom she wants that she will NOTT soon forget it. Sorry to hear she is doing this to you, but save yourself and humor her:)
Tell her you appreciate all the help but at the same time she are stealing the wedding day away from you. You also need to make sure the groom to be is on the same page with you.
Do not let her run your wedding, you have to sit down and get the final wedding list down.
Unless it is a holiday weekend 6 months notice should be a good for save the date.
Maybe you should act like your feeling are hurt next time, she plans something without you.
This is YOUR wedding. You must show her respect, not obeisance. Have a pow-wow with your parents, your fiance, her and you, and her son should read her the Riot Act ahead of time. If he doesn't stand up to his mother now, you're going to have a very rough marriage because she will always try to control you and him. Do it NOW. And if her feelings get hurt because you stand up for yourself, so what? That won't kill her. Treat her with love and respect, tell her you value her input, but what YOU want will be what is going to be, and you would appreciate her cooperation.
If she wants a bigger bash then you do, suggest that she keep to your plans but throw a party after the wedding for those who couldn't be invited the first time around. Good luck, and congratulations.
Think of it this way...if you don't speak up who's going to suffer the most?? Your Father....he's the one paying for it so as far as I see, besides you and your fiance, he's the only other person who should have a say in this whole affair....
What does your fiance say about all this?? You should talk to him about it....I really think you need to nip this in the bud and quick!!!!
This sounds like the movie '; Monster in Law'; if you haven't seen it, do......
Simple answer first: You can send Save-the-Date cards a year in advance, though most people do that 6 to 9 months ahead of time. It really depends on your guests. Mainly this is used for people who will have to coordinate travel plans... or folks that are more 'socialites' or have more pressing schedules.
As for the Mother-in-Law / Wedding situation:
1) It is imperitive that you talk with your fiance immediately. You must be on the 'same page' with him so that you can be united in your message to his mother. If he seeks to appease his mom and you keep nodding then doing something else, you're going to wind up with a big mess.
2) Once you %26amp; your fiance have decided together that your wedding will be 'small' - so it provides the intimacy you're looking for AND stays within your parents' budget - you must then sit down with your mother-in-law.
Let her know that you appreciate her enthusiasm with regard to your wedding but that you are limiting the number of guests because that is what YOU (the 2 of you) want for YOUR wedding. It's okay to tell her that there is a budget for the reception. She may offer to pay the extra for her family %26amp; friends. You'll have to stand firm that you only want 60 guests. And, again, thank her for her offer... and her understanding. [People live up to the expectations you have for them. So, treat her like she's 'excited' for the 2 of you and just getting a bit carried away.]
Tell her that she can invite 'x' number of people - if that's 30 from each side. And, if absolutely necessary, remind her that this is YOUR wedding, not hers. Maybe even suggest that if she would like to hold a separate party for her family %26amp; friends to celebrate your wedding after the fact, that she can certainly do that as a generous gift to the 2 of you. ;-)
Take a deep breath. This is a temporary situation. Your marriage and your love for your hubby-to-be will endure!
You have all the 'say so' in this! Your the one getting married not her, and your Dad is doing the paying. If you let her walk over you know then its going to be a lot worse later..trust me on this, i have been there!! Just let her know the limits (guests under 60 and thats it)!! I would be stubborn with her, because she sounds like she is in control when you need to be in control. If her feelings get hurt then talk with her alone, but DO NOT change your mind. If she knows where you stand on things then (more than likely she will) she wont try to over power you, because after a while she will relize that it doesnt work with you. She will get over her hurt feelings, she is a big girl. Also , i think its never too early to send out save the date cards to people.
Anyway thats what worked for me. I hope things work out for you and your wedding, i have gone through this kinda thing and I know there is hope!
Have your fiance talk to her. It won't be as bad coming from him as it would from you, or at least do it as a couple. Explain to her why this is unacceptable behavior.
1) Your budget cannot afford over the 60 you have allotted his side, and she is not contributing.
2) Even though she wants to invite the whole family and then some it is not her wedding but your fiance and yours, and ultimately you, he, and your father (who is paying) will have the final say-so.
So even if she sends these cards out that doesn't mean they will all get an invite in the end. (By the way, when you order invites DO NOT give her any. Mail them all out yourself.)
Ask her to make a guest list and write it in the order of importance. From her all the way down to 4th cousin (by marriage) Mabel. Then tell her that you will take the top 60 (or whatever number you choose) and cannot guarantee anyone else will get an invite, but after your side makes their list, and you as a couple make your list, and if there are any left-over openings you will take from her list in the order of importance.
.......And yes, it's WAY too early to send out save-the-date cards. Wait until this time next year, or at least spring 2008.
I am having a similar problem, My wedding is in less than 2 months and my finace and I are paying for everything. My future MIL has decided to send out her own invitations to those ppl we didn't feel the need to invite. She has added approx. 20 ppl to our guest list, ppl that my fiance doesn't even know!!
I finally out my foot down and made it clear to her that the extra ppl she invited she would have to pay for. Everything down to the chair they parked their butt on and the food they shoved in their mouths. She decided to chill after she knew that she was going to be responsible for their cost.
Your fiance needs to help with this though, take it from my experience, you doing it alone will only make things worse.
I don't want to sound mean, but how did you let it get this far? If you would have cut her off much earlier then this she wouldn't think that this horrible behavior is acceptable. And yes it is WAY to early to send out save-the-dates. Good luck dealing with this for the rest of your life if you let her get away with it now. Plus, you don't want to end up resenting her just because you didn't have the b@lls to stand up for yourself and make your wedding day your own.
Somebody needs to sit on this woman, and it needs to be her son.
1: it's far too early to send out save the date cards
2: one NEVER sends out save the date cards to someone else's wedding
3: the groom's mother is not in charge of the guest list
4: if she wants to invite a million people without consulting the bride and groom, she'd better be ready to darn well pay for them or eat crow and uninvite them herself.
Where is your fiance's father in all this? Is he in the picture? If so, why isn't he doing anything about this?
If a quiet word from your fiance doesn't take care of this, then it's time for a family pow-wow where you, your father, AND your fiance all inform her that her plan is not acceptable and will not be financed or countenanced by anyone else.
Stick to your guns...and hurry to book a place that won't accomodate more than 120 people.
Tell her thanks for the enthusiasm and wanting to help, but that You've got it taken care of so far. Remind her that this far ina dvance, dates are likely to change, so to please not send out save the date cards. GIve her something to be in charge of to distract her from other things. Like maybe put her in charge of getting the favors and trying ribbons or something. That way, she has her own projects and is less likely to get involved with things she shouldn't be.
Getting Married Need Hairstlye Advice? Pics?
I am getting married soon and need a hairstyle for my weeding. This is my friends account.
http://i579.photobucket.com/albums/ss235鈥?/a>Getting Married Need Hairstlye Advice? Pics?
I agree, I'm kinda liking the first picture submitted. If you don't that's alright. Your fiance loves you for you, so if you go as you are I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Congratulations on your wedding!Getting Married Need Hairstlye Advice? Pics?
you should get your hair feathered out at the ends, and soft bangs sweeping to the side. to put a spin on the simplicity of the hairstyle, add some beautiful pins, or a crystal headband on your hairline right behind your bangs. it would look so pretty. mazel tov!
http://images.meredith.com/more/images/03/ss_ShortHairPhoto2.jpg
btf
http://i579.photobucket.com/albums/ss235鈥?/a>Getting Married Need Hairstlye Advice? Pics?
I agree, I'm kinda liking the first picture submitted. If you don't that's alright. Your fiance loves you for you, so if you go as you are I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Congratulations on your wedding!Getting Married Need Hairstlye Advice? Pics?
you should get your hair feathered out at the ends, and soft bangs sweeping to the side. to put a spin on the simplicity of the hairstyle, add some beautiful pins, or a crystal headband on your hairline right behind your bangs. it would look so pretty. mazel tov!
http://images.meredith.com/more/images/03/ss_ShortHairPhoto2.jpg
btf
What is some of the best advice to not think about gettting married and having kids?
me and my bf have been together for 2 years and we love each other so much, I want these things, I am not demanding them, but eventually i would like them. Right now he doesnt feel the same but I know he is serious about me. I just need advice so I can stop thinking about it so much.I know I am young but please help, also why are guys so scared of it, what are your reasons?What is some of the best advice to not think about gettting married and having kids?
if you don't want to think about marriage and having kids.........
then start thinking about dumping him..... for the religious life..... go join a convent.
otherwise...... get a job...... have some hobbies to do......
or just keep bugging the fool....... to get married..... or propose to him.fashion makeup your cosmetics
if you don't want to think about marriage and having kids.........
then start thinking about dumping him..... for the religious life..... go join a convent.
otherwise...... get a job...... have some hobbies to do......
or just keep bugging the fool....... to get married..... or propose to him.
What does it mean when a married woman who has a flirtatious friendship with a guy turns to him for advice?
This would be a girl who does not like the friends girlfriend as the girlfriend caught them having an inappropriate conversation before she was married. They hide that they talk but she is getting more forward in contacting him. Shouldnt she be talking to her husband about her concerns? What does it mean that she is turning to the ';flirtatious friend'; ?What does it mean when a married woman who has a flirtatious friendship with a guy turns to him for advice?
She probably should be talking to her husband, and no, this isn't a good sign. Even if nothing comes of it, a person constantly putting themself in a situation that tempts fate is harming the situation. Not good. Hopefully, she'll realize what she is doing before she goes down an even more slippery slope.What does it mean when a married woman who has a flirtatious friendship with a guy turns to him for advice?
Theres phone sex, theres cyber sex and there are friends with benefits. Shes a slut.
well first of all you haven't cheated yet i hope, and about telling your husband about it well he aint going to like it or i say. But maybe your husband is into that, you know....so you mite tell him about it. also think about that your husband is doing that to you, would you like that, and if your turning into a flirtatious friend it mite be that your husband is not giving you that kind of attention, theres a lot of issues that go through a marriage goog luck i mean to that girl...............
She probably should be talking to her husband, and no, this isn't a good sign. Even if nothing comes of it, a person constantly putting themself in a situation that tempts fate is harming the situation. Not good. Hopefully, she'll realize what she is doing before she goes down an even more slippery slope.What does it mean when a married woman who has a flirtatious friendship with a guy turns to him for advice?
Theres phone sex, theres cyber sex and there are friends with benefits. Shes a slut.
well first of all you haven't cheated yet i hope, and about telling your husband about it well he aint going to like it or i say. But maybe your husband is into that, you know....so you mite tell him about it. also think about that your husband is doing that to you, would you like that, and if your turning into a flirtatious friend it mite be that your husband is not giving you that kind of attention, theres a lot of issues that go through a marriage goog luck i mean to that girl...............
Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
When it comes to our own problems...we are at a lost? Why can't we ever take our own advice and make it work for our marriage. And for the few that do, how do you apply your advice to your marriage. I can tell a person all day LEAVE OR....this or that. But let me face the same issue it's like W..T..F...Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
Because it the right answer is always clearer to the person on the outside looking in. When it is our own situation, we look at it with rose-colored glasses and emotions fog our ability to make clear and concise choices.
It is always easy to tell someone to leave, but when you are the person that needs to leave, your emotions can get the best of you and literally make you blind to the problems that are obvious and right in front of you. Like they say-love is blind. Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
I think experience has a lot to do with it. I've been married for 22 years and I've been through so much that my advice is only rarely theoretical - usually, it's something I've already done. One point I'd like to stress, though, is that in the over 3,000 questions I have answered, I have only recommended divorce on a small handful of occasions, usually involving intractable, serial cheating. And that's because, for me, leaving my spouse would be theoretical. It is a ';solution'; I have never attempted and hope never to be in a position where it seems like the best idea.
I have learned over the last few years not to give advice. I always felt that I knew exactly what I or someone else should do in a given situation, but once it happens (such as a cheating spouse), you find that what you thought you would or should do may be different. I try to just be there for my friends when they are in need, that is the best way that I can help.
Your own problems will involve subjective input, which is a normal response because we are emotionally involved within the issue at hand. Someone else's problems do not involve you emotionally, therefore you can be objective. It doesn't mean there are two standards, it really means there are two very normal and distinct responses due to the involvement of emotions or not.
I'm certain that if I have to face a problem/issue, then I would take my own advice. I'm sure there are many situations that would hurt me, or bruise my ego. My life is nowhere near perfect and I do sometimes ask for help on here myself. I've faced a lot of the same problems in my past/youth that I often see on here. But I'm older, and wiser now and certainly know what's in my best interest. If I'd only known then, what I know now........ ;)
I think its just wishful thinking on everyones problem. wishing our spouse would change this or that when really deep down they'r not gonna do it, so ya its better to give advice then to receive it. or people could just be jelouse of the fact you might be right about who you really are or the other person. change can be hard to do we are not perfect and we all live and learn right?
Some things are easier said than done...
I know that leaving a husband of many years is hard. And I think that is why so many stick around and continue to live in unhappiness...
But if they only realized how much happier they would be without a loser - they might be strong to invest in their own future and happiness.
This is a great question - it's easy to have perspective on other people's problems but it's a lot harder when it's your own shoes you're walking in. I'm sure my advice to myself would be very different than what I'm actually doing.
Maybe it's easier to justify misery to yourself than to others?
Great question Sassy!
i just try to remove my emotion from it. it doesnt get you anywhere but 1/2 way to crazy. ill write the pros and cons to see them in black and white for what they really are. then ask myself, K is this really what you want? Ive been in that spot twice and it worked for me. Just have to keep what is real and what you wish seprate.
it makes me feel good to let out, good or bad advice to others, because i was given the advice too. good or bad. it doesn't really matter, its what you decide to do about it. and stick to ur guns. regret is the worst feeling. we all are good counselors to others. by doing this we don't have to think about our own problems. and we then think we don't have it so bad after all. then we move forward.
Because our emotions are not attached to the situation being discussed. It's easy to stand on the outside and be able to see clearly what is going on but when you are in the middle of it, emotions can cloud your vision.
Its difficult to take our own advice because we have a feeling that it won't work in that situation in our marriage. It just seems easier to help someone else out whose having problems while we tend to ignore our own advise.
Because we know what needs to be done to fix our own problems, we are just not BRAVE enough to do them...it's sad, actually. I should take some of my own advice! ;-) I've often pondered this same question myself, thanks for asking!
I only answer to questions I can relate to and learned to make changes for the better of our relationship.
i understand what you saying because as the saying goes its easier said than done we can give the advice but its hard for us to put it onto practise
I usually don't give advice unless I've gone through a situation that came out pretty well. Or else, I put the question on my watchlist, so I can get the answers too!
Its eaiser to be objective when its someone elses problem.
each person is different but it always easier to give advice than to take it
Its easy to read about it and think about it but once you in it you are blind.
because we are answering the question and have no emotional ties. so it appears clear to us.
simple all married people cant give the best advice.
Sister I am in your exact shoes. Thats because leaving sounds easier than it is.
because if i took my own advice my husband would back hand me like a b*tch!
Because we can read their problems and see them as black %26amp; white, while our own lives seem gray!!!
Its normal. Just follow your heart and remember that we were given life to LIVE...so live and be happy!
When it comes to our own problems...we are at a lost? Why can't we ever take our own advice and make it work for our marriage. And for the few that do, how do you apply your advice to your marriage. I can tell a person all day LEAVE OR....this or that. But let me face the same issue it's like W..T..F...Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
Because it the right answer is always clearer to the person on the outside looking in. When it is our own situation, we look at it with rose-colored glasses and emotions fog our ability to make clear and concise choices.
It is always easy to tell someone to leave, but when you are the person that needs to leave, your emotions can get the best of you and literally make you blind to the problems that are obvious and right in front of you. Like they say-love is blind. Married people, why is it we can give the best advice to others, but....?
I think experience has a lot to do with it. I've been married for 22 years and I've been through so much that my advice is only rarely theoretical - usually, it's something I've already done. One point I'd like to stress, though, is that in the over 3,000 questions I have answered, I have only recommended divorce on a small handful of occasions, usually involving intractable, serial cheating. And that's because, for me, leaving my spouse would be theoretical. It is a ';solution'; I have never attempted and hope never to be in a position where it seems like the best idea.
I have learned over the last few years not to give advice. I always felt that I knew exactly what I or someone else should do in a given situation, but once it happens (such as a cheating spouse), you find that what you thought you would or should do may be different. I try to just be there for my friends when they are in need, that is the best way that I can help.
Your own problems will involve subjective input, which is a normal response because we are emotionally involved within the issue at hand. Someone else's problems do not involve you emotionally, therefore you can be objective. It doesn't mean there are two standards, it really means there are two very normal and distinct responses due to the involvement of emotions or not.
I'm certain that if I have to face a problem/issue, then I would take my own advice. I'm sure there are many situations that would hurt me, or bruise my ego. My life is nowhere near perfect and I do sometimes ask for help on here myself. I've faced a lot of the same problems in my past/youth that I often see on here. But I'm older, and wiser now and certainly know what's in my best interest. If I'd only known then, what I know now........ ;)
I think its just wishful thinking on everyones problem. wishing our spouse would change this or that when really deep down they'r not gonna do it, so ya its better to give advice then to receive it. or people could just be jelouse of the fact you might be right about who you really are or the other person. change can be hard to do we are not perfect and we all live and learn right?
Some things are easier said than done...
I know that leaving a husband of many years is hard. And I think that is why so many stick around and continue to live in unhappiness...
But if they only realized how much happier they would be without a loser - they might be strong to invest in their own future and happiness.
This is a great question - it's easy to have perspective on other people's problems but it's a lot harder when it's your own shoes you're walking in. I'm sure my advice to myself would be very different than what I'm actually doing.
Maybe it's easier to justify misery to yourself than to others?
Great question Sassy!
i just try to remove my emotion from it. it doesnt get you anywhere but 1/2 way to crazy. ill write the pros and cons to see them in black and white for what they really are. then ask myself, K is this really what you want? Ive been in that spot twice and it worked for me. Just have to keep what is real and what you wish seprate.
it makes me feel good to let out, good or bad advice to others, because i was given the advice too. good or bad. it doesn't really matter, its what you decide to do about it. and stick to ur guns. regret is the worst feeling. we all are good counselors to others. by doing this we don't have to think about our own problems. and we then think we don't have it so bad after all. then we move forward.
Because our emotions are not attached to the situation being discussed. It's easy to stand on the outside and be able to see clearly what is going on but when you are in the middle of it, emotions can cloud your vision.
Its difficult to take our own advice because we have a feeling that it won't work in that situation in our marriage. It just seems easier to help someone else out whose having problems while we tend to ignore our own advise.
Because we know what needs to be done to fix our own problems, we are just not BRAVE enough to do them...it's sad, actually. I should take some of my own advice! ;-) I've often pondered this same question myself, thanks for asking!
I only answer to questions I can relate to and learned to make changes for the better of our relationship.
i understand what you saying because as the saying goes its easier said than done we can give the advice but its hard for us to put it onto practise
I usually don't give advice unless I've gone through a situation that came out pretty well. Or else, I put the question on my watchlist, so I can get the answers too!
Its eaiser to be objective when its someone elses problem.
each person is different but it always easier to give advice than to take it
Its easy to read about it and think about it but once you in it you are blind.
because we are answering the question and have no emotional ties. so it appears clear to us.
simple all married people cant give the best advice.
Sister I am in your exact shoes. Thats because leaving sounds easier than it is.
because if i took my own advice my husband would back hand me like a b*tch!
Because we can read their problems and see them as black %26amp; white, while our own lives seem gray!!!
Its normal. Just follow your heart and remember that we were given life to LIVE...so live and be happy!
I need some advice. A friend of mine has been seeing a married man, what advice should i give her?
seriously i'd say don't give her any at all she won't listen and will only resent you for doing it just tell her that you will be there when she needs you caus she will.I need some advice. A friend of mine has been seeing a married man, what advice should i give her?
If taking a moral stand is more important than being her friend, then take it. If your friend is more important, state the obvious and let it be. We all learn by trial and error.
Added: She is not the bad person in this and it is not her that is ruining any relationship; it's the husband. He's made a decision that affects his family. She just happens to be enabling it.I need some advice. A friend of mine has been seeing a married man, what advice should i give her?
there's no need 2 tell her that wat she does is wrong coz im sure she's well aware of it.
just tell her she shld b ready 4 d consequences
Tell her once that having an affair with a married man is not right and it won't last long. Tell her to stop the affair NOW because she may not realize it but she is destroying a family - taking away the father of his kids, and the husband of his wife.
Would she be happy if a woman does the same thing to her and her family in the future?
Stop!
He is married.
Find someone who is free, not a liar and a cheater.
You know, that's so weird because a week ago i was having the EXACT SAME problem with my friend. She is also seeing a married man and I'm like thinking 'What has happened to my friend and why is she doing this to herself'! So anyway, i sat her down and told her about the baddies of this whole thing of being a mistress and this is what i said:
*I asked her how she would feel if she was married one day and her husband had a mistress. NOT GOOD!
*That if she thinks she can have a good relationship with this man, then she is wrong because how does she know that the married guy is going to stick to her only! I mean, he will run off with another mistress! Once a cheat, always a cheat!
*It is sinful!
*She should rather find an UNmarried guy and SINGLE guy and have fun with him. I mean, NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
If he see you he is seeing others don't be fooled he's a cheater and will cheat on her too.
