I wouldn't.Why do people ask their single friends for relationship advice instead of their married friends?
must b the people u r hanging out w/bc i never do....Why do people ask their single friends for relationship advice instead of their married friends?
b/c single people can see a relationship from both sides b/c there clear headed they see more of what goes on in your relationship b/c there not so focused on there on
Maybe their single friends have been there? They probably trust the advice of the friend they ask more so to them it doesn't matter if they are single or married.
Just because someone is single doesn't mean they can not have valuable information OR that they weren't previously in a relationship. Common sense and good advice is available in all type of folk.
Because their single friends seem free, and somtimes happer. Marriage is one of a kind. They may just want to talk to someone who is in the same stage they are or really close too.
Well some times there married friends are not any better off than themselves, and just because a person is single that does not mean they can not give good relationship advice. I was single for a long time up until 3 years ago, but I give good relationship advice, I just can't take my own.
Just because a friend is single that doesn't mean they don't give good advice. Wisdom, perception, and honesty don鈥檛 come only if you sign a marriage license.
Outsiders advice. You get a different perspective than from someone who's in a situation simmilar. Often their single friends aren't as close to both people either, so it's easier to confide in them.
Also, they may think their married friends have enough on their plate without having to listen to their issues, too. Or perhaps they're having marital problems that cause the persons own issues to pale in comparison, so they feel silly bringing them up when they're obviously not as bad.
All relationship advice is bad, irregardless of the source.
Probably depends on advice or maybe looking at situation from a single person view. Fresh input from someone with no ties.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Married women, advice please!?
Please can u help. I married young in a church at 22, husband was a farmer and was made bankrupt. It is a long story but for some reason I feel different towards him in that he annoys me and I do not want to hurt him by saying this to him. I have tried to talk to him about it but he always looks at my texts, e-mails and is feeling sorry for himself. The fact that I lost my mum in December has made things worse and I feel as though we are not going anywhere. Any way I can explain without hurting him!Am on anti depressents and feel as though I have just had enough of everything!Married women, advice please!?
You can't control his emotions, but you can control your own. If you are unhappy in your marriage and you've done everything you could to make it work, there's no shame in ending it.Married women, advice please!?
I'm sorry your finding your marriage hard work, losing your mum though is an awful blow and will take time to come to terms with, your husband should support you and help you though this difficult phase.
Going though your phone and e-mail suggest he's insecure and not sure about your feelings towards him, as i'm sure he's picked up on what your feeling.
Sit down and really think about what you want from your husband and then ask him to do the same, if there's a lot of differences you may have to think about some mediation, it can really help with communication between the two of you.
As for feeling depressed, i've been there for various reasons and it's hard to cope with the way you feel some days are better than others. what helped me was going to the gym taking it out on a few weights and by the end my problems were stil there but i felt better able to cope.
i hope this helps
take care and i wish you well
if your not happy naturally then you know theres something wrong.do something about it no matter how painfull it is at the time.you have to go through the crap to get on the sunshine road.
Be honest - the fact that you don't want to hurt him shows you still care. Ask him to sit down and talk openly and frankly. Tell him the good points as well as the bad to balance things out, but give him the opportunity to do the same.
We all have our ups and downs, I agree with the woman that said- you still care about him, you don't want to hurt him-maybe the love isn't gone. You are still faithful? Still care about him? Maybe you can just take a brake away for a while, spend some time away, when you come back you may feel different. When enough time goes by that you just know that you don't love him anymore then I think you'd need to take further action.
I married young, at 18, and I don't know why I did it, but I just sort of drifted into it, and realised after it was a big mistake, EVERYTHING he did annoyed me, they way he ate, spoke, walked , everything, I was only happy when he wasn't around. Luckily for me, he found someone else and left, and I was saved the decision. But just sit an think, do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? If you do something today, this time next year, all the drama and tears will be over, and you will have a new life to look forward to. If you do nothing, you will look back in a years time and be sad. You can't do it without hurting him if he still cares for you. You can do it as kindly as possible, but you can't sacrifice your own life for his. He is not a secure person if he looks at our texts and emails, and that is sad, but not your fault. Don't let his self pity control you.
Clearly you have to tan this chap's @rse.
if you are THAT unhappy then leave if the love is gone theres nothing you can do to change the way you feel
i think that he is feeling perhaps that he cant provide for you like a man should, maybe lost his confidence as a man when he went bankrupt. It is normal to feel annoyed everytime you look at him, but i have been there and its just a phase in your life as a married couple. you have to make sure that you talk about your feelings but be careful sounding like you are putting him down, remember, he already feels like that after the bankrupcy and he may need your support instead of your critisism.
you losing your mother must be the a terrible thing to go through and maybe you should explain to him that you need his support and you should also give him yours.
I have been married 6 years and i have had my ups and downs but if you share your feelings with each other things will get better, communication is a must in a marriage HONEST!
he may be looking at your texts and emails because he feels insecure, maybe he thinks that you may leave him for someone else, as he may be feeling sorry for himself, he must be feeling useless as a man because of the bankrupcy. talk to him about it, but dont criticise, because he is already down.
now, taking tablets blocks your emotions and doesnt let you show your feelings and talk about them. consult your doctor, perhaps he may suggest another way to deal with your deppression, perhaps having counselling may help deal with your bereavement and with your marriage problems.
good luck
bianca
First off, {hugs}...you could probably use one.
Secondly, honey, you married the man. You made a vow to him. I'm glad you didn't say, ';I'm about to divorce him,'; and I hope you're not thinking along those lines. There are ways to work through this. You really need to sit down and talk with your husband face to face. He needs to hear, straight from you, the way that you are feeling. Even something as simple as, ';Honey, I really don't want this to sound like I don't like you at all, but...there are times when you get on my nerves.'; Sometimes we women get annoyed, aggravated, hurt, upset, or just ticked off, for no apparent reason! My husband spent yesterday afternoon trying to figure out what on earth set me off, and I couldn't even tell him myself! Sometimes we don't even know! Your husband needs to know that sometimes something he says or does pokes at your last nerve. Don't make him feel like he's walking on egg shells around you, but let him know that your feelings are fragile (not just in the cry-baby sense). After this first conversation about it, keep up the communication! Always let him know how you're feeling (gently) so that he will know when to leave you alone, when to help you, when to be affectionate, what you need when you need it. But remember, when he is sensetive towards your needs, this isn't an opportunity to be spoiled. Be sensetive to his as well. Good luck:)
Please see your doctor about adjusting your dosage, because you sound like you're still depressed. You consistently feel annoyed, hopeless, and fed up, all of which can be symptoms of depression. Furthermore, you recently experienced the loss of your mother, which can contribute to increased feelings of depression.
Studies consistently show that the best treatment for depression is a combination of medication and counseling. Therefore, please get into counseling also. I advise you not to make any decisions without the input of a counselor, because depression can affect judgment.
Talk to a counselor. Try to work out your feelings so you can make an informed decision on where you want your life to go.
Your husband too may also be depressed and feeling insecure with being made bankrupt. he may sense your feelings for him have changed hence him checking up on you. Your depression and bereavement may not be making you see clearly as you are under great stress.
Sounds like you may need some time out. Have you a friend you could stay with for a few days to try and sort yourself out? Do you want to save your marriage? Maybe counselling is what you need?
I am so sorry you are hurting. Don't be quick to turn away from your husband. It is very possible that the depression is clouding your thoughts. Instead, try to get some counseling and talk to your husband. Try to think of the positive things about him. It sounds like he still cares for you. You both have been through so much and you are very young. But, it doesn't sound like you are totally ';done'; with your husband. You care about his feelings? Why? Dwell on the good. Talk to your friends. Do something nice for yourself and one other person. (This usually helps me.) God Bless and Good Luck.
If you have worked on your marriage and feel there is no way to be happy, then don't be afraid to end it. But if you haven't tried all the roads to seeing if your marriage could work then do that first. You don't want to end a relationship on miscommunication.
If you haven't already try marriage counseling. It will help you both to share your feelings and emotions. And this way communication between you two will be positive.
Try talking things out and truly listening to each other. Because it sounds like you both have a lot going on. Talking and just listening to each other could help. Good luck sweetie.
You poor lamb - you are going through it! You know, you do have to talk to your husband no matter whether you hurt him or not. Its probable that not talking to him is hurting him more. You need to explain how you feel right now. Its because you feel so distant from him that these negative feelings are crowding round - where is your best friend - he is there and you both need each other at the moment. Even if he does feel sorry for himself, you can be a support to each other. Its you and him against the world - if, later on when things are calmer, you still have negative feelings about him, you will have to address your relationship. To turn your world upside down at this time is may be not the answer.
you are both in need of support and need a therapist to help you#
you especially should have been guidance that antidepressents are a bandaid the stuff is still going on inside and only a therapist can help you aleviate the guilt and anger that is stocked up in there
when you need support from your husband he is unable to give it asa career define a man and he has lost his so he is not only not a provider he feels a failure to you
he cant be the rock you expect as he doesnt have anything propping him up
seek a grief counsellor to talk about your loss and think of your own needs first
try and get off the antideprtessents in time and seek couples therapy to patch up your differences
otherwise you both will alienate yourselves and end up separated
Babs, dont feel like your alone in this world. I too lost my dad in december, the 25 th be exact. What a better day to remember him. The day we celebrate the Lord's birth. What a better day. Any whos, The vows we make before God are ones that are not to be taken lightly. We make the promises to love, no matter how hard the times get, no matter how bad the situations my be. What you need to do is to get God back into your heart. Ask Him to help you. He will give you the answers. Get in touch with others that are stong in faith and especially those that have endured the tests of time.
