Married women advice please?

I know this will sound OCDish but I don't want to do anything to cause misunderstandings and accusations.





When talking to your friend that's married how often can you mention her husband? I know that's a weird question but I need to know.





For example I told my married friend that it is nerve wracking to be at bible study with all those men and their wives and I am shaken up by the end of the night. I tell her who I'm most comfortable with I give her 5 guys including her husband. Then the next day through email I ask her if I can bring some brownies for everyone so I don't have to ask her husband to make some because he kindly made tea when I wanted some.





Don't get me wrong I'm not attracted to married men and I KNOW they don't want me. I just don't want to be misunderstood again or taken the wrong way.





Want to know what happened that caused this?


5 years ago I decided to not talk to married or taken men at all(unless it's for business) because of a bad experience where I was accused of breaking up a relationship. He was flirting with me and taking me out on all his dates(I didn't drive and I didn't even reach puberty back then I was 19 at the time) and HE told me that he cheated on her with someone else. Good person I am I told her and she blamed it on me as so all of her friends.


And don't you dare blame this on me because I was stupid back then and I didn't know that you don't go on other people's dates! back off! I was physically and mentally a child back then! I didn't reach puberty until 23 because of a rare disease. Yes I no now that I don't go on other people's dates and if any taken guy shows any interest in me I completely ignore him as if he's dead.





My married friend is helping me get over this fear and I limit contact with married men to Church on Sundays and bible study when everyone's around. I make darn sure people are around before I say one word.





I'm not worried about men flirting with me I'm worried about being misunderstood again!





And I don't just talk about my worries and crap. I talk about other things we(me and the female) have in common.





Again I'm not obsessed about the guys I'm obsessed about what people might think of me and if they would take me the wrong way etc.Married women advice please?
You express some tough situations of which there is no clear path of answers often...Many married women are scared of single gals (i.e., single, divorced, widowed - as I am the latter...) because they are frankly? -Not real secure in their love and being loved by their husbands and or, let themselves go and seem not to care, unless someone is interested in their mate. It's really a tough road, I'm finding, to walk...I, like you, could care less about married men and simply have no interest and would challenge their integrity were they to make a pass at me (and it's happened...usually my remark stops them cold...)





On the other hand? It's wonderful to make new women friends, married women who value you for YOU...and DON'T feel threatened and aren't scared...Those are the BEST women to befriend, let me tell you!





I believe discretionary manners are in order for you and it does sound like you've been most careful and I would CONTINUE on that path...we are not responsible for other people's feelings, are we? -Only our own. If ever again you feel unjustly accused, you need to address it IMMEDIATELY with the person doing the telling - THAT IS FOR CERTAIN. That is all ANY of us can do when it comes to others...remember that married people amongst their groups often have a partner who is attracted to another partner in the group and that to is a dilemma for women and men to deal with.





I think you've got your head screwed on pretty straight, just continue on dear...you'll be fine.





Sincerely,





GraceMarried women advice please?
To some degree you still have some growing up to do.....let go of the past and forgive yourself for your mistakes. You know what is proper behavior, you know what your intentions are, you know you aren't flirting or leading married men on, so just be yourself. If you are still a member of the group of friends who all blamed you for what happened in the past, then they are a bunch of mean people to still hold that over your head and I can't figure out why you would continue to care about their opinions.
It sounds like you understand now. Just be friends with the wife if you want and she will know that you are not interested and shouldn't feel threatened. Just be careful that when you are talking to a wife about her husband you mention him in a ';I am not interested way';. If you are truly not interested then you won't have a problem but it you are at least a little interested then she will know and you will have a problem.
That's fine i understand how you feel i am a married man and i talk to single women allot as well. Yes there will be accusations from some women about how you can be being flirtatious with out you being that way, its just there jealousy. My wife use to be that way with single women that i would talk to and i still do i like to talk to single women and men and just help them threw issues in there life. Also just because people can think something about you just pretty much say who cares and people who think that way are just wrong. You are building a wall around your self because your afraid stop being afraid i know its hard to do and easy to say, but i was the same way for a while i didn't want to talk to single women because fo what could be though about it until i found that i am missing out on allot of friends i can have. If you want to talk to me to help you get over your feeling like you can't trust the situation of talking to a married man and that it would make you look like something your not feel free to contact me and i will assist you in any way.


Irish_lad_921@yahoo.com