The best advice?
';Stop seeing a married man. If he isn't loyal to his wife, he isn't gonna be loyal to you. DUH!';
Tell her its not always great being 2nd on a priority list.
leave your friend alone. everyone fights their own battle.
find out if you can get some of the action
If he cheats now how will she be able to trust him in the future not to cheat on her at some point. Is this how much value he puts on his relationships and commitments
Stay away, dont ruin a perfectly good marriage, and besides he will never leave his wife for her, just aint worth it.
IF they cheat on the wives, they'll cheat on the g/f..ask her, how she'd feel if she was this guys wife and there was another woman..hits the mark!
Your advice to her should be that she is helping this man commit adultery. This man may or may not have children and no doubt this is or will be effecting them as well. You need to tell her that she must stop as soon as possible. If they want to be together then they should do it the legal way and get everything out in the open. If she failed to stop then I would keep my distance from them both till they fall. Then I would be there for her.
Don't get caught. Use a condom. Other than that, keep out of it, did she ask for your advice?
Your friend is wrong, especially since she knows this guy is married. There is absolutely no excuse for going out with a married man. This relationship won't go anywhere, if the man is cheating on his wife then he will end up cheating on your friend. Doesn't your friend have any consideration for the guy's wife? I don't know if the guy has kids, but if he does then your friend is playing a part in causing pain to them in addition to his wife. If he's the type to cheat, does your friend even know that she's the only ';other woman.'; My friend was going out with a married man and she had the nerve to be mad when she found out he was ';cheating on her'; with a third girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Your friend is going to end up with a broken heart (and really, that's what she deserves), so I guess if she won't listen to you about dumping the guy, stand by to help her pick up the pieces when it all blows up in her face.
well brat...everybody knows that being in love is all wrong when it comes to married one.
but dont let her feel guilty for having love feelings...but show her the mistake for being fall to the wrong person.
if she's married, she definately don't want her husband cheating on her too, right?
if she keep pursue her relationship with this married guy then...she gotta be ready for all the risks...
remind her...coz eventhough you're trying to stop her, it will never will get trough until she realize what she's doing wrong.
He is cheating on his wife to be with her, and what dose she think is going to happen to her? once a cheater, always a cheater.
to find a single man and stop being a HOME WRECKER
Well, I would inform the man's wife about it and see what she does.
explain that the married man is just using her and he will never his wife.
TELL HER THAT ALL THESE THIGNS ARE NOT GOOG SIGN OF OURSELF MARRIED LIFE IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MARRIED MAN JUST THINK YOU ARE MAKING TROUBLE FOR HIS FAMILY MEMBERS EVEN FOR YOUR SELF NEVER KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP WHICH GIVES YOU HURTY ALWAYS KEEP THAT RELATIONSHIP WHICH GIVES PLEASURE BUT THIS RELATIONSHIP GIVES ONLY HATE %26amp; ANGER STOP ALL THIS DONT MAKE YOUR LIFE %26amp; ANY OTHERS MEASURABLE
Just tell her that she needs to get a reality check. Been there and done that. And she will get upset with you. But when it comes to an end. Don't say I told you so. Just be there for her.
i think she's old enough to think for herself
Enjoy his company if she must, but don't believe any of the lies he is telling her about leaving his wife for her. As long as she is OK with being used by him for his pleasure, she should go about her business with him. All of this is being done as consenting adults.
DON'T GET CAUGHT!!!!!
tell her that married man won't leaves his wife and family one.
Please tell her to stop seeing this married man. My husband told me he would never cheat on me but he did. He left me suddenly and without warning when he got a girl pregnant. He told me at first he just wasn't happy being married and having the responsibility of a wife and family. I was devastated. I found out about the pregnant girlfriend after our divorce. He married her three months after leaving me. He was sleeping with me not only when he was sleeping with her, but through the first two months of her pregnancy. Disgusting. Since then I have learned he cheated on me throughout our marraige with other girls. Had he not gotten this girl pregnant we would probably still be together, and I would still be in the dark.
I don't think he really ever wanted to leave me- just have his cake and eat it too.
This girl isn't special, she just got pregnant. He'll resent her even more than he did me because he's truly trapped now. She may feel like she's won a real prize and that he must love her a lot to leave his wife, but she will learn in time what a monster he can be. Anyone capable of betraying the very person they vowed to cherish is a monster. No healthy person starts an affair before they end their marraige. It's a very weak and twisted thing to do.
Anyone willing to start a relationship with a married person should prepare themselves for the consequences. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
And tell your friend for what it's worth that the pain that his actions caused me is overwhelming. I have been suicidal. I have woken up crying in my sleep. It has been nine months since my divorce and I'm not at all ';over it';.
No one has the right to hurt another person as much as he AND this other person has. What happens when your friend stops being the fun, exciting escape, and starts having expectations and needs, and the real relationship starts?
It's cruel to be involved with someone else's husband. A cheating spouse will say anything to justify their behavior. I was such a good wife to my husband, and there was no reason to cheat- we had so much going for us. He just couldn't be faithful. You're friend can't know what his marraige is really like- do you think he would tell her the truth if he knew he had no real reason to do this other than selfishness, lack of impulse control, or a low self esteem?
Whatever your friend think she sees in this person it is all based on lies whether she wants to see reality for what it is or not. She should run, not walk, away from this situation.
I really hope for the sake of all concerned that she does.
Knock it off....to much drama.
Watch yourself!! You will get hurt!
If taking a moral stand is more important than being her friend, then take it. If your friend is more important, state the obvious and let it be. We all learn by trial and error.
Added: She is not the bad person in this and it is not her that is ruining any relationship; it's the husband. He's made a decision that affects his family. She just happens to be enabling it.I need some advice. A friend of mine has been seeing a married man, what advice should i give her?
there's no need 2 tell her that wat she does is wrong coz im sure she's well aware of it.
just tell her she shld b ready 4 d consequences
Tell her once that having an affair with a married man is not right and it won't last long. Tell her to stop the affair NOW because she may not realize it but she is destroying a family - taking away the father of his kids, and the husband of his wife.
Would she be happy if a woman does the same thing to her and her family in the future?
Stop!
He is married.
Find someone who is free, not a liar and a cheater.
You know, that's so weird because a week ago i was having the EXACT SAME problem with my friend. She is also seeing a married man and I'm like thinking 'What has happened to my friend and why is she doing this to herself'! So anyway, i sat her down and told her about the baddies of this whole thing of being a mistress and this is what i said:
*I asked her how she would feel if she was married one day and her husband had a mistress. NOT GOOD!
*That if she thinks she can have a good relationship with this man, then she is wrong because how does she know that the married guy is going to stick to her only! I mean, he will run off with another mistress! Once a cheat, always a cheat!
*It is sinful!
*She should rather find an UNmarried guy and SINGLE guy and have fun with him. I mean, NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
If he see you he is seeing others don't be fooled he's a cheater and will cheat on her too.
The best advice?
';Stop seeing a married man. If he isn't loyal to his wife, he isn't gonna be loyal to you. DUH!';
Tell her its not always great being 2nd on a priority list.
leave your friend alone. everyone fights their own battle.
find out if you can get some of the action
If he cheats now how will she be able to trust him in the future not to cheat on her at some point. Is this how much value he puts on his relationships and commitments
Stay away, dont ruin a perfectly good marriage, and besides he will never leave his wife for her, just aint worth it.
IF they cheat on the wives, they'll cheat on the g/f..ask her, how she'd feel if she was this guys wife and there was another woman..hits the mark!
Your advice to her should be that she is helping this man commit adultery. This man may or may not have children and no doubt this is or will be effecting them as well. You need to tell her that she must stop as soon as possible. If they want to be together then they should do it the legal way and get everything out in the open. If she failed to stop then I would keep my distance from them both till they fall. Then I would be there for her.
Don't get caught. Use a condom. Other than that, keep out of it, did she ask for your advice?
Your friend is wrong, especially since she knows this guy is married. There is absolutely no excuse for going out with a married man. This relationship won't go anywhere, if the man is cheating on his wife then he will end up cheating on your friend. Doesn't your friend have any consideration for the guy's wife? I don't know if the guy has kids, but if he does then your friend is playing a part in causing pain to them in addition to his wife. If he's the type to cheat, does your friend even know that she's the only ';other woman.'; My friend was going out with a married man and she had the nerve to be mad when she found out he was ';cheating on her'; with a third girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Your friend is going to end up with a broken heart (and really, that's what she deserves), so I guess if she won't listen to you about dumping the guy, stand by to help her pick up the pieces when it all blows up in her face.
well brat...everybody knows that being in love is all wrong when it comes to married one.
but dont let her feel guilty for having love feelings...but show her the mistake for being fall to the wrong person.
if she's married, she definately don't want her husband cheating on her too, right?
if she keep pursue her relationship with this married guy then...she gotta be ready for all the risks...
remind her...coz eventhough you're trying to stop her, it will never will get trough until she realize what she's doing wrong.
He is cheating on his wife to be with her, and what dose she think is going to happen to her? once a cheater, always a cheater.
to find a single man and stop being a HOME WRECKER
Well, I would inform the man's wife about it and see what she does.
explain that the married man is just using her and he will never his wife.
TELL HER THAT ALL THESE THIGNS ARE NOT GOOG SIGN OF OURSELF MARRIED LIFE IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MARRIED MAN JUST THINK YOU ARE MAKING TROUBLE FOR HIS FAMILY MEMBERS EVEN FOR YOUR SELF NEVER KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP WHICH GIVES YOU HURTY ALWAYS KEEP THAT RELATIONSHIP WHICH GIVES PLEASURE BUT THIS RELATIONSHIP GIVES ONLY HATE %26amp; ANGER STOP ALL THIS DONT MAKE YOUR LIFE %26amp; ANY OTHERS MEASURABLE
Just tell her that she needs to get a reality check. Been there and done that. And she will get upset with you. But when it comes to an end. Don't say I told you so. Just be there for her.
i think she's old enough to think for herself
Enjoy his company if she must, but don't believe any of the lies he is telling her about leaving his wife for her. As long as she is OK with being used by him for his pleasure, she should go about her business with him. All of this is being done as consenting adults.
DON'T GET CAUGHT!!!!!
tell her that married man won't leaves his wife and family one.
Please tell her to stop seeing this married man. My husband told me he would never cheat on me but he did. He left me suddenly and without warning when he got a girl pregnant. He told me at first he just wasn't happy being married and having the responsibility of a wife and family. I was devastated. I found out about the pregnant girlfriend after our divorce. He married her three months after leaving me. He was sleeping with me not only when he was sleeping with her, but through the first two months of her pregnancy. Disgusting. Since then I have learned he cheated on me throughout our marraige with other girls. Had he not gotten this girl pregnant we would probably still be together, and I would still be in the dark.