I have been married for over 31 years. There have been some bad times, but there have been many more good times. It is the scale of balance that we must look at. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to give me a hollar. I hope that my advice is good, solid and most of all important enough for you to concider. I pray for the best of this world for you and your family. Dont feel discouraged about the things of this world, Be concerned about the things that will matter in Heaven.
Sonny
There are some sensible answers here. But may I try a different angle?
Your husband has been through a rotten time; almost certainly worse than yours. The failure of his business - and farming is more than that, it's a life, a commitment - will have been almost like the failure of a marriage. Your mother's death will have hit him too; doubly, as he's sorry for you as well as missing her. He will feel inadequate, because responsible for the family's lower standard of living. He very likely thinks you despise him.
So, no surprise, he's retreating into himself in depression. He needs you. You married him (remember?) for better for worse, for richer for ;poorer, in sickness and in health.
If you give him the boot now, he will suspect that you never did love him; only his money and position. The feeling of betrayal will sour the memories even of the good times.
On the other hand if you see this through together, there might be many more good years ahead.
Think about it.skin treatment psoriasis treatment
You can't control his emotions, but you can control your own. If you are unhappy in your marriage and you've done everything you could to make it work, there's no shame in ending it.Married women, advice please!?
I'm sorry your finding your marriage hard work, losing your mum though is an awful blow and will take time to come to terms with, your husband should support you and help you though this difficult phase.
Going though your phone and e-mail suggest he's insecure and not sure about your feelings towards him, as i'm sure he's picked up on what your feeling.
Sit down and really think about what you want from your husband and then ask him to do the same, if there's a lot of differences you may have to think about some mediation, it can really help with communication between the two of you.
As for feeling depressed, i've been there for various reasons and it's hard to cope with the way you feel some days are better than others. what helped me was going to the gym taking it out on a few weights and by the end my problems were stil there but i felt better able to cope.
i hope this helps
take care and i wish you well
if your not happy naturally then you know theres something wrong.do something about it no matter how painfull it is at the time.you have to go through the crap to get on the sunshine road.
Be honest - the fact that you don't want to hurt him shows you still care. Ask him to sit down and talk openly and frankly. Tell him the good points as well as the bad to balance things out, but give him the opportunity to do the same.
We all have our ups and downs, I agree with the woman that said- you still care about him, you don't want to hurt him-maybe the love isn't gone. You are still faithful? Still care about him? Maybe you can just take a brake away for a while, spend some time away, when you come back you may feel different. When enough time goes by that you just know that you don't love him anymore then I think you'd need to take further action.
I married young, at 18, and I don't know why I did it, but I just sort of drifted into it, and realised after it was a big mistake, EVERYTHING he did annoyed me, they way he ate, spoke, walked , everything, I was only happy when he wasn't around. Luckily for me, he found someone else and left, and I was saved the decision. But just sit an think, do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? If you do something today, this time next year, all the drama and tears will be over, and you will have a new life to look forward to. If you do nothing, you will look back in a years time and be sad. You can't do it without hurting him if he still cares for you. You can do it as kindly as possible, but you can't sacrifice your own life for his. He is not a secure person if he looks at our texts and emails, and that is sad, but not your fault. Don't let his self pity control you.
Clearly you have to tan this chap's @rse.
if you are THAT unhappy then leave if the love is gone theres nothing you can do to change the way you feel
i think that he is feeling perhaps that he cant provide for you like a man should, maybe lost his confidence as a man when he went bankrupt. It is normal to feel annoyed everytime you look at him, but i have been there and its just a phase in your life as a married couple. you have to make sure that you talk about your feelings but be careful sounding like you are putting him down, remember, he already feels like that after the bankrupcy and he may need your support instead of your critisism.
you losing your mother must be the a terrible thing to go through and maybe you should explain to him that you need his support and you should also give him yours.
I have been married 6 years and i have had my ups and downs but if you share your feelings with each other things will get better, communication is a must in a marriage HONEST!
he may be looking at your texts and emails because he feels insecure, maybe he thinks that you may leave him for someone else, as he may be feeling sorry for himself, he must be feeling useless as a man because of the bankrupcy. talk to him about it, but dont criticise, because he is already down.
now, taking tablets blocks your emotions and doesnt let you show your feelings and talk about them. consult your doctor, perhaps he may suggest another way to deal with your deppression, perhaps having counselling may help deal with your bereavement and with your marriage problems.
good luck
bianca
First off, {hugs}...you could probably use one.
Secondly, honey, you married the man. You made a vow to him. I'm glad you didn't say, ';I'm about to divorce him,'; and I hope you're not thinking along those lines. There are ways to work through this. You really need to sit down and talk with your husband face to face. He needs to hear, straight from you, the way that you are feeling. Even something as simple as, ';Honey, I really don't want this to sound like I don't like you at all, but...there are times when you get on my nerves.'; Sometimes we women get annoyed, aggravated, hurt, upset, or just ticked off, for no apparent reason! My husband spent yesterday afternoon trying to figure out what on earth set me off, and I couldn't even tell him myself! Sometimes we don't even know! Your husband needs to know that sometimes something he says or does pokes at your last nerve. Don't make him feel like he's walking on egg shells around you, but let him know that your feelings are fragile (not just in the cry-baby sense). After this first conversation about it, keep up the communication! Always let him know how you're feeling (gently) so that he will know when to leave you alone, when to help you, when to be affectionate, what you need when you need it. But remember, when he is sensetive towards your needs, this isn't an opportunity to be spoiled. Be sensetive to his as well. Good luck:)
Please see your doctor about adjusting your dosage, because you sound like you're still depressed. You consistently feel annoyed, hopeless, and fed up, all of which can be symptoms of depression. Furthermore, you recently experienced the loss of your mother, which can contribute to increased feelings of depression.
Studies consistently show that the best treatment for depression is a combination of medication and counseling. Therefore, please get into counseling also. I advise you not to make any decisions without the input of a counselor, because depression can affect judgment.
Talk to a counselor. Try to work out your feelings so you can make an informed decision on where you want your life to go.
Your husband too may also be depressed and feeling insecure with being made bankrupt. he may sense your feelings for him have changed hence him checking up on you. Your depression and bereavement may not be making you see clearly as you are under great stress.
Sounds like you may need some time out. Have you a friend you could stay with for a few days to try and sort yourself out? Do you want to save your marriage? Maybe counselling is what you need?
I am so sorry you are hurting. Don't be quick to turn away from your husband. It is very possible that the depression is clouding your thoughts. Instead, try to get some counseling and talk to your husband. Try to think of the positive things about him. It sounds like he still cares for you. You both have been through so much and you are very young. But, it doesn't sound like you are totally ';done'; with your husband. You care about his feelings? Why? Dwell on the good. Talk to your friends. Do something nice for yourself and one other person. (This usually helps me.) God Bless and Good Luck.
If you have worked on your marriage and feel there is no way to be happy, then don't be afraid to end it. But if you haven't tried all the roads to seeing if your marriage could work then do that first. You don't want to end a relationship on miscommunication.
If you haven't already try marriage counseling. It will help you both to share your feelings and emotions. And this way communication between you two will be positive.
Try talking things out and truly listening to each other. Because it sounds like you both have a lot going on. Talking and just listening to each other could help. Good luck sweetie.
You poor lamb - you are going through it! You know, you do have to talk to your husband no matter whether you hurt him or not. Its probable that not talking to him is hurting him more. You need to explain how you feel right now. Its because you feel so distant from him that these negative feelings are crowding round - where is your best friend - he is there and you both need each other at the moment. Even if he does feel sorry for himself, you can be a support to each other. Its you and him against the world - if, later on when things are calmer, you still have negative feelings about him, you will have to address your relationship. To turn your world upside down at this time is may be not the answer.
you are both in need of support and need a therapist to help you#
you especially should have been guidance that antidepressents are a bandaid the stuff is still going on inside and only a therapist can help you aleviate the guilt and anger that is stocked up in there
when you need support from your husband he is unable to give it asa career define a man and he has lost his so he is not only not a provider he feels a failure to you
he cant be the rock you expect as he doesnt have anything propping him up
seek a grief counsellor to talk about your loss and think of your own needs first
try and get off the antideprtessents in time and seek couples therapy to patch up your differences
otherwise you both will alienate yourselves and end up separated
Babs, dont feel like your alone in this world. I too lost my dad in december, the 25 th be exact. What a better day to remember him. The day we celebrate the Lord's birth. What a better day. Any whos, The vows we make before God are ones that are not to be taken lightly. We make the promises to love, no matter how hard the times get, no matter how bad the situations my be. What you need to do is to get God back into your heart. Ask Him to help you. He will give you the answers. Get in touch with others that are stong in faith and especially those that have endured the tests of time.