I don't think he really ever wanted to leave me- just have his cake and eat it too.
This girl isn't special, she just got pregnant. He'll resent her even more than he did me because he's truly trapped now. She may feel like she's won a real prize and that he must love her a lot to leave his wife, but she will learn in time what a monster he can be. Anyone capable of betraying the very person they vowed to cherish is a monster. No healthy person starts an affair before they end their marraige. It's a very weak and twisted thing to do.
Anyone willing to start a relationship with a married person should prepare themselves for the consequences. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
And tell your friend for what it's worth that the pain that his actions caused me is overwhelming. I have been suicidal. I have woken up crying in my sleep. It has been nine months since my divorce and I'm not at all ';over it';.
No one has the right to hurt another person as much as he AND this other person has. What happens when your friend stops being the fun, exciting escape, and starts having expectations and needs, and the real relationship starts?
It's cruel to be involved with someone else's husband. A cheating spouse will say anything to justify their behavior. I was such a good wife to my husband, and there was no reason to cheat- we had so much going for us. He just couldn't be faithful. You're friend can't know what his marraige is really like- do you think he would tell her the truth if he knew he had no real reason to do this other than selfishness, lack of impulse control, or a low self esteem?
Whatever your friend think she sees in this person it is all based on lies whether she wants to see reality for what it is or not. She should run, not walk, away from this situation.
I really hope for the sake of all concerned that she does.
Knock it off....to much drama.
Watch yourself!! You will get hurt!
Need Advice Hooked up with a Married Women?
Hello, me and a close friend who happens to be married hooked up last week in my car. It was a long time coming but we are really attractive to each other and the kissing was incredible and i also kissed her breast and felt her up too... Now i am really interested in her but she said that we should just hook up 1 more time and call it quits since she thinks she will want more and does not want feelings...So advice what should I do?? ThanksNeed Advice Hooked up with a Married Women?
what a s.lut!Need Advice Hooked up with a Married Women?
Stop messing with married people.
heres some advice...STAY AWAY FROM HER!
what a s.lut!Need Advice Hooked up with a Married Women?
Stop messing with married people.
heres some advice...STAY AWAY FROM HER!
Ok, im getting married and i need some advice...?
im a guy, but my future wife doesnt know where to look either... please answer these questions:
a good idea to have a friend do the flower arrangments?
if we have our wedding at the church, is it a good idea to have the reception somewhere else?
how much money can i expect to spend? (an average would be fine)
i have more questions, but those are a start for me.Ok, im getting married and i need some advice...?
1. Only use the friend if they are reliable and willing to listen to what you want for your arrangements, otherwise this could lead to last minute panic later down the track.
2. You usually have the reception at a different location from the church (ie restaurant, function hall, garden, etc)
3. How much you spend on a wedding really depends on how much you can afford and what style you are wanting. I have done Weddings for as little as $5000 or a lot more. Talk about a budget with your fiance.Ok, im getting married and i need some advice...?
It IS a good idea to have a friend do the floral arrangements. My friend did mine. The biggest advantage is that a friend knows your personality and can make suggestions you wouldnt think of.
As far as having the reception elsewhere, youd have to ask your church leaders if you can even host a reception there. Some do not allow it.
If youre worried about how much money youll spend, check out ebay or amazon for books on the subject (How to have a wedding for 5k or less or something like that). Also, look for reception places that offer package deals. Some places offer everything (DJ, limo, ceremony, flowers, etc) for one price. They just limit the number of guests.
If you know of any upcoming bridal showcases in your town, I would suggest attending a few. Check your local hotel. Its a great way to see whats out there. Many vendors offer discounts if you book at a show too. If you attend a few showcases, youll be able to interact with a lot of vendors and pick and choose. Take price sheets and brochures home to compare.
1. Only if you have seen your friends flower arrangements and like them.
2. If you want to have alchohol at the reception it is a good idea to have the recpetion elsewhere.
3. the average wedding costs anywhere from $5,000-$10,000. There are ways of cutting coests, I hope that has helped.
churches usually don't allow alcohol for receptions....just depends what you are looking for.
Your friend doing the flowers depends if they are professional or again what you are looking for.
Money to spend depends on what you want and how many people.
Looks to me like you might could use a wedding planner.
here are some wedding ideas you have not thought of, your future wife too - seriously both of you need to see this site
http://www.gomestic.com/Entertaining/Pla鈥?/a>
this is the kind of wedding I had.. and no regrets..
It is almost impossible to give you an amount because he reception cost depends on how many people you're inviting what kind of food you're serving, if you're using caterers or having the family cook it all, the location (New York costs more than Minot, ND)...impossible to even give you an
';average';. Sure a friend can do floral arrangements - if they are dependable, but sometimes a local florist doing moderate arrangements costs less than reimbursing a friend for expenses if that friend is buying materials at Michael's and doesn't have a wholesale account for flowers. In small towns it is usually cheaper to have the reception at the church hall but, surprisingly, in our city , when we went to book the adjacent hall and started to add up all the extras we had to rent, it turned ut to be cheaper to use a lovely golf course reception hall whic h had everything all-included. We are being very careful, and live in a large city, 5 bridesmaids, 5 groomsmen, buffet dinner for 110 plus ice carving and bar and deejay, and we're spending over $22,000.
if you don't have a lot of money have a celerant do the service ,pick a favourite spot in a park etc ,close friends and simple food , it doesn't mean your not in love not to be married in a church and god bless you both
it麓s definately not a bad idea to have a friend do the flower arrangements, you and your fiancee can tell him what you want... i get married in july and I麓m not spending tons because people in my church are giving me great support with video, pictures, food, church decoration, invitations, and pretty much everything else, all I麓m buying is my fiancee麓s dress, plane tickets for her parents to be here and my tuxedo rental, you should go and ask for support my man, there麓s nothing wrong with that, plus your real friends will be honored to participate...
if in doubt about the friends ability on the flower arrangement ask if she would show you what she would do...
You may be surprised and love what the friend comes up with.
It depends on where you want the reception. If the church has a place it is usually cheaper to do it there but if you like another place. Find out how much it will take. The cost depends on where you will have the wedding service and where you will have the reception and most of all how many you are inviting... What you are serving at the reception. Like finger food or a meal..
Good Luck and Congradulations
It can get a little awkward using friends for big things like flowers - though there is no reason you can't. Just make sure you keep that side of it purely business so that no one's feelings get too hurt if things don't pan out exactly like everyone wants!
Usually you wouldn't have a reception at a church - as far as I know! Unless you were to use a hall at the church (if it has one) - then you would have to organise catering and the rest. Otherwise look for a nearby restaurant and get ideas of prices and style of food.
Weddings can cost anywhere from $1,000 to $100,000 - it really depends on you and your fiance! Mine cost under $15,000 for 80 guests. I would suggest this is a good - average cost for a nice wedding that isn't too extravegant.
Make yourself a budget and go from there. And be realistic with the costs - you don't want to go into debt - and you don't want to miss out on little things that you could have afforded. Try and remember to include in your costs a space for 'unexpected' expenses - as they always crop up!
Hi and congratulations!
(1) Good idea to have a friend do the flower arrangements?
Answer: Yes, if he/she knows what they are doing! If they are experienced...then, yes, fine.
(2) Yes, the reception is usually at another location. Although many couples do have a reception at the church in the Fellowship Hall (if one is available.) However, most couples have a reception at a hotel or banquet facility.
(3) The average price of a wedding in the U.S. is $25,000.
You can still have a nice wedding for thousands less, though.
hi, first of all congrats on finding the perfect girl for you! marriage is a wonderful journey and i wish you a perfect one!
so, friends doing your flowers, if its done as a gift that's wonderful as you aren't spending a penny and you never complain about a gift, but if you are paying her to do them it can often lead to hard feelings and fractured friendships. if you hire a florist and they don't do what you want you can go and complain and argue and walk away. you can't really do that with a friend, oh sure you can complain and argue but you can't walk away.........so think about that very carefully. and that goes with a friend doing any work for you at any time. not just flowers for a wedding.
if your church has a hall and you can make use of it for your reception, why not? it is generally far less expensive than renting a hall or hotel ballroom.
as for the cost of a wedding, you should be able to have a nice wedding with approximately 100 guests for five thousand dollars. but it varies wildly depending on numbers, reception, etc.
good luck with it all and happy wedding!
$ is relative, it depends on what you want and how much of the work you are willing to put in. If the church has a nice area there is no reason you can't have the reception there, but be aware that you won't be able to ANY alcohol, but it will probably be cheaper that way. It also depends on if you want to serve meals or just do a snack thing... decide and then set the time of your wedding. If you chose an evening wedding you should serve dinner, if you just want them to snack and kick it for awhile an early afternoon wedding (1ish). The dress can and probably will be the largest single expense, shop around now, check out sales and even thrift/second hand stores... you might find a treasure. Set a budget and go from there. If you have any more questions you can email me.
Well I think the Church is a great idea, Also the reception should be something you both you and your loved one, love to do... just think a little and it will come to you... Ask her what she thinks... Thanks -Eric
First of all, congratulations! I am making my own bouquets and a friend is doing the arrangements with flowers from:
http://www.flowerexchange.com
It saves money and as long as your friend has talent and reliability there should be no problem.
As long as the ceremony and reception sites are fairly close (within a few miles of each) then having them separate is fine.
As for a budget, that depends on the wedding vision you two have, and what tastes apply.
My wedding budget is $5,000, so I have a few tricks up my sleeve =} Perhaps they'll help you with your questions and planning...
Here are a few of my money-saving tricks:
Wedding dress: I found a beautiful gown at http://www.groupusa.com/ for a little more than $300 (my splurge). They have beautiful gowns by wonderful designers from affordable to extravagent.
*Try places like GroupUSA, David's Bridal, and even eBay for knockout deals.
Bridal Jewelry: I found my crystal wedding jewelry at no other than Wal Mart. Originally I had been looking at genuine jewelry from big name stores, but decided to scrimp here to save money for the wedding gifts my fiance' and I plan to get each other.
*Don't forget retail sortes like Wal Mart and Target. My headpiece, earrings, and necklace by Crystal Collections came to $21.
Wedding location: I have four choices, a lovely place on the property of a family friend (I really want it to be there, if they agree to it), an that has 450 acres and a lovely ceremony maze and full wedding package, a church that has a SMALL fee and goes well with my wedding style, or on the mountain where my grandparents' grew up, married, and live.
*Look for unconventional venues; they'll be cheaper or even free.
Reception Site: I have two options here, one of which is the brand new mansion-style library in our town. It would cost only $199 ($100 refundable damage deposit, and $40 for a library worker to stay on site). The other would be our local arts building of the town center. They have several large and beautiful rooms and are roughly the same amount as the library.