I have been married for over 31 years. There have been some bad times, but there have been many more good times. It is the scale of balance that we must look at. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to give me a hollar. I hope that my advice is good, solid and most of all important enough for you to concider. I pray for the best of this world for you and your family. Dont feel discouraged about the things of this world, Be concerned about the things that will matter in Heaven.
Sonny
There are some sensible answers here. But may I try a different angle?
Your husband has been through a rotten time; almost certainly worse than yours. The failure of his business - and farming is more than that, it's a life, a commitment - will have been almost like the failure of a marriage. Your mother's death will have hit him too; doubly, as he's sorry for you as well as missing her. He will feel inadequate, because responsible for the family's lower standard of living. He very likely thinks you despise him.
So, no surprise, he's retreating into himself in depression. He needs you. You married him (remember?) for better for worse, for richer for ;poorer, in sickness and in health.
If you give him the boot now, he will suspect that you never did love him; only his money and position. The feeling of betrayal will sour the memories even of the good times.
On the other hand if you see this through together, there might be many more good years ahead.
Think about it.
What advice can you offer to young couples that want to get married too soon?
so many people get divorced nowadays, mostly because they rushed it. were there certain things you wish you knew during your early relationships? also, how long do you think a couple should date before getting married?What advice can you offer to young couples that want to get married too soon?
I got married when I was 18 years old but we had dated since I was 14 years old. (I am almost 24 now.) I would definitely recommend waiting until after college because you learn so much about who you are and what you are capable of. Also, you should tell them to get together on their finances and make sure both of them know exactly how to balance a check book and make and stick to a budget. (No one teaches kids/teens about money management, overdraft fees, credit card interest rates, etc.) Money issues are the top reason so many people get divorced. Hope this helps!What advice can you offer to young couples that want to get married too soon?
I wouldn't give advice because it's not my place. People have a right to make their own mistakes. I got married (to the father of my kids) when I was 21 and I left him when I was 24. I don't feel like a failure, it's just part of the journey of my life.
I don't think there are so many divorces because people rushed in, I think it's because people don't take it seriously once they are in it, they don't want to try and make things work. I've heard lots of stories of couples who got married after only a few months and are still married 20, 30, 40 years later. I've also heard stories of couples who dated for like 5 years and then got married, only to get divorced a year later. People should only get married when they are commited to being together through good times and bad; everyone says that, but few really mean it. Young people need to understand that everyone grows and changes. There will be times when you don't feel in love. The person they are (and their partner is) now, will not be the same in 5, 10, 20 years. Life takes all of us on a journey, and there are ups and downs. How will you deal with it if your partner loses his/her job, and sinks into a depression for a year or two? How will you handle an unplanned pregnancy or the birth of a child with special needs? People just have to commited to making it work.
I wish I knew that my ex-wife was a lesbian before we got married. It cost me over $100K.
have them do a report on the costs of being self supportive, bills, food, etc etc
Date? not sure, but they should live together for some time to see if they enhance the other, or irritate the other. Time brings out the flaws.
they tend to not talk about the things that will matter when you get married.. the need to set goals and make plans they both want in the marriage.. like money and who will work or both and how will they pay bills and save. then need to talk about kids if any and how many can they afford to have and still pay bills and live comfortably. also where you will live.. once the get married they seem to fight over these things that they didn't really talk about before hand. if it was me they should wait till there at least 25 to 30 and more ready to settle and make that commitment that they will be ready for.. good luck
The one big thing is that a partner needs to be self sufficient and have a life out side of the relationship with interests of their own.
every couple is different. some are mature enough to make the leap and succeed. the statistics show many dont. anybody expecting someone to change because they are marrying them is getting married too soon. if your partner is not sober, stay at home, religous, sexually compatable or in any way not perfect for you they probably wont change for you.
Tell them to move in together for a few years first...try out the married life before they do it for real. Kind of like testdriving a car before you buy it! lol
I think the high divorce rate is because children of the baby boomers are spoiled, and raised just changing things instead of fixing them.
If you have data on rushing things, I'd like to see it.
The only thing I really had trouble with before marriage was waiting for the right man to step into my life. Trusting the Lord was hard, hard.
Dating before marriage would be different with every couple. I know couples in the same church who dated exactly once before becoming engaged. I think a certain amount of desperation--to be wed, to be intimate, to begin married life--is healthy. So if a couple is lonely and miserable without their fiancees, I don't see the point of making them wait.
';Married too soon'; is when the couple is still in high school, don't have jobs to support themselves, and haven't yet grown up enough to understand the real meaning of commitment. I encourage all young couples to finish college first. College + marriage is not so easy, and college is the doorway to supporting themselves %26amp; a family.
TX Mom
I knew my husband 2 years before we started dating, we dated 2 years when we got engaged and have been married for 3 years. We started out as friends first. That I think is a major factor that people tend to loose. You have to be friends to be a happily married couple.
I think ultimately I would point out that people change very dramatically from aged 18 to 30. They mature rapidly and often change their outlook on life to the opposite of what they were at 17! This dramatic change can cause problems for a couple as they sometimes don't like the person they end up with at 31. Some grow together though and its a great success. Depending on the age of the couple, I would say two years to date and a year of engagement i.e. when they have a year to seriously think about married life and what it means. An older couple need only date a year and have a shorter engagement as they have more life experience. Ultimately, every couple should get as much advice on what they are letting themselves in for and not to be silly and romantic about it. Marriage is a hard slog with lots of hurts and disappointments. With this comes a very deep love and hopefully contentment! Maturity in outlook is useful as is a forgiving nature and a sense of humour. Anyone of any age can have these qualities.
Don't.
Many years ago before your time the experts said not to marry until you are in your late 20's. By that time you are established in your life and work, you can still have a family. On a personal note, I was introduced to my wife in the middle of August a week before my 22nd birthday, she was 20. We celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary this year on Oct 31. To save you the trouble of how long we knew each other it was 10 weeks. It has been a good and bad marriage, we have just hung in there and made things work out. We are one of the exceptions. With the early marriages the divorce rate is very high in the first 5 years.
All you can do is be there and support them because they are going to do what they want you can help them think about what it will take to make a marriage work and the cost that go with it make sure they know that it is for every good times and bad and that even the best relationships have bad and that talking to each other is always better than at each other.Love and marriage takes work every day and it takes two
I got married when I was 18 years old but we had dated since I was 14 years old. (I am almost 24 now.) I would definitely recommend waiting until after college because you learn so much about who you are and what you are capable of. Also, you should tell them to get together on their finances and make sure both of them know exactly how to balance a check book and make and stick to a budget. (No one teaches kids/teens about money management, overdraft fees, credit card interest rates, etc.) Money issues are the top reason so many people get divorced. Hope this helps!What advice can you offer to young couples that want to get married too soon?
I wouldn't give advice because it's not my place. People have a right to make their own mistakes. I got married (to the father of my kids) when I was 21 and I left him when I was 24. I don't feel like a failure, it's just part of the journey of my life.
I don't think there are so many divorces because people rushed in, I think it's because people don't take it seriously once they are in it, they don't want to try and make things work. I've heard lots of stories of couples who got married after only a few months and are still married 20, 30, 40 years later. I've also heard stories of couples who dated for like 5 years and then got married, only to get divorced a year later. People should only get married when they are commited to being together through good times and bad; everyone says that, but few really mean it. Young people need to understand that everyone grows and changes. There will be times when you don't feel in love. The person they are (and their partner is) now, will not be the same in 5, 10, 20 years. Life takes all of us on a journey, and there are ups and downs. How will you deal with it if your partner loses his/her job, and sinks into a depression for a year or two? How will you handle an unplanned pregnancy or the birth of a child with special needs? People just have to commited to making it work.
I wish I knew that my ex-wife was a lesbian before we got married. It cost me over $100K.
have them do a report on the costs of being self supportive, bills, food, etc etc
Date? not sure, but they should live together for some time to see if they enhance the other, or irritate the other. Time brings out the flaws.
they tend to not talk about the things that will matter when you get married.. the need to set goals and make plans they both want in the marriage.. like money and who will work or both and how will they pay bills and save. then need to talk about kids if any and how many can they afford to have and still pay bills and live comfortably. also where you will live.. once the get married they seem to fight over these things that they didn't really talk about before hand. if it was me they should wait till there at least 25 to 30 and more ready to settle and make that commitment that they will be ready for.. good luck
The one big thing is that a partner needs to be self sufficient and have a life out side of the relationship with interests of their own.
every couple is different. some are mature enough to make the leap and succeed. the statistics show many dont. anybody expecting someone to change because they are marrying them is getting married too soon. if your partner is not sober, stay at home, religous, sexually compatable or in any way not perfect for you they probably wont change for you.
Tell them to move in together for a few years first...try out the married life before they do it for real. Kind of like testdriving a car before you buy it! lol
I think the high divorce rate is because children of the baby boomers are spoiled, and raised just changing things instead of fixing them.
If you have data on rushing things, I'd like to see it.
The only thing I really had trouble with before marriage was waiting for the right man to step into my life. Trusting the Lord was hard, hard.
Dating before marriage would be different with every couple. I know couples in the same church who dated exactly once before becoming engaged. I think a certain amount of desperation--to be wed, to be intimate, to begin married life--is healthy. So if a couple is lonely and miserable without their fiancees, I don't see the point of making them wait.
';Married too soon'; is when the couple is still in high school, don't have jobs to support themselves, and haven't yet grown up enough to understand the real meaning of commitment. I encourage all young couples to finish college first. College + marriage is not so easy, and college is the doorway to supporting themselves %26amp; a family.
TX Mom
I knew my husband 2 years before we started dating, we dated 2 years when we got engaged and have been married for 3 years. We started out as friends first. That I think is a major factor that people tend to loose. You have to be friends to be a happily married couple.
I think ultimately I would point out that people change very dramatically from aged 18 to 30. They mature rapidly and often change their outlook on life to the opposite of what they were at 17! This dramatic change can cause problems for a couple as they sometimes don't like the person they end up with at 31. Some grow together though and its a great success. Depending on the age of the couple, I would say two years to date and a year of engagement i.e. when they have a year to seriously think about married life and what it means. An older couple need only date a year and have a shorter engagement as they have more life experience. Ultimately, every couple should get as much advice on what they are letting themselves in for and not to be silly and romantic about it. Marriage is a hard slog with lots of hurts and disappointments. With this comes a very deep love and hopefully contentment! Maturity in outlook is useful as is a forgiving nature and a sense of humour. Anyone of any age can have these qualities.
Don't.
Many years ago before your time the experts said not to marry until you are in your late 20's. By that time you are established in your life and work, you can still have a family. On a personal note, I was introduced to my wife in the middle of August a week before my 22nd birthday, she was 20. We celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary this year on Oct 31. To save you the trouble of how long we knew each other it was 10 weeks. It has been a good and bad marriage, we have just hung in there and made things work out. We are one of the exceptions. With the early marriages the divorce rate is very high in the first 5 years.
All you can do is be there and support them because they are going to do what they want you can help them think about what it will take to make a marriage work and the cost that go with it make sure they know that it is for every good times and bad and that even the best relationships have bad and that talking to each other is always better than at each other.Love and marriage takes work every day and it takes two
Oops i am falling for married coworker advice pls?
Jade...you are such a sL*t........just keep it in your pants, and keep to the fantasy that is still alive ;D
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You may need to transfer departments. Plus...are you sure you have the girth to satisfy her? ;X haha keep yourself together man
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I tell you it did not work out for me and I got for kids !!!!Oops i am falling for married coworker advice pls?
The worst thing there is that doesn't get justice is break up a marriage. If the marriage is going to fail then it will fail on it's own. Don't put yourself out there for a woman who is not available. If there is a family attached with this coworker and her husband it only compounds the decesion. Do all in your power to avoid the crime of cheating. Avoid any and all situations that put you in a position to forward any desire you may have.Oops i am falling for married coworker advice pls?
Pull back and try to avoid getting emotionally involved.
Don't even go there
Nuthin but trouble! Theres lotsa crazy out there, try a different flavor!!!
If you know your co worker is married I say your falling for trouble. if they are encouraging you then cheating is O.K with them. which means they'll cheat on you. If you are initiating this then your settling for someone who is not really available to be with you in public, embarrassed by you, when others are around . gee what a way to live.
SSSTOOOPPP.....RED light is on..Don't you might hurt a lot of people......there are still a lot out there.....
dude, just stop right now. she's married and she's your coworker, that's a double whammy. just go out and find some one else! single and not at your company!
Don't just move on consider her off limits and move on..... There is a thing called morals in this world and it is about time people started using them again to make some decisions... Besides if she does cheat on him who's to say she won't cheat on you.....
Don't do it there married for a reason.
Don't do it!
No advice needed dude. You know you wrong for that. You know this is not a good situation to be going for a married woman. You gotta make a decision and stop with tha madness! Folks husbands be going postal! Watch your back dude!!!!
If your life is boring, you can take being rejected, and you like drama.. GO FOR IT!
if not.. be a man and do the right thing
STOP!!!!!
Trust me been there done that
Dont be a homewrecker....let her go.
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You may need to transfer departments. Plus...are you sure you have the girth to satisfy her? ;X haha keep yourself together man
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I tell you it did not work out for me and I got for kids !!!!Oops i am falling for married coworker advice pls?
The worst thing there is that doesn't get justice is break up a marriage. If the marriage is going to fail then it will fail on it's own. Don't put yourself out there for a woman who is not available. If there is a family attached with this coworker and her husband it only compounds the decesion. Do all in your power to avoid the crime of cheating. Avoid any and all situations that put you in a position to forward any desire you may have.Oops i am falling for married coworker advice pls?
Pull back and try to avoid getting emotionally involved.
Don't even go there
Nuthin but trouble! Theres lotsa crazy out there, try a different flavor!!!
If you know your co worker is married I say your falling for trouble. if they are encouraging you then cheating is O.K with them. which means they'll cheat on you. If you are initiating this then your settling for someone who is not really available to be with you in public, embarrassed by you, when others are around . gee what a way to live.
SSSTOOOPPP.....RED light is on..Don't you might hurt a lot of people......there are still a lot out there.....
dude, just stop right now. she's married and she's your coworker, that's a double whammy. just go out and find some one else! single and not at your company!
Don't just move on consider her off limits and move on..... There is a thing called morals in this world and it is about time people started using them again to make some decisions... Besides if she does cheat on him who's to say she won't cheat on you.....
Don't do it there married for a reason.
Don't do it!
No advice needed dude. You know you wrong for that. You know this is not a good situation to be going for a married woman. You gotta make a decision and stop with tha madness! Folks husbands be going postal! Watch your back dude!!!!
If your life is boring, you can take being rejected, and you like drama.. GO FOR IT!
if not.. be a man and do the right thing
STOP!!!!!
Trust me been there done that
Dont be a homewrecker....let her go.
Getting married need advice!!?
I want two people to be my maid of honor but they totally hate each other. They are both very close to me and have been though alot with me and I can't choice just one.What do I do? Real answers please no rude ones thank you.Getting married need advice!!?
I would take them out or invite them over for a nice dinner and have them talk about what the deal is. I'm just throwing this out here and I may be wrong, but they may not even remember WHY they hated each other in the first place.
Tell them that you love them both dearly and that you really want them BOTH to be a part of your wedding because they are BOTH a part of your life. Then ask them to please put aside their differences with each other and help you plan your wedding.
And, let them know that after your wedding, they are free to hate each other once more. They may or may not be civil to each other during the planning, but be sure to tell them that you expect them to be on their best behavior and if they cannot be nice then they cannot be a part of your wedding.
Call it your ';No Drama Zone';
Good luck!Getting married need advice!!?
Just have them both. Tell each of them that you know they're not the best of friends, but if they could pretty please put their differences aside for this event, you would really appreciate it. I have friends that don't particularly love each other (understatement) but we're all adults %26amp; I know they wouldn't cause any drama if it was for me. And if I was asked to do that for a bride, I would certainly just go with it %26amp; cause no waves. However, if you know that one of them or both of them are going to be bratty or ghetto in any way towards each other then you'll have to make a decision. I can't really imagine being friends with someone who would act like that though. Best of luck with everything. I'm sure it will be fine.
First talk to them individually. find out what it is they dislike about each other. then with some unbiased help meet with them together. just lay it out for them. tell them you care for both of them and wish they could get along. you want both of them to be in your wedding and you will not choose one over the other how ever if they cant get along and not spoil your day then neither of them will be in your wedding, Period!! If they wont go along with this then just have a matron of honor. a mature married woman whom you respect and admire to take the place of these two. good luck.
Have them both. If one is married you can have a Maid and Matron of Honor. Having two Maids of Honor is not unusual, and these two ladies will need to put aside their personal feelings about each other for a while.
I agree.. sit them both down and explain to them exactly the way you did here. For ONE day this is all about you..and if they are true friends, they should be able to put aside their differences for a little while.
Have them both and if they are your friends they will suck up their problems with each other for you, at least for the duration of the wedding planning and wedding!
well its your wedding
so they should try to short out their issues for your special day
I would take them out or invite them over for a nice dinner and have them talk about what the deal is. I'm just throwing this out here and I may be wrong, but they may not even remember WHY they hated each other in the first place.