*The same rule for venues applies here.
Caterer: My friends and family are fabulous cooks, and are going to provide a buffet-style meal for the wedding guests.
*Friends and family can really cut down on wedding expenses!
Cake: A friend of my fiance' and I is a cake baker, and would only charge us the price of the ingredients.
*If you don't have anyone who can provide this. Go for a two or three tier cake, and then have sheet cakes to cut for the bulk of the guests. That way you end up saving several hundred dollars. You can also have a two-tier cake, serving that only to wedding party, parents, and grandparents and serve guests with a cupcake tower.
Flowers: I am making my own bouquets. Flowers for a 30-stem wedding bouquet, toss bouqet, and six 20-stem bridesmaid bouquets would only run $40 before shipping costs from http://www.theflowerexchange.com. I am having a family friend do the arrangements for a fraction of the cost.
*Do as much as you can on your own!
Invitations: You can purchase nice paper, envelopes, and an emblam, and an ink cartridge and make your own for about $50. OR you could go to http:///www.invitationsbydawn.com
I'm getting 100 invitations for $64.95 (by the time the envelopes, etc are included it will be $107)
*Instead of $250-$350! Do what you can on your own, or look for budget-conscience resources like the one above.
DJ: My fiance's brother is a DJ, and will save us $975 by doing the reception as a wedding gift.
*If you don't have someone like this, consider cutting the cost by having premade CDs of the music you want, and have someone man the player.
Another tip, don't go for costly favors for the guests--most just throw them away--instead get glass vases and fill them with candy in your wedding colors, making an affordable (and memorable) candy buffet. Be sure to provide little bags. Have your bridesmaids' pay for their dress and shoes, and have a family friend who's good with hair or makeup help with that on the wedding day. Be sure to get them nice gifts!
If your attendants are on a budget, go to a place like http://ww.groupusa.com for dress ideas. My attendants dresses cost $119 each, and they're something they can wear again and again.
GO TO http://www.theknot.com It has everything you could ever need. Also get these books: Wedding Planning for Dummies, The Knot's Guide to Wedding Planning, and Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000. Your local library should have at least one of them.
Good luck!
Make money asking and answering questions like this at MyLot: http://www.mylot.com/?ref=khakigirl
If your friend is a florist and will give you a good deal on flower arrangements then definitely get a quote from her on how much it will cost as well as a couple of others. If you are looking to save money, then having your reception at the church would be a good way to do this. However, most churches do not allow alcohol at all. If you are having a reception at the church with just punch and cake then it might be around $2500 for everything depending on what your church costs. Mine is $1000 just for the ceremony. If you are going to have your reception somewhere other than the church with food and alcohol, I think you are looking at a minimum of $50 per person (heavy hors d-eouvres, beer, and wine). If you go with the seated dinner it will be even higher depending on whether or not you hire an outside caterer for the reception. Outside caterers seem to be cheaper than when the reception site caters. However, both will probably have a food purchase minimum. I hope this helps!
1. Unless your friend is a florist or has a significant amount of experience doing wedding arrangements, do not have them do the arrangement. Having friends participate in your wedding this way can put you into a difficult position. If you don't like it, it can be hard to tell them and most people have specific ideas. Therefore it is hard to convince them that their way is not best for you.
2. It is nice to have your reception somewhere else if you are having your wedding at a church. Most churches do not provide elegant facilities for a reception. But it is dependent on your church.
3. The price of your wedding it dependent mostly on the number of people you have. Smaller weddings, in general will cheaper. And it also depends on when and where you want your wedding. Week nights and Friday nights are generally cheaper than Saturdays. And open bars drive up the price. It also depends on what city your in. If you visit websites like theknot.com, it can give you information about venues and help you with a budget.
stay faithful and always put your family first.
a good idea to have a friend do the flower arrangments?
if we have our wedding at the church, is it a good idea to have the reception somewhere else?
how much money can i expect to spend? (an average would be fine)
i have more questions, but those are a start for me.Ok, im getting married and i need some advice...?
1. Only use the friend if they are reliable and willing to listen to what you want for your arrangements, otherwise this could lead to last minute panic later down the track.
2. You usually have the reception at a different location from the church (ie restaurant, function hall, garden, etc)
3. How much you spend on a wedding really depends on how much you can afford and what style you are wanting. I have done Weddings for as little as $5000 or a lot more. Talk about a budget with your fiance.Ok, im getting married and i need some advice...?
It IS a good idea to have a friend do the floral arrangements. My friend did mine. The biggest advantage is that a friend knows your personality and can make suggestions you wouldnt think of.
As far as having the reception elsewhere, youd have to ask your church leaders if you can even host a reception there. Some do not allow it.
If youre worried about how much money youll spend, check out ebay or amazon for books on the subject (How to have a wedding for 5k or less or something like that). Also, look for reception places that offer package deals. Some places offer everything (DJ, limo, ceremony, flowers, etc) for one price. They just limit the number of guests.
If you know of any upcoming bridal showcases in your town, I would suggest attending a few. Check your local hotel. Its a great way to see whats out there. Many vendors offer discounts if you book at a show too. If you attend a few showcases, youll be able to interact with a lot of vendors and pick and choose. Take price sheets and brochures home to compare.
1. Only if you have seen your friends flower arrangements and like them.
2. If you want to have alchohol at the reception it is a good idea to have the recpetion elsewhere.
3. the average wedding costs anywhere from $5,000-$10,000. There are ways of cutting coests, I hope that has helped.
churches usually don't allow alcohol for receptions....just depends what you are looking for.
Your friend doing the flowers depends if they are professional or again what you are looking for.
Money to spend depends on what you want and how many people.
Looks to me like you might could use a wedding planner.
here are some wedding ideas you have not thought of, your future wife too - seriously both of you need to see this site
http://www.gomestic.com/Entertaining/Pla鈥?/a>
this is the kind of wedding I had.. and no regrets..
It is almost impossible to give you an amount because he reception cost depends on how many people you're inviting what kind of food you're serving, if you're using caterers or having the family cook it all, the location (New York costs more than Minot, ND)...impossible to even give you an
';average';. Sure a friend can do floral arrangements - if they are dependable, but sometimes a local florist doing moderate arrangements costs less than reimbursing a friend for expenses if that friend is buying materials at Michael's and doesn't have a wholesale account for flowers. In small towns it is usually cheaper to have the reception at the church hall but, surprisingly, in our city , when we went to book the adjacent hall and started to add up all the extras we had to rent, it turned ut to be cheaper to use a lovely golf course reception hall whic h had everything all-included. We are being very careful, and live in a large city, 5 bridesmaids, 5 groomsmen, buffet dinner for 110 plus ice carving and bar and deejay, and we're spending over $22,000.
if you don't have a lot of money have a celerant do the service ,pick a favourite spot in a park etc ,close friends and simple food , it doesn't mean your not in love not to be married in a church and god bless you both
it麓s definately not a bad idea to have a friend do the flower arrangements, you and your fiancee can tell him what you want... i get married in july and I麓m not spending tons because people in my church are giving me great support with video, pictures, food, church decoration, invitations, and pretty much everything else, all I麓m buying is my fiancee麓s dress, plane tickets for her parents to be here and my tuxedo rental, you should go and ask for support my man, there麓s nothing wrong with that, plus your real friends will be honored to participate...
if in doubt about the friends ability on the flower arrangement ask if she would show you what she would do...
You may be surprised and love what the friend comes up with.
It depends on where you want the reception. If the church has a place it is usually cheaper to do it there but if you like another place. Find out how much it will take. The cost depends on where you will have the wedding service and where you will have the reception and most of all how many you are inviting... What you are serving at the reception. Like finger food or a meal..
Good Luck and Congradulations
It can get a little awkward using friends for big things like flowers - though there is no reason you can't. Just make sure you keep that side of it purely business so that no one's feelings get too hurt if things don't pan out exactly like everyone wants!
Usually you wouldn't have a reception at a church - as far as I know! Unless you were to use a hall at the church (if it has one) - then you would have to organise catering and the rest. Otherwise look for a nearby restaurant and get ideas of prices and style of food.
Weddings can cost anywhere from $1,000 to $100,000 - it really depends on you and your fiance! Mine cost under $15,000 for 80 guests. I would suggest this is a good - average cost for a nice wedding that isn't too extravegant.
Make yourself a budget and go from there. And be realistic with the costs - you don't want to go into debt - and you don't want to miss out on little things that you could have afforded. Try and remember to include in your costs a space for 'unexpected' expenses - as they always crop up!
Hi and congratulations!
(1) Good idea to have a friend do the flower arrangements?
Answer: Yes, if he/she knows what they are doing! If they are experienced...then, yes, fine.
(2) Yes, the reception is usually at another location. Although many couples do have a reception at the church in the Fellowship Hall (if one is available.) However, most couples have a reception at a hotel or banquet facility.
(3) The average price of a wedding in the U.S. is $25,000.
You can still have a nice wedding for thousands less, though.
hi, first of all congrats on finding the perfect girl for you! marriage is a wonderful journey and i wish you a perfect one!
so, friends doing your flowers, if its done as a gift that's wonderful as you aren't spending a penny and you never complain about a gift, but if you are paying her to do them it can often lead to hard feelings and fractured friendships. if you hire a florist and they don't do what you want you can go and complain and argue and walk away. you can't really do that with a friend, oh sure you can complain and argue but you can't walk away.........so think about that very carefully. and that goes with a friend doing any work for you at any time. not just flowers for a wedding.
if your church has a hall and you can make use of it for your reception, why not? it is generally far less expensive than renting a hall or hotel ballroom.
as for the cost of a wedding, you should be able to have a nice wedding with approximately 100 guests for five thousand dollars. but it varies wildly depending on numbers, reception, etc.
good luck with it all and happy wedding!
$ is relative, it depends on what you want and how much of the work you are willing to put in. If the church has a nice area there is no reason you can't have the reception there, but be aware that you won't be able to ANY alcohol, but it will probably be cheaper that way. It also depends on if you want to serve meals or just do a snack thing... decide and then set the time of your wedding. If you chose an evening wedding you should serve dinner, if you just want them to snack and kick it for awhile an early afternoon wedding (1ish). The dress can and probably will be the largest single expense, shop around now, check out sales and even thrift/second hand stores... you might find a treasure. Set a budget and go from there. If you have any more questions you can email me.
Well I think the Church is a great idea, Also the reception should be something you both you and your loved one, love to do... just think a little and it will come to you... Ask her what she thinks... Thanks -Eric
First of all, congratulations! I am making my own bouquets and a friend is doing the arrangements with flowers from:
http://www.flowerexchange.com
It saves money and as long as your friend has talent and reliability there should be no problem.
As long as the ceremony and reception sites are fairly close (within a few miles of each) then having them separate is fine.
As for a budget, that depends on the wedding vision you two have, and what tastes apply.
My wedding budget is $5,000, so I have a few tricks up my sleeve =} Perhaps they'll help you with your questions and planning...
Here are a few of my money-saving tricks:
Wedding dress: I found a beautiful gown at http://www.groupusa.com/ for a little more than $300 (my splurge). They have beautiful gowns by wonderful designers from affordable to extravagent.
*Try places like GroupUSA, David's Bridal, and even eBay for knockout deals.
Bridal Jewelry: I found my crystal wedding jewelry at no other than Wal Mart. Originally I had been looking at genuine jewelry from big name stores, but decided to scrimp here to save money for the wedding gifts my fiance' and I plan to get each other.
*Don't forget retail sortes like Wal Mart and Target. My headpiece, earrings, and necklace by Crystal Collections came to $21.
Wedding location: I have four choices, a lovely place on the property of a family friend (I really want it to be there, if they agree to it), an that has 450 acres and a lovely ceremony maze and full wedding package, a church that has a SMALL fee and goes well with my wedding style, or on the mountain where my grandparents' grew up, married, and live.
*Look for unconventional venues; they'll be cheaper or even free.
Reception Site: I have two options here, one of which is the brand new mansion-style library in our town. It would cost only $199 ($100 refundable damage deposit, and $40 for a library worker to stay on site). The other would be our local arts building of the town center. They have several large and beautiful rooms and are roughly the same amount as the library.
*The same rule for venues applies here.
Caterer: My friends and family are fabulous cooks, and are going to provide a buffet-style meal for the wedding guests.
*Friends and family can really cut down on wedding expenses!
Cake: A friend of my fiance' and I is a cake baker, and would only charge us the price of the ingredients.
*If you don't have anyone who can provide this. Go for a two or three tier cake, and then have sheet cakes to cut for the bulk of the guests. That way you end up saving several hundred dollars. You can also have a two-tier cake, serving that only to wedding party, parents, and grandparents and serve guests with a cupcake tower.
Flowers: I am making my own bouquets. Flowers for a 30-stem wedding bouquet, toss bouqet, and six 20-stem bridesmaid bouquets would only run $40 before shipping costs from http://www.theflowerexchange.com. I am having a family friend do the arrangements for a fraction of the cost.
*Do as much as you can on your own!
Invitations: You can purchase nice paper, envelopes, and an emblam, and an ink cartridge and make your own for about $50. OR you could go to http:///www.invitationsbydawn.com
I'm getting 100 invitations for $64.95 (by the time the envelopes, etc are included it will be $107)
*Instead of $250-$350! Do what you can on your own, or look for budget-conscience resources like the one above.
DJ: My fiance's brother is a DJ, and will save us $975 by doing the reception as a wedding gift.
*If you don't have someone like this, consider cutting the cost by having premade CDs of the music you want, and have someone man the player.
Another tip, don't go for costly favors for the guests--most just throw them away--instead get glass vases and fill them with candy in your wedding colors, making an affordable (and memorable) candy buffet. Be sure to provide little bags. Have your bridesmaids' pay for their dress and shoes, and have a family friend who's good with hair or makeup help with that on the wedding day. Be sure to get them nice gifts!
If your attendants are on a budget, go to a place like http://ww.groupusa.com for dress ideas. My attendants dresses cost $119 each, and they're something they can wear again and again.
GO TO http://www.theknot.com It has everything you could ever need. Also get these books: Wedding Planning for Dummies, The Knot's Guide to Wedding Planning, and Priceless Weddings for Under $5,000. Your local library should have at least one of them.
Good luck!
Make money asking and answering questions like this at MyLot: http://www.mylot.com/?ref=khakigirl
If your friend is a florist and will give you a good deal on flower arrangements then definitely get a quote from her on how much it will cost as well as a couple of others. If you are looking to save money, then having your reception at the church would be a good way to do this. However, most churches do not allow alcohol at all. If you are having a reception at the church with just punch and cake then it might be around $2500 for everything depending on what your church costs. Mine is $1000 just for the ceremony. If you are going to have your reception somewhere other than the church with food and alcohol, I think you are looking at a minimum of $50 per person (heavy hors d-eouvres, beer, and wine). If you go with the seated dinner it will be even higher depending on whether or not you hire an outside caterer for the reception. Outside caterers seem to be cheaper than when the reception site caters. However, both will probably have a food purchase minimum. I hope this helps!
1. Unless your friend is a florist or has a significant amount of experience doing wedding arrangements, do not have them do the arrangement. Having friends participate in your wedding this way can put you into a difficult position. If you don't like it, it can be hard to tell them and most people have specific ideas. Therefore it is hard to convince them that their way is not best for you.
2. It is nice to have your reception somewhere else if you are having your wedding at a church. Most churches do not provide elegant facilities for a reception. But it is dependent on your church.
3. The price of your wedding it dependent mostly on the number of people you have. Smaller weddings, in general will cheaper. And it also depends on when and where you want your wedding. Week nights and Friday nights are generally cheaper than Saturdays. And open bars drive up the price. It also depends on what city your in. If you visit websites like theknot.com, it can give you information about venues and help you with a budget.
stay faithful and always put your family first.
Finanical Advice for a [Single w/ no children, property, not married] claiming 1 on taxes?
I would like to minimize the taxes the government takes out of my checks. Any book on this matter?Finanical Advice for a [Single w/ no children, property, not married] claiming 1 on taxes?
The single largest deduction one can have, that would kick you over the standard deduction, would be a house. Once you take into account mortgage interest and property taxes, it is more likely than not you will pay less income taxes since the sum of both mortgage interest and property taxes will be larger than the standard deduction.
Outside of that, with no kids, no house, single, you're pretty much stuck owing the amount of taxes you do. The only way you have of minimizing your taxes is to maximize your 401(k) contributions. Since the contributions are made pre-tax, the money you earn and put into your 401(k) is tax deferred (not taxed now, but taxed when you take the money out). If your employer does not offer a 401(k) plan, then contribute to a traditional IRA. You can contribute up to $4,000 a year, which is then deducted from your gross taxable income.
Or you can earn less money......the less money you earn, the less taxes you pay.Finanical Advice for a [Single w/ no children, property, not married] claiming 1 on taxes?
If you claim one, you might owe a little bit in taxes every year.
Why not claim zero and get a slightly larger refund.
Not really sure of anyway to minimize taxes.
The taxes are a set rate based on the amount of money you make and the dependants you have.
The deductions are what changes the amount you owe or get back
As a tax professional, I have been asked that question. The best answer I can give you is to start a small business in your home. It does not matter if you make any money the first year or two, you can get great tax benefits using a schedule Cfashion makeup your cosmetics
The single largest deduction one can have, that would kick you over the standard deduction, would be a house. Once you take into account mortgage interest and property taxes, it is more likely than not you will pay less income taxes since the sum of both mortgage interest and property taxes will be larger than the standard deduction.
Outside of that, with no kids, no house, single, you're pretty much stuck owing the amount of taxes you do. The only way you have of minimizing your taxes is to maximize your 401(k) contributions. Since the contributions are made pre-tax, the money you earn and put into your 401(k) is tax deferred (not taxed now, but taxed when you take the money out). If your employer does not offer a 401(k) plan, then contribute to a traditional IRA. You can contribute up to $4,000 a year, which is then deducted from your gross taxable income.
Or you can earn less money......the less money you earn, the less taxes you pay.Finanical Advice for a [Single w/ no children, property, not married] claiming 1 on taxes?
If you claim one, you might owe a little bit in taxes every year.
Why not claim zero and get a slightly larger refund.
Not really sure of anyway to minimize taxes.
The taxes are a set rate based on the amount of money you make and the dependants you have.
The deductions are what changes the amount you owe or get back
As a tax professional, I have been asked that question. The best answer I can give you is to start a small business in your home. It does not matter if you make any money the first year or two, you can get great tax benefits using a schedule C
Pls advice, i married last year! honestly i dont really love my wife,?
We blessed 1 baby girl, i live and work abroad and i discovered that the real attitude of my wife is too bad, she asking always about monry specially with my big remittances if i cannot sent a big amount she cursed me to death, b'coz of that i never miss my wife! shall i file divorced ??Pls advice, i married last year! honestly i dont really love my wife,?
whats in your own heart, no one can really advise you here, its how you feelPls advice, i married last year! honestly i dont really love my wife,?
My husband was in this situation with his first wife, it took him 4 years to finally give in and divorce her. He tried to make it work but she didn't want to work on the marriage. My husband was also abroad alot since he is military and she wouldn't move to his station with him. He fought for the marriage but couldn't win. Just take note, you can divorce her but never rid of her since you have a child. In your situation of being abroad as you are, how often do you see your child and how much of impact is it going to be. Things to take into consideration. I mean if you don't see her alot now, she probably won't notice her mom and dad aren't married until she is older.
Your wife doesn't seems to respect you at all. You work so far away from home, and she is taking care the child by herself. There is a lot of responsible and she might feel like she doing both the mom and the dad job by herself. She probably feel very frustrated and lonely. You have to think a little harder, since you have a baby. Beside, how can you find to love her ,when most of the time you work away from family. (which you sure did at the beginning, that's why you married her.) I am sure if you spend more time at home, and help her with the baby, give her a little credit for being there for the baby when you not. More affection from a husband is really help her attitude change toward you.
You should think about your baby girl too...If she is old enough to recognize you it's going to be a burden on your wife so think of it as 3 sides what would happen to you to your wife AND your daughter.The decision is up to you and no one else.Think about it SLEEP on it and decide.
it has been one year for goodness sake !
why is the attitude of your wife bad? maybe because you work away and live abroad. its so early in your marriage and then you start to work away .. i wouldn't blame her
Well, I think u should! :-) find another better than her..There is no wife who curses her husband to die...
But...before u make this big desicion, talk to her first what u feel, give her one more chance, and see if there is any change....
yeah you should file for divorce. i mean if you already don't love her you probably won't be happy sticking it out til death do you part.
Yes Bong, I would get a divorce, it sounds like you are miserable and life is too short to spend it unhappy.
omg your a jerk...LEARN TO LOVE HER or you will be sent to the depths of hell
no
yes
why did you marry her?
whats in your own heart, no one can really advise you here, its how you feelPls advice, i married last year! honestly i dont really love my wife,?
My husband was in this situation with his first wife, it took him 4 years to finally give in and divorce her. He tried to make it work but she didn't want to work on the marriage. My husband was also abroad alot since he is military and she wouldn't move to his station with him. He fought for the marriage but couldn't win. Just take note, you can divorce her but never rid of her since you have a child. In your situation of being abroad as you are, how often do you see your child and how much of impact is it going to be. Things to take into consideration. I mean if you don't see her alot now, she probably won't notice her mom and dad aren't married until she is older.