Tell them that you love them both dearly and that you really want them BOTH to be a part of your wedding because they are BOTH a part of your life. Then ask them to please put aside their differences with each other and help you plan your wedding.
And, let them know that after your wedding, they are free to hate each other once more. They may or may not be civil to each other during the planning, but be sure to tell them that you expect them to be on their best behavior and if they cannot be nice then they cannot be a part of your wedding.
Call it your ';No Drama Zone';
Good luck!Getting married need advice!!?
Just have them both. Tell each of them that you know they're not the best of friends, but if they could pretty please put their differences aside for this event, you would really appreciate it. I have friends that don't particularly love each other (understatement) but we're all adults %26amp; I know they wouldn't cause any drama if it was for me. And if I was asked to do that for a bride, I would certainly just go with it %26amp; cause no waves. However, if you know that one of them or both of them are going to be bratty or ghetto in any way towards each other then you'll have to make a decision. I can't really imagine being friends with someone who would act like that though. Best of luck with everything. I'm sure it will be fine.
First talk to them individually. find out what it is they dislike about each other. then with some unbiased help meet with them together. just lay it out for them. tell them you care for both of them and wish they could get along. you want both of them to be in your wedding and you will not choose one over the other how ever if they cant get along and not spoil your day then neither of them will be in your wedding, Period!! If they wont go along with this then just have a matron of honor. a mature married woman whom you respect and admire to take the place of these two. good luck.
Have them both. If one is married you can have a Maid and Matron of Honor. Having two Maids of Honor is not unusual, and these two ladies will need to put aside their personal feelings about each other for a while.
I agree.. sit them both down and explain to them exactly the way you did here. For ONE day this is all about you..and if they are true friends, they should be able to put aside their differences for a little while.
Have them both and if they are your friends they will suck up their problems with each other for you, at least for the duration of the wedding planning and wedding!
well its your wedding
so they should try to short out their issues for your special day
I am a married woman and sometimes I do have problems with my husband due to money issue. Please advice me.?
that is the biggest reason ppl fight!
try talking instead of yelling...it takes A LOT of effort, but it's better than screaming and getting upset over something stupid.
and YES money is stupid...what is more important...your marriage or your money?
my husband and i NEVER fight about money..otherwise we would be very unhappy.
yelling doesn't fix things. communication *its not cliche* does work best if calmly utilized.I am a married woman and sometimes I do have problems with my husband due to money issue. Please advice me.?
Money causes more fights than anything eles. Specificlywhat is the problem? If he won't get a job, even after u tell him he should if he loves u , leave him!. If u r just not satified w/ what u or he make, can u find a way to be happy w/ less? Post some more specific questions, please.I am a married woman and sometimes I do have problems with my husband due to money issue. Please advice me.?
Money problems huh?
Well those problems are common to lots of couples. the way through any problem is to sit and talk about them.. There are sometimes obvious solutions to even the most difficult situations.. if the obvious answers don't apply then seek professional help in financial matters, the worst thing possible is to let things get out of control..
we need more details ;-)
Call the cops, and tell them that he beats you. They always believe the woman, and will haul his butt off to jail,,,,,, this should wake him up ...
Get rid of.........
Fix with pschotropic meds
Counseling
Please elaborate...........
It depends on who spends the most unwisely.
Talk about larger purchases (over $50.00) together.
Adopt the policy (less is more). Good Luck.
try talking instead of yelling...it takes A LOT of effort, but it's better than screaming and getting upset over something stupid.
and YES money is stupid...what is more important...your marriage or your money?
my husband and i NEVER fight about money..otherwise we would be very unhappy.
yelling doesn't fix things. communication *its not cliche* does work best if calmly utilized.I am a married woman and sometimes I do have problems with my husband due to money issue. Please advice me.?
Money causes more fights than anything eles. Specificlywhat is the problem? If he won't get a job, even after u tell him he should if he loves u , leave him!. If u r just not satified w/ what u or he make, can u find a way to be happy w/ less? Post some more specific questions, please.I am a married woman and sometimes I do have problems with my husband due to money issue. Please advice me.?
Money problems huh?
Well those problems are common to lots of couples. the way through any problem is to sit and talk about them.. There are sometimes obvious solutions to even the most difficult situations.. if the obvious answers don't apply then seek professional help in financial matters, the worst thing possible is to let things get out of control..
we need more details ;-)
Call the cops, and tell them that he beats you. They always believe the woman, and will haul his butt off to jail,,,,,, this should wake him up ...
Get rid of.........
Fix with pschotropic meds
Counseling
Please elaborate...........
It depends on who spends the most unwisely.
Talk about larger purchases (over $50.00) together.
Adopt the policy (less is more). Good Luck.
So, I'm having an affair with a married woman. Advice? lol...?
Now, first and foremost this is a completely honest and serious question. I am not facilitating any sort of lie, I'm just asking for different opinions.
First of all, the woman in question was my long term girlfriend for roughly 3 years. We lost contact for about 7 years, than met back up on Myspace. She ended up taking a trip to New York which is where here and I both grew up. We spent a massive amount of time together.
We ended up sharing several intimate moments, that needless to say, were spectacular. We completely fell in love all over again, spending nearly every waking moment of her two week trip together. Sadly, she had to return home back to her husband.
We talk secretly amongst each other, sinfully desiring to be back with one another. She wants to leave her husband and be with me.
Now I have to admit, I feel quite guilty at times. She's married and theres kids in the picture. However, at the same time...it feels so damm right holding her in my arms again. Advice?So, I'm having an affair with a married woman. Advice? lol...?
Hate to sound so - - ';Pure'; in thought, because I'm not! But, been there, done that. If she ends it with her husband, that would be the best for all involved. Until she does, you should maintain an arms distance. If you don't, the one thing for sure is; your going to get hurt and give hurt!So, I'm having an affair with a married woman. Advice? lol...?
if you love her just try to forget about her cause what if you were the husband you love her but when yo love someone you have to think aboutthem fist than you
Leave her alone. You have no right to mess with another man's woman nor does she have any being married. Especially with kids. Does no one take marriage vows serious anymore?!!? It may have been passionate for 2 weeks but when reality sets in (should you decide to move forward with the relationship), neither of you will trust each other and you'll realize that it was better off leaving the past just that...the past.
leave her alone. she's married. she did it to him and she'll do ut to you. she probably has other guys out there too.
Bottom line....she's married. She needs to resolve that one way or the other before beginning something else. You should really stay out of it until if/when she's free to date again. Tell her you care about her and always will, but she needs to figure out her marriage and until then, you can't see her. And then stick to it. Don't see her or have sexy phone conversations with her as long as she's with her husband. You'll only get hurt.
I wonder if it would have been that magical for her if she was single. Believe me, there's lots going on in that house that you don't know about. And only they can figure out what to do about it.
Good luck and be strong.
Stop what you are doing and move away if necessary in order to stop...kids aren't just ';in the picture';, you're screwing around with their lives in an irresponsible way.
Do you think she would have divorced her husband if you hadn't come along? If the answer is no then cut the ties. You are the one who will get all the pain. She has much to much to lose and you will will get nothing but a woman who will have really pissed off kids, and will do nothing but make your life miserable. If she gets the husband to take the kids, then you will have a miserable woman who misses her kids AND will be paying masses amount of child support and you will still end up with pissed off kids. You do what you want to do, but know that there is an extreme amount of pain in your future if you proceed. Do this the right way.
END ALL CONTACT IMMEDIATELY.
It may feel good temporarily, but it will cause problems for you in the long run that will just not be worth it. It will be very difficult for you to end contact, but it will be even more difficult later on if you don't.
This is how people get hurt and I mean physically hurt. Should the husband find out he might come looking for you. Better find out if he owns any guns!!
You have already crossed lines you absolutely should not have. While I do have some empathy for the fact that the two of you share a history, it appears you did break up and there had to be a reason for that. Many times when couples 're-connect', there is a honeymoon period when they remember all the good times and the closeness they once had and it is so awesome. In this scenario though, it's not just a re-match -- she's cheating on her husband and presumably the father of her children. That's bad, really bad. If you have reconnected with an old love that is not free, it is incumbent upon you both to decide if you are going to work toward becoming a couple again -- BUT, until and unless the partner who is already attached gets a divorce, you must not see each other or communicate anymore. PERIOD! If you two were truly meant to be together, she will go home to her husband and ask for a divorce and get her life cleaned up before engaging in this cheat-job with you. You know what you did was wrong -- it was wrong for you to communicate with her on myspace once you realized the two of you still had a 'thing' and you both totally stepped out of line when you made it possible for you to get together and took it to the next level. If she is unhappy with her husband, SHE needs to fix that situation before she comes to you! The only time it will feel ';SO DAMN RIGHT'; is under cover of darkness, hiding like the cheats you are being. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but you know it's wrong. You should never live in a bad marriage---but you should always get out of the marriage BEFORE you start something else. It's wrong to wait to leave a bad marriage until you have another sure thing waiting in the wings. Don't be her dirty little secret!
This is a completely honest and serious answer.
Buy body armor.
A buddy of mine in an eerily similar situation took a shotgun blast in the chest. Fortunately he had is vest still on and was far enough away that he didn't get killed.
Why is your question in the government section? I think you want the family and relationships section. Personally, I like having sexual relationships with married women for the simple reason that they don't want or expect any commitment... usually. I've met a few that were psychos. It sounds like you're asking if it's OK to break up a marriage. The kids probably like both their parents and want them to be together, so you're probably not being fair to them if the two of you want more than an occaissional roll in the hay. If you keep it simple and secret it can't do much harm (except to yourself if you're in love with her). If you want more, you're being a bit selfish. The two of you had a chance for a life together years ago. You didn't take it. My advice would be to find another girl if you want to share your future with a woman. But if it's just sex, and you don't get too emotional about it, go ahead and enjoy. I would.
OooooooooooooooooooH, toughie! Depends whether you're a gent or a rascal, sir. A gent would let her get on with her life bringing up her children, with minimum disruption. A Rascal would tell her how he felt and hope that she flew back into his arms (kids in tow of course).
Me? I'd do the au pair!
another fool hits the dust
What about her family and kids? Do you feel right for them too?
Why don't you ask for advice from the person that could give you the best answer, her husband. What no cajones? Real men don't screw other man's wife. Better yet....you might just win the prize....an woman who would screw another man at the drop of a phone call.....
Did you attend the ';bill clinton school of ethics'; by any chance? you're both dogs..i feel real bad for her husband and kids.
As a Husband that was cheated on myself by my wife. I swore I would never put another man threw what I went threw. You are willing to destroy a family for your sexual needs you should feel guilty because Mr. You are a piece of SH*T !!!! I'm sure the three kids that have there life's sent into a tail spin because of you will agree. You aren't in the league of Child molesters being the lowest form of life but you are Damn close.
end it
do the right thing
if she really wants to be with you, she will end her commitment first and then come to you and do it the right way
end it now
if she's a cheater now, will you ever be able to trust her?
end it
With the girl comes the kids. Are you ready to take on that responsibilty or are you just lookin for a piece of ... ...anyways, the grass is not always greener on the other side...you may just be wanting her because she's ';unavailable';... How would you feel it she wasnt married, would the feelings still be there?
It is true everything while on vacation is intensified...
Then back to you no what....
You will have memories which also will change.
On a daily basis you have no idea what she is like.
Lust is a *****...
For the sake of her kids, I'd club you to death myself, but then if she's ready to leave them they probably deserve better.
Well id walk away however you should let it as her decision, while not feeling guilty yourself as her choice is just that.
drop the relationship NOW. there is only diseaster in the future for both of you. you stated that you feel guilty at timies listen to your gut reaction and not to your heart. you will regret this in the long term. i know i have been there.
End this immediately. If she cheats FOR you, what makes you think she won't cheat ON you later? Serious relationships should not be based on ';feels right'; emotions, but commitments. Evidently she is incapable of keeping true to a commitment.
You better be sure about what you are doing. Having an affair is exciting because it's 'taboo'. However, things might change if she is living with you and you are caring for her kids. The excitement runs out of the relationship pretty fast. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just to let your affair run its course.
First of all, the woman in question was my long term girlfriend for roughly 3 years. We lost contact for about 7 years, than met back up on Myspace. She ended up taking a trip to New York which is where here and I both grew up. We spent a massive amount of time together.
We ended up sharing several intimate moments, that needless to say, were spectacular. We completely fell in love all over again, spending nearly every waking moment of her two week trip together. Sadly, she had to return home back to her husband.
We talk secretly amongst each other, sinfully desiring to be back with one another. She wants to leave her husband and be with me.
Now I have to admit, I feel quite guilty at times. She's married and theres kids in the picture. However, at the same time...it feels so damm right holding her in my arms again. Advice?So, I'm having an affair with a married woman. Advice? lol...?
Hate to sound so - - ';Pure'; in thought, because I'm not! But, been there, done that. If she ends it with her husband, that would be the best for all involved. Until she does, you should maintain an arms distance. If you don't, the one thing for sure is; your going to get hurt and give hurt!So, I'm having an affair with a married woman. Advice? lol...?
if you love her just try to forget about her cause what if you were the husband you love her but when yo love someone you have to think aboutthem fist than you
Leave her alone. You have no right to mess with another man's woman nor does she have any being married. Especially with kids. Does no one take marriage vows serious anymore?!!? It may have been passionate for 2 weeks but when reality sets in (should you decide to move forward with the relationship), neither of you will trust each other and you'll realize that it was better off leaving the past just that...the past.
leave her alone. she's married. she did it to him and she'll do ut to you. she probably has other guys out there too.
Bottom line....she's married. She needs to resolve that one way or the other before beginning something else. You should really stay out of it until if/when she's free to date again. Tell her you care about her and always will, but she needs to figure out her marriage and until then, you can't see her. And then stick to it. Don't see her or have sexy phone conversations with her as long as she's with her husband. You'll only get hurt.
I wonder if it would have been that magical for her if she was single. Believe me, there's lots going on in that house that you don't know about. And only they can figure out what to do about it.
Good luck and be strong.
Stop what you are doing and move away if necessary in order to stop...kids aren't just ';in the picture';, you're screwing around with their lives in an irresponsible way.
Do you think she would have divorced her husband if you hadn't come along? If the answer is no then cut the ties. You are the one who will get all the pain. She has much to much to lose and you will will get nothing but a woman who will have really pissed off kids, and will do nothing but make your life miserable. If she gets the husband to take the kids, then you will have a miserable woman who misses her kids AND will be paying masses amount of child support and you will still end up with pissed off kids. You do what you want to do, but know that there is an extreme amount of pain in your future if you proceed. Do this the right way.
END ALL CONTACT IMMEDIATELY.
It may feel good temporarily, but it will cause problems for you in the long run that will just not be worth it. It will be very difficult for you to end contact, but it will be even more difficult later on if you don't.
This is how people get hurt and I mean physically hurt. Should the husband find out he might come looking for you. Better find out if he owns any guns!!
You have already crossed lines you absolutely should not have. While I do have some empathy for the fact that the two of you share a history, it appears you did break up and there had to be a reason for that. Many times when couples 're-connect', there is a honeymoon period when they remember all the good times and the closeness they once had and it is so awesome. In this scenario though, it's not just a re-match -- she's cheating on her husband and presumably the father of her children. That's bad, really bad. If you have reconnected with an old love that is not free, it is incumbent upon you both to decide if you are going to work toward becoming a couple again -- BUT, until and unless the partner who is already attached gets a divorce, you must not see each other or communicate anymore. PERIOD! If you two were truly meant to be together, she will go home to her husband and ask for a divorce and get her life cleaned up before engaging in this cheat-job with you. You know what you did was wrong -- it was wrong for you to communicate with her on myspace once you realized the two of you still had a 'thing' and you both totally stepped out of line when you made it possible for you to get together and took it to the next level. If she is unhappy with her husband, SHE needs to fix that situation before she comes to you! The only time it will feel ';SO DAMN RIGHT'; is under cover of darkness, hiding like the cheats you are being. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but you know it's wrong. You should never live in a bad marriage---but you should always get out of the marriage BEFORE you start something else. It's wrong to wait to leave a bad marriage until you have another sure thing waiting in the wings. Don't be her dirty little secret!
This is a completely honest and serious answer.
Buy body armor.
A buddy of mine in an eerily similar situation took a shotgun blast in the chest. Fortunately he had is vest still on and was far enough away that he didn't get killed.
Why is your question in the government section? I think you want the family and relationships section. Personally, I like having sexual relationships with married women for the simple reason that they don't want or expect any commitment... usually. I've met a few that were psychos. It sounds like you're asking if it's OK to break up a marriage. The kids probably like both their parents and want them to be together, so you're probably not being fair to them if the two of you want more than an occaissional roll in the hay. If you keep it simple and secret it can't do much harm (except to yourself if you're in love with her). If you want more, you're being a bit selfish. The two of you had a chance for a life together years ago. You didn't take it. My advice would be to find another girl if you want to share your future with a woman. But if it's just sex, and you don't get too emotional about it, go ahead and enjoy. I would.
OooooooooooooooooooH, toughie! Depends whether you're a gent or a rascal, sir. A gent would let her get on with her life bringing up her children, with minimum disruption. A Rascal would tell her how he felt and hope that she flew back into his arms (kids in tow of course).
Me? I'd do the au pair!
another fool hits the dust
What about her family and kids? Do you feel right for them too?
Why don't you ask for advice from the person that could give you the best answer, her husband. What no cajones? Real men don't screw other man's wife. Better yet....you might just win the prize....an woman who would screw another man at the drop of a phone call.....
Did you attend the ';bill clinton school of ethics'; by any chance? you're both dogs..i feel real bad for her husband and kids.