Your wife doesn't seems to respect you at all. You work so far away from home, and she is taking care the child by herself. There is a lot of responsible and she might feel like she doing both the mom and the dad job by herself. She probably feel very frustrated and lonely. You have to think a little harder, since you have a baby. Beside, how can you find to love her ,when most of the time you work away from family. (which you sure did at the beginning, that's why you married her.) I am sure if you spend more time at home, and help her with the baby, give her a little credit for being there for the baby when you not. More affection from a husband is really help her attitude change toward you.
You should think about your baby girl too...If she is old enough to recognize you it's going to be a burden on your wife so think of it as 3 sides what would happen to you to your wife AND your daughter.The decision is up to you and no one else.Think about it SLEEP on it and decide.
it has been one year for goodness sake !
why is the attitude of your wife bad? maybe because you work away and live abroad. its so early in your marriage and then you start to work away .. i wouldn't blame her
Well, I think u should! :-) find another better than her..There is no wife who curses her husband to die...
But...before u make this big desicion, talk to her first what u feel, give her one more chance, and see if there is any change....
yeah you should file for divorce. i mean if you already don't love her you probably won't be happy sticking it out til death do you part.
Yes Bong, I would get a divorce, it sounds like you are miserable and life is too short to spend it unhappy.
omg your a jerk...LEARN TO LOVE HER or you will be sent to the depths of hell
no
yes
why did you marry her?
My girlfriend of 8 years thinks i dont love her because were not married! need advice lgbt?
okay so my girl and i have been together for 8 years next year february the 2nd actually. we live in maryland and we cant get marrried here of course its not legal ;( yet but i hope it will be in the near future. when i tell you i want to marry her so much i really so if it were legal here we would haul **** to go get married. yesterday she broke down, and didnt wanna talk to me and accused me of not loving her and not wanting to marry her after one of her friends told her on facebook that she and her gf had a ceremony after dating only two years. i really looked like an idiot considering weve been together 6 yrs more than her friend and her girlfriend! what do i do? we arent able to move to one of the states where its legal and get married i mean were in a recession and finances are tight right now. what do you guys think we should do? i mean come on i feel we dont need to be married to be validated god ive been with her 8 years come on iam not going anywhere! advice please thanks!My girlfriend of 8 years thinks i dont love her because were not married! need advice lgbt?
well u can have a ceremony and have an unofficial wedding until it becomes legal! :)
Tell her that u don't have to be married in order to love her and be in love. Its not the wedding certificate that proves that u love her, its your actions and your words! :)My girlfriend of 8 years thinks i dont love her because were not married! need advice lgbt?
Take her to Canada, Iowa Maine etc. and make an honest woman of her. If you get married in Canada all you have to do is bring in the certificate , change the name on your social security card and driver's license and you're all set. That's what my wife and I did almost five years ago
You could plan a ceremony to recognize the commitment you two have. Get her a ring if she likes that stuff, make it a day about her. When the time comes you can make it ';official'; on that piece of paper.
get married at a gay church, like the MCC. the state won't recognize it but YOU both will. or go to a state that has ss marriage- but even then your union won't be recognized in your own state. do whatever you can to get ss marriage in ALL states! luv to you both!~
-Save up money to go to another state to get married
- Write a letter to someone important who can change the law
- Make a foundation thing for you guys
Just sit her down and tell her not every couple moves as fast as some. Tell her you do love her and if it were legal or financially possible at this time you would marry her right away. If this is something you want or have not already done, get her a ring. Tell her you want to be married to her and here is a ring that symbolizes your love for her and one day it will happen for the two of you, but to please never doubt your love for her.
I personally don't believe marriage should be used to prove love. There are plenty more important things than that insignificant tradition.
It is special to have families together and announce to the world your love, but it shouldn't change any of the feelings you have for each other.
I think Id be happy to get married at some point, but my boyfriend doesn't seem to keen on the idea, he says he would if it meant a tax break, but other than that he see's no point.
It just depends on the person, just tell her you marrying her would not affect your feelings for her because what you feel for her now is more than you ever have for anything in the world.
Also explain to her the financial difficulties of it and the legal restraints. im sure she'll understand.
I'm from Romania and in my country you are not allowed to get married. But that doesn't mean i can do it!
I am planing to get a ring and take her to the sea where she loves it and ask her.
I wanna bring my best friends and tell her something beautiful, put the ring on her finger and she will do the same. This is a marriage for me. It doesn't matter if i do it in the face of God or nowhere.
She will be my wife no matter what. I don't need a paper that says that we are married. In my heart i already believe that.
Good luck my friend.
maybe this helps you ;) with an idea
FLY UP TO CANADA! just go on vacation, propose to her while you 2 are up there, and just get married at one of their gay marriage churchs, even though you are both Americans, you can go to Canada and get married and come back and America has to legally acknowledge another countries beliefs. in other words YOUR MARRIED!
the link posted below tells you everything you need to know, since your in Maryland it shouldn't cost you to much to go to Canada to set up the marriage, then surprise her when you proposer to her on vacation. and since your already there, your on your honeymoon 2!
though how you go about getting her birth certificate, with out her knowing i have no idea inless she keeps it where you live.
unfortunately as painful as it sounds, alot of people involved in the goverment, along with my professor think that gay marriage wont be legal in their lifetimes, its just as bad as abortion to some people, so is holding your breath for that really worth it? for all we know im 20 now and it wont be legal 60 years from now!, but if you go to Canada they have to acknowledge you! thats right here and now! why celiberties dont do it i have no idea, they have the money for it!
to Uav guy,some people need reassurance that you are fully committed to them for the rest of their lives, and the sign of that is marriage! but 8 whole years with out marriage is a long time, she might be afraid that your leading her on, even just a ceremony would be better then nothing
Geez, what drama. Everyone's relationship proceeds at its own pace. I'm like you, I'm going to wait until it's legal to marry my partner of 10 years. We may go to DC if it's legal there next year and do it. She should not be comparing your relationship to someone else's and coming back to you with that sort of crap. That's a bit immature and over-dramatic. Her friends' ceremony, from what you say, is not a legal marriage. That worked for them, but it sounds like you want a legal (at least somewhere) marriage. Tell her you'll marry her as soon as you can REALLY marry her. That means being able to afford the trip, the ceremony, and any celebration you might want to have. If they legalize it in DC next year (which it looks like they will do) it will make it a lot simpler for you (and me).
well u can have a ceremony and have an unofficial wedding until it becomes legal! :)
Tell her that u don't have to be married in order to love her and be in love. Its not the wedding certificate that proves that u love her, its your actions and your words! :)My girlfriend of 8 years thinks i dont love her because were not married! need advice lgbt?
Take her to Canada, Iowa Maine etc. and make an honest woman of her. If you get married in Canada all you have to do is bring in the certificate , change the name on your social security card and driver's license and you're all set. That's what my wife and I did almost five years ago
You could plan a ceremony to recognize the commitment you two have. Get her a ring if she likes that stuff, make it a day about her. When the time comes you can make it ';official'; on that piece of paper.
get married at a gay church, like the MCC. the state won't recognize it but YOU both will. or go to a state that has ss marriage- but even then your union won't be recognized in your own state. do whatever you can to get ss marriage in ALL states! luv to you both!~
-Save up money to go to another state to get married
- Write a letter to someone important who can change the law
- Make a foundation thing for you guys
Just sit her down and tell her not every couple moves as fast as some. Tell her you do love her and if it were legal or financially possible at this time you would marry her right away. If this is something you want or have not already done, get her a ring. Tell her you want to be married to her and here is a ring that symbolizes your love for her and one day it will happen for the two of you, but to please never doubt your love for her.
I personally don't believe marriage should be used to prove love. There are plenty more important things than that insignificant tradition.
It is special to have families together and announce to the world your love, but it shouldn't change any of the feelings you have for each other.
I think Id be happy to get married at some point, but my boyfriend doesn't seem to keen on the idea, he says he would if it meant a tax break, but other than that he see's no point.
It just depends on the person, just tell her you marrying her would not affect your feelings for her because what you feel for her now is more than you ever have for anything in the world.
Also explain to her the financial difficulties of it and the legal restraints. im sure she'll understand.
I'm from Romania and in my country you are not allowed to get married. But that doesn't mean i can do it!
I am planing to get a ring and take her to the sea where she loves it and ask her.
I wanna bring my best friends and tell her something beautiful, put the ring on her finger and she will do the same. This is a marriage for me. It doesn't matter if i do it in the face of God or nowhere.
She will be my wife no matter what. I don't need a paper that says that we are married. In my heart i already believe that.
Good luck my friend.
maybe this helps you ;) with an idea
FLY UP TO CANADA! just go on vacation, propose to her while you 2 are up there, and just get married at one of their gay marriage churchs, even though you are both Americans, you can go to Canada and get married and come back and America has to legally acknowledge another countries beliefs. in other words YOUR MARRIED!
the link posted below tells you everything you need to know, since your in Maryland it shouldn't cost you to much to go to Canada to set up the marriage, then surprise her when you proposer to her on vacation. and since your already there, your on your honeymoon 2!
though how you go about getting her birth certificate, with out her knowing i have no idea inless she keeps it where you live.
unfortunately as painful as it sounds, alot of people involved in the goverment, along with my professor think that gay marriage wont be legal in their lifetimes, its just as bad as abortion to some people, so is holding your breath for that really worth it? for all we know im 20 now and it wont be legal 60 years from now!, but if you go to Canada they have to acknowledge you! thats right here and now! why celiberties dont do it i have no idea, they have the money for it!
to Uav guy,some people need reassurance that you are fully committed to them for the rest of their lives, and the sign of that is marriage! but 8 whole years with out marriage is a long time, she might be afraid that your leading her on, even just a ceremony would be better then nothing
Geez, what drama. Everyone's relationship proceeds at its own pace. I'm like you, I'm going to wait until it's legal to marry my partner of 10 years. We may go to DC if it's legal there next year and do it. She should not be comparing your relationship to someone else's and coming back to you with that sort of crap. That's a bit immature and over-dramatic. Her friends' ceremony, from what you say, is not a legal marriage. That worked for them, but it sounds like you want a legal (at least somewhere) marriage. Tell her you'll marry her as soon as you can REALLY marry her. That means being able to afford the trip, the ceremony, and any celebration you might want to have. If they legalize it in DC next year (which it looks like they will do) it will make it a lot simpler for you (and me).
I fell inlove with this girl after 3 months found out she was married, - Please advice?
I fell in lovee with this girl after dating her for 3 months I wound out that she was married and has a child that she adopted - I asked her why she lied to me? Her answer was she didnt know if I would have understood the situation. Please give me advise? I really like this girl but my family and friends hate her now for the lies....I fell inlove with this girl after 3 months found out she was married, - Please advice?