As a Husband that was cheated on myself by my wife. I swore I would never put another man threw what I went threw. You are willing to destroy a family for your sexual needs you should feel guilty because Mr. You are a piece of SH*T !!!! I'm sure the three kids that have there life's sent into a tail spin because of you will agree. You aren't in the league of Child molesters being the lowest form of life but you are Damn close.
end it
do the right thing
if she really wants to be with you, she will end her commitment first and then come to you and do it the right way
end it now
if she's a cheater now, will you ever be able to trust her?
end it
With the girl comes the kids. Are you ready to take on that responsibilty or are you just lookin for a piece of ... ...anyways, the grass is not always greener on the other side...you may just be wanting her because she's ';unavailable';... How would you feel it she wasnt married, would the feelings still be there?
It is true everything while on vacation is intensified...
Then back to you no what....
You will have memories which also will change.
On a daily basis you have no idea what she is like.
Lust is a *****...
For the sake of her kids, I'd club you to death myself, but then if she's ready to leave them they probably deserve better.
Well id walk away however you should let it as her decision, while not feeling guilty yourself as her choice is just that.
drop the relationship NOW. there is only diseaster in the future for both of you. you stated that you feel guilty at timies listen to your gut reaction and not to your heart. you will regret this in the long term. i know i have been there.
End this immediately. If she cheats FOR you, what makes you think she won't cheat ON you later? Serious relationships should not be based on ';feels right'; emotions, but commitments. Evidently she is incapable of keeping true to a commitment.
You better be sure about what you are doing. Having an affair is exciting because it's 'taboo'. However, things might change if she is living with you and you are caring for her kids. The excitement runs out of the relationship pretty fast. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just to let your affair run its course.
Can anyone give advice?i was married and my ex filed chapter 13?
i was laid off my current job and i am trying to find work.can you tell me what kind of job that i can apply for with out the company doing a credit check on me..the chapter 13 has been paid off.also how long will i have this trouble?i just want a job so that i can make a living.will this stay on my cr file for 7 years,from the time that he file or the time that it has been paid offCan anyone give advice?i was married and my ex filed chapter 13?
Just being divorced does not rid you of your ex's financial 'presence.' I was in the same position. I slowly and with great pain paid off my personal debts, while my 1st husband filed bankruptcy. Last year when I checked my credit reports, there still were a couple of places where his SSN and name was listed on my credit report! I also discovered several addresses that I had been no where near on the other side of the country.
Check your credit reports, all three major companies, every year. It is free as guaranteed by law. www.annualcreditreport.com
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/edcams/cr鈥?/a>
If you find any errors, contact the specific credit reporting company and have it corrected. Don't stop until they do fix it. You also have the right to add a comment to your credit report about entries, like that a bankruptcy was filed by husband ';due to divorce';. I had this added to my credit report for a few notations of late payments. So concentrate on YOUR credit report immediately!
If questions should arise when you are applying for a job, be honest. Since divorce is so common these days, I found that many people are more understanding. The fact that you are trying says more than anything.
Good luck.Can anyone give advice?i was married and my ex filed chapter 13?
Well the Chapter 13 usually comes with a 5 year plan to make payments on the debts you had, plus it will stay on your credit for a number of years, however having a bankruptcy should not hurt you in getting a job because the BK's are there to protect you as your federal right.
Bankruptcies of any type stay on the credit report for 10 years as of the the filing date (not the discharge date).
Your credit file is separate from hers. If you are not a party to the bankruptcy, then it will not appear on your credit report. If it does, it is in error and should be removed.
The truth is, there is no way to know how long some of the information will stay on your report. The rule is, 7 years after the last date that any of the creditors report it. As long as they keep reporting it, the clock resets each time they do. I would be up front, to any employer, and explain what happened before they find out on their own.
First of all if you did not file, the only thing that is showing up on your bureau is the accounts that were joint with your ex-husband and they will read ';Included in bankruptcy of another person';. This should not hurt your credit.
As far as how long it will show up, bankruptcy's show for 10-years from the date of discharge.
I do not agree with the people here who are telling you that your ex and the chapter 13 will not effect you. I do agree with the fact that if you are getting a job, most of the time they do not run credit checks....criminal backgrounds and drug test...yes, but credit....I am not so sure. From my experience, I know a few couples who divorced and as soon as the person stopped paying, filed for bankruptcy or chapter 13....the other persons credit was effected immediately. Even if you did not have a lot of accounts together, you relationship by marriage sometimes has a way of creeping up at the most unusual times. There is no guarantee that the others persons credit history will not effect you. It just depends on where you want to work and how far they are willing to check into your past.
Hi, I have this resource to share with you concerning your problem, My aunt finds it useful hope it will be useful for you too!take careskin treatment psoriasis treatment
Just being divorced does not rid you of your ex's financial 'presence.' I was in the same position. I slowly and with great pain paid off my personal debts, while my 1st husband filed bankruptcy. Last year when I checked my credit reports, there still were a couple of places where his SSN and name was listed on my credit report! I also discovered several addresses that I had been no where near on the other side of the country.
Check your credit reports, all three major companies, every year. It is free as guaranteed by law. www.annualcreditreport.com
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/edcams/cr鈥?/a>
If you find any errors, contact the specific credit reporting company and have it corrected. Don't stop until they do fix it. You also have the right to add a comment to your credit report about entries, like that a bankruptcy was filed by husband ';due to divorce';. I had this added to my credit report for a few notations of late payments. So concentrate on YOUR credit report immediately!
If questions should arise when you are applying for a job, be honest. Since divorce is so common these days, I found that many people are more understanding. The fact that you are trying says more than anything.
Good luck.Can anyone give advice?i was married and my ex filed chapter 13?
Well the Chapter 13 usually comes with a 5 year plan to make payments on the debts you had, plus it will stay on your credit for a number of years, however having a bankruptcy should not hurt you in getting a job because the BK's are there to protect you as your federal right.
Bankruptcies of any type stay on the credit report for 10 years as of the the filing date (not the discharge date).
Your credit file is separate from hers. If you are not a party to the bankruptcy, then it will not appear on your credit report. If it does, it is in error and should be removed.
The truth is, there is no way to know how long some of the information will stay on your report. The rule is, 7 years after the last date that any of the creditors report it. As long as they keep reporting it, the clock resets each time they do. I would be up front, to any employer, and explain what happened before they find out on their own.
First of all if you did not file, the only thing that is showing up on your bureau is the accounts that were joint with your ex-husband and they will read ';Included in bankruptcy of another person';. This should not hurt your credit.
As far as how long it will show up, bankruptcy's show for 10-years from the date of discharge.
I do not agree with the people here who are telling you that your ex and the chapter 13 will not effect you. I do agree with the fact that if you are getting a job, most of the time they do not run credit checks....criminal backgrounds and drug test...yes, but credit....I am not so sure. From my experience, I know a few couples who divorced and as soon as the person stopped paying, filed for bankruptcy or chapter 13....the other persons credit was effected immediately. Even if you did not have a lot of accounts together, you relationship by marriage sometimes has a way of creeping up at the most unusual times. There is no guarantee that the others persons credit history will not effect you. It just depends on where you want to work and how far they are willing to check into your past.
Hi, I have this resource to share with you concerning your problem, My aunt finds it useful hope it will be useful for you too!take care
My husband sucks at giving gifts. Any Advice married ladies?
I just got married last October. When it comes to Christmas and birthdays, I'm on it, I really think about what he would like and make it happen. He on the other hand just gets gifts that would make him happy. Or sometimes he's just really cheap about it.
He honestly thought that lingerie and going to a baseball game was a good gift for my birthday.
Is he selfish or am I expecting too much?My husband sucks at giving gifts. Any Advice married ladies?
hahaha, ';lingerie and going to a baseball game was a good gift ';. that made me laugh.
go to a website(or two) that you like and start a ';wish list'; then bookmark for him and write the password down for him.
he can pick something you like and you'll still be surprised.
btw, if people say its just about you being ungrateful, forget about it.
Most men would admit they dont know what you like until you tell or show them, on all levels.My husband sucks at giving gifts. Any Advice married ladies?
Did you tell him what you wanted or did you just hint? Men can be pretty ignorant sometimes. I've found the best way to get what I want is to specifically say to him Honey I want this for my b/day. Then I point it out to him in the store. Heck, I've even gone as far as buying my own present, wrapping it and then having the kids tell him that's what they want to give me. Not as much fun, I know, but at least you get what you want. Or you can try the passive/aggressive- reverse psychology type. He gives you gifts he wants on your birthday, so do the same to him. On his birthday give him gifts you want!
I kind of get this. It sounds selfish to complain when someone gets you a gift because the fact is they spent money on you, so it seems rude. But sometimes someone gets you a gift and you wonder if they were hoping you'd give it back so they could use it.
The baseball tickets is a hard thing, especially if you don't usually watch it. I think the only thing to do would be to go, and if he asks if you enjoyed yourself say something like ';Thanks so much for the thought, but I am not sure baseball is really my thing. I really loved the gift though.'; That way he knows you appreciate the gift but maybe not do that again.