RUN!! dude RUN as fast as you can get out of thereI fell inlove with this girl after 3 months found out she was married, - Please advice?
look 1st of all sorry that you had to go through something like this...it is tough, however evidently she maybe had something goin on in her marriage, maybe she does care for you, i mean u guys were dating 3 months, but also keep in mind that it doesn;t matter honestly if you get 1,000 different answers from people everywhere...it is your life not ur friends or family, or ne body elses....its up to u what to do and if you guys want to work through this.....i hope this helps and again im sorry.....but u need to figure this answer out on ur own only u know what u want in life...because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind....who ur with or who u love
I was in a similar situation as well once. All I can say is to go with your gut on this one. I couldn't bare the thought of being ';the other woman';....on top of that, there were kids involved, and come to find out, they just needed to work a little harder on their marriage.....
You two are a match made in heaven, one is a liar, the other is a retard. Guess which is which? If you don't have brains enough to figure out what to do with someone elses cheating wife, then you really are a phucking retard.
End the relationship with her. Now that you know she is married you don't need to be involved in any way shape or form.
Punt!! Punt!! Or when she is unhappy with you she will be cheating on you!!
this won't be the last lie....trust me. You need to let it go, things will only get worse.
Get out. This is the stuff which can get people killed. Your parents have your best interest at heart.
RUN!! dude RUN as fast as you can get out of thereI fell inlove with this girl after 3 months found out she was married, - Please advice?
look 1st of all sorry that you had to go through something like this...it is tough, however evidently she maybe had something goin on in her marriage, maybe she does care for you, i mean u guys were dating 3 months, but also keep in mind that it doesn;t matter honestly if you get 1,000 different answers from people everywhere...it is your life not ur friends or family, or ne body elses....its up to u what to do and if you guys want to work through this.....i hope this helps and again im sorry.....but u need to figure this answer out on ur own only u know what u want in life...because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind....who ur with or who u love
I was in a similar situation as well once. All I can say is to go with your gut on this one. I couldn't bare the thought of being ';the other woman';....on top of that, there were kids involved, and come to find out, they just needed to work a little harder on their marriage.....
You two are a match made in heaven, one is a liar, the other is a retard. Guess which is which? If you don't have brains enough to figure out what to do with someone elses cheating wife, then you really are a phucking retard.
End the relationship with her. Now that you know she is married you don't need to be involved in any way shape or form.
Punt!! Punt!! Or when she is unhappy with you she will be cheating on you!!
this won't be the last lie....trust me. You need to let it go, things will only get worse.
Get out. This is the stuff which can get people killed. Your parents have your best interest at heart.
Need advice from married ladies?
I am 38 and have been married for 8 years. I have a good life with my husband and we have a good sex life. He has asked me to consider getting my breasts pierced. I am confused by this simply because I feel that it is all about him and if I go ahead and do this, what will he come up with next? To wear your hair a certain way or to dress in a certain way to please your man is one thing... Wives, would you do this just for your husband?Need advice from married ladies?
OK I am not a married lady, or even a lady. I am a guy. You should check out this site...
http://www.silver-thailand.com/NIPPLE-JE鈥?/a>
What you do is up to you but there are lots of body jewelry items that you can wear that do not need piercing... they clip on or stay in place on their own. You do not need to make a total commitment to body modification.
Piercing is something you do for you, not for someone else. I think you will find that if you surprise your hubby with non piercing jewelry that he will be just as excited and you don't have to worry about pain, discomfort, infection, or being pimped out. Good Luck.Need advice from married ladies?
Ask him to do something for you.. to change something about his appearance.. grow a beard.. cut off his beard.. grow his hair long.. cut it short.. see if he does that just for you.. then you can consider the breast piercing.. it's a two way street.. he has to be willing to make concessions also.. if it's just you to have to do things to please him and if having your breasts pierced is really an unpleasant thought for you then tell him that you love him the way he is and if he really loves you he will accept you as you are and that you don't want to do this.. that you don't ask him to change.. that real love means to respect each other.. xxx Do only what you feel comfortable with and don't change for him.. remain true to yourself.. only if you find a suggestion might actually be of advantage.. like if he tells you that a certain colour looks good on you and you never thought that would suit you then I would accept his advice. because he may be right. but not with things that really make you into a different person...xx
don't if you don't want to.
however if this is for the bedroom - you can get nipple clamps
which don't involve piercing.
he may fancy a bit of s and m - but only if you want.
have a look at a catalogue together - choose things you both
want and say if either if you don'tlike it then it stops.
you have then tried.
nipple piercing no
if he carries on ask him to get his cock pierced first!
Uh, no. I know my husband has a few preferences about how I look, so I try to look nice sometimes for him (he likes my hair down, whereas I usually have it in a ponytail). But I'd never go so far as something I really wouldn't want to do, like surgery, piercings, tattoos, or anything so... physically traumatizing. And, my husband would never ask such a thing of me either.
I wouldn't do it. you don't have to change to please anyone. He feel in love with you the way you are. ask him to get a ';prince albert'; and then see where he goes with it.(haha). seriously the choice is yours if it was something you were thinking about to begin with then by all means. but if your having doubts about it then you have already answered your own question.Good Luck.
Nope, nope, nope.
Not in a million years.
Never, never, never.
But then.....I'd never marry a guy who would want something like that (and I know if he would or not because I'd get to know him well enough BEFORE marriage to know if he liked something like that). If this is a new issue, I'd smile and decline.....and then I'd ask him what HE would be willing to have pierced with a big needle for you....
: )
It is your body and you have every right to say no to something you are uncomfortable with and set emotional boundaries. Plus, breast piercing can cause an infection even if you have worn then for a while. A breast is a very sensitive area on your body. Tell him NO!!!!!!!
why not?
its no different to doing anything else to please him in the bedroom,
i can tell you though, its a long healing period, and is quite painful for quite a few months, but once its healed you will get as much pleasure, if not more than he will!
No and my husband wouldn't ask me to do something like that anyways.
Dont do something your not comfortable with.
No I wouldn't do it. The man isn't going to die if you don't have nipple rings. And I don't know what you dress like but they look hideous in a thin tank top. I see it over here at the beach all the time. Nasty.
I wouldn't do it, my husband wouldnt ask me to do something like that. Turn the tables, tell him you will get your breast pierced if he gets his penis pierced.
Nope would not do that.
In fact i would say; Honey no I am not gettign them pierced, but if you like pierced breasts I have no objection if you have yours done.
No. Fortunately my husband would not ask me to do something as ridiculous as that.
NO, how utterly ridiculous.
No, no, no no uhuh..forgetaboutit!!
breasts pierced ? thats ridiculious !
if it involves pain its not to be considered lightly !
Tell him you'll do it, if he gets his penis pierced. What an ***!
ask ur self do u want to get them peirced it is very painful would u do all that 4 ur husband just to have more fun in bed
think about it would u benifit
OK I am not a married lady, or even a lady. I am a guy. You should check out this site...
http://www.silver-thailand.com/NIPPLE-JE鈥?/a>
What you do is up to you but there are lots of body jewelry items that you can wear that do not need piercing... they clip on or stay in place on their own. You do not need to make a total commitment to body modification.
Piercing is something you do for you, not for someone else. I think you will find that if you surprise your hubby with non piercing jewelry that he will be just as excited and you don't have to worry about pain, discomfort, infection, or being pimped out. Good Luck.Need advice from married ladies?
Ask him to do something for you.. to change something about his appearance.. grow a beard.. cut off his beard.. grow his hair long.. cut it short.. see if he does that just for you.. then you can consider the breast piercing.. it's a two way street.. he has to be willing to make concessions also.. if it's just you to have to do things to please him and if having your breasts pierced is really an unpleasant thought for you then tell him that you love him the way he is and if he really loves you he will accept you as you are and that you don't want to do this.. that you don't ask him to change.. that real love means to respect each other.. xxx Do only what you feel comfortable with and don't change for him.. remain true to yourself.. only if you find a suggestion might actually be of advantage.. like if he tells you that a certain colour looks good on you and you never thought that would suit you then I would accept his advice. because he may be right. but not with things that really make you into a different person...xx
don't if you don't want to.
however if this is for the bedroom - you can get nipple clamps
which don't involve piercing.
he may fancy a bit of s and m - but only if you want.
have a look at a catalogue together - choose things you both
want and say if either if you don'tlike it then it stops.
you have then tried.
nipple piercing no
if he carries on ask him to get his cock pierced first!
Uh, no. I know my husband has a few preferences about how I look, so I try to look nice sometimes for him (he likes my hair down, whereas I usually have it in a ponytail). But I'd never go so far as something I really wouldn't want to do, like surgery, piercings, tattoos, or anything so... physically traumatizing. And, my husband would never ask such a thing of me either.
I wouldn't do it. you don't have to change to please anyone. He feel in love with you the way you are. ask him to get a ';prince albert'; and then see where he goes with it.(haha). seriously the choice is yours if it was something you were thinking about to begin with then by all means. but if your having doubts about it then you have already answered your own question.Good Luck.
Nope, nope, nope.
Not in a million years.
Never, never, never.
But then.....I'd never marry a guy who would want something like that (and I know if he would or not because I'd get to know him well enough BEFORE marriage to know if he liked something like that). If this is a new issue, I'd smile and decline.....and then I'd ask him what HE would be willing to have pierced with a big needle for you....
: )
It is your body and you have every right to say no to something you are uncomfortable with and set emotional boundaries. Plus, breast piercing can cause an infection even if you have worn then for a while. A breast is a very sensitive area on your body. Tell him NO!!!!!!!
why not?
its no different to doing anything else to please him in the bedroom,
i can tell you though, its a long healing period, and is quite painful for quite a few months, but once its healed you will get as much pleasure, if not more than he will!
No and my husband wouldn't ask me to do something like that anyways.
Dont do something your not comfortable with.
No I wouldn't do it. The man isn't going to die if you don't have nipple rings. And I don't know what you dress like but they look hideous in a thin tank top. I see it over here at the beach all the time. Nasty.
I wouldn't do it, my husband wouldnt ask me to do something like that. Turn the tables, tell him you will get your breast pierced if he gets his penis pierced.
Nope would not do that.
In fact i would say; Honey no I am not gettign them pierced, but if you like pierced breasts I have no objection if you have yours done.
No. Fortunately my husband would not ask me to do something as ridiculous as that.
NO, how utterly ridiculous.
No, no, no no uhuh..forgetaboutit!!
breasts pierced ? thats ridiculious !
if it involves pain its not to be considered lightly !
Tell him you'll do it, if he gets his penis pierced. What an ***!
ask ur self do u want to get them peirced it is very painful would u do all that 4 ur husband just to have more fun in bed
think about it would u benifit
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