Try to look at the lingerie as somethig he was hoping to share with you. He thought it would look good on you, he wants to see his woman looking sexy for him. You want to look good for him right?
You sound like such a baby. You are selfish and yes expecting too much. Your also very controlling. Why can't you love this man for who he is? Do you honestly think that if he gave you a gift that you demanded and requested that it would have any meaning. Accept what he gives you from who he is not from who you want him to be. Most men don't get into the whole thing of gift giving, shopping etc. I think that he gave you lingerie and baseball tickets was a sweet gesture on his part and you didn't even appreciate it. This is sad to me. I feel so sorry for your husband who seems to never be able to please his demanding wife.
I don't think he is selfish necessarily. Maybe he gets you things he would like because he believes that you would like it. You haven't been married that long. My husband is not the best gift giver and I am okay with that. You may have to be crystal clear about what you want for birthdays/holidays. Write a list for him and tell him ';here are some ideas of what I might want';.
Men sometimes just don't get it and needs us to help them along.
This is what you do. BUY the gift you want, MAKE THE RESERVATIONS at the place you want to go, and WRAP the gift for him to give to you at the restaurant.
If he isn't good enough for you, then do it all for him. You'll probably have to do a lot of ';taking care of yourself'; anyway.
Tell him that you are making an appointment for him at the doctor as he appears to have unusual memory problems. Most people remember stuff after being told once or twice.
If this is not his problem, you need to have a sit down with him and talk to him about what he expects. It's plain selfishness IMHO.
he's still new at this. try not to be too upset. the new guys always thing lingerie is a good gift. FOR THEM! the ball game? well, maybe he really thought you'd enjoy it. i wouldn't call him selfish, just a bit clueless. he'll get better in time
I'd be happy with lingerie and tickets to a Sox game.
Stop being such an ungrateful primadonna. It's the thought that counts.
Im not married but my parents do the same thing. My mom just drops hints on my dad.
He sounds a bit selfish. Hint at things you want/like.
Men rarely give good gifts.Get the money he is gona spend on you and buy your own gift,it's a lot better that way.
he never gave you ONE gift before you got married?
he suddenly sprung this shitty gift-giving thing on you AFTER the ceremony?
*you* married him - *you* potty train him.
or you can just whine all day about him not being Prince Edward. because the whining solves so much.
oh so you add you dropped 20 hints.
so you fell in love with and married a - - - how did you describe him? dense inconsiderate incompetent asshole? boy can you pick 'em, honey!
By the way, cupcake, it's spelled THAI food so perhaps next year he can look it up correctly.
****************
Dirty Liberal, much to the horror of Val X, I think I might be falling in love with you.
He honestly thought that lingerie and going to a baseball game was a good gift for my birthday.
Is he selfish or am I expecting too much?My husband sucks at giving gifts. Any Advice married ladies?
hahaha, ';lingerie and going to a baseball game was a good gift ';. that made me laugh.
go to a website(or two) that you like and start a ';wish list'; then bookmark for him and write the password down for him.
he can pick something you like and you'll still be surprised.
btw, if people say its just about you being ungrateful, forget about it.
Most men would admit they dont know what you like until you tell or show them, on all levels.My husband sucks at giving gifts. Any Advice married ladies?
Did you tell him what you wanted or did you just hint? Men can be pretty ignorant sometimes. I've found the best way to get what I want is to specifically say to him Honey I want this for my b/day. Then I point it out to him in the store. Heck, I've even gone as far as buying my own present, wrapping it and then having the kids tell him that's what they want to give me. Not as much fun, I know, but at least you get what you want. Or you can try the passive/aggressive- reverse psychology type. He gives you gifts he wants on your birthday, so do the same to him. On his birthday give him gifts you want!
I kind of get this. It sounds selfish to complain when someone gets you a gift because the fact is they spent money on you, so it seems rude. But sometimes someone gets you a gift and you wonder if they were hoping you'd give it back so they could use it.
The baseball tickets is a hard thing, especially if you don't usually watch it. I think the only thing to do would be to go, and if he asks if you enjoyed yourself say something like ';Thanks so much for the thought, but I am not sure baseball is really my thing. I really loved the gift though.'; That way he knows you appreciate the gift but maybe not do that again.
Try to look at the lingerie as somethig he was hoping to share with you. He thought it would look good on you, he wants to see his woman looking sexy for him. You want to look good for him right?
You sound like such a baby. You are selfish and yes expecting too much. Your also very controlling. Why can't you love this man for who he is? Do you honestly think that if he gave you a gift that you demanded and requested that it would have any meaning. Accept what he gives you from who he is not from who you want him to be. Most men don't get into the whole thing of gift giving, shopping etc. I think that he gave you lingerie and baseball tickets was a sweet gesture on his part and you didn't even appreciate it. This is sad to me. I feel so sorry for your husband who seems to never be able to please his demanding wife.
I don't think he is selfish necessarily. Maybe he gets you things he would like because he believes that you would like it. You haven't been married that long. My husband is not the best gift giver and I am okay with that. You may have to be crystal clear about what you want for birthdays/holidays. Write a list for him and tell him ';here are some ideas of what I might want';.
Men sometimes just don't get it and needs us to help them along.
This is what you do. BUY the gift you want, MAKE THE RESERVATIONS at the place you want to go, and WRAP the gift for him to give to you at the restaurant.
If he isn't good enough for you, then do it all for him. You'll probably have to do a lot of ';taking care of yourself'; anyway.
Tell him that you are making an appointment for him at the doctor as he appears to have unusual memory problems. Most people remember stuff after being told once or twice.
If this is not his problem, you need to have a sit down with him and talk to him about what he expects. It's plain selfishness IMHO.
he's still new at this. try not to be too upset. the new guys always thing lingerie is a good gift. FOR THEM! the ball game? well, maybe he really thought you'd enjoy it. i wouldn't call him selfish, just a bit clueless. he'll get better in time
I'd be happy with lingerie and tickets to a Sox game.
Stop being such an ungrateful primadonna. It's the thought that counts.
Im not married but my parents do the same thing. My mom just drops hints on my dad.
He sounds a bit selfish. Hint at things you want/like.
Men rarely give good gifts.Get the money he is gona spend on you and buy your own gift,it's a lot better that way.
he never gave you ONE gift before you got married?
he suddenly sprung this shitty gift-giving thing on you AFTER the ceremony?
*you* married him - *you* potty train him.
or you can just whine all day about him not being Prince Edward. because the whining solves so much.
oh so you add you dropped 20 hints.
so you fell in love with and married a - - - how did you describe him? dense inconsiderate incompetent asshole? boy can you pick 'em, honey!
By the way, cupcake, it's spelled THAI food so perhaps next year he can look it up correctly.
****************
Dirty Liberal, much to the horror of Val X, I think I might be falling in love with you.
Finally, I am going to get married. Any advice please ?
2 Point-seekers do not need to answer to this question, as I am very serious and not in a mood to enjoy jokes.Finally, I am going to get married. Any advice please ?
Got this message in a seminar, don't read it if you're an athiest;
The peacefulness and harmony of a home should rest upon God, for it is He who instituted merriage and family from the beggining. One must make sure that a home is founded on reverence of the Lord God. Directed by obedience to His word, guided by hope in His promises and sheltered by faith in His power
A good father must be able to manage his own family well and make his children obey him with all respect but should not abuse parental authority so as to provoke his children to anger
In my own view, you and your bride will undergo some dramatic changes. Be clever enough not to lead these changes to misunderstanding. Merriage is a lifetime partnership. start it right, have faith in each other and God will take care of the rest. Good luck wise man but I am wiser than you heheheFinally, I am going to get married. Any advice please ?
My only advice for you is to love your spouse with all your heart. Make sure you have no past regrets about prior relatioships. Remember to communicate. Spend as much time you can with your spouse. Respect each other and appreciate each other. Congrats and good luck. Best wishes.
well I would love to give you some advice on getting married seeing as how i just got married a couple months ago; however I need some more information. What exactly do you need advice on? The location, honeymoon, rings. Need info
always communicate. Communication is the secret key.
Communication and honesty, NEVER ever do the smallest thing that could make her loose trust in you, if you are found to lie about the small things she will always suspect you, with no trust there is no relationship. Also try to remember to tell her if she looks good, or you have a rush of feeling for her. Don't keep things to yourself, which brings us back to communication!! Good luck
Apparently you have waited a lot of years before actually taking your walk down the aisle? Then you will probably have an awesome marriage...and having never been married before you won't be bringing any baggage into the relationship...so that is awesome...That alone gives a couple a head start in a marriage. Just remember to always kiss each other goodnight even if you are angry with each other. Never let a day pass that you don't show your love for one another. Congratulations and Good Luck!
Be honest and truthful and always communicate with your wife, love her unconditionally and show her your love always.
Getting married huh? Great!!! My advice is this. Never ask for anything of your wife that you wouldn't do yourself. When you have an argument and you will let her know you are angry but you still love her and it is not the end of the world. Praise her sincerely for what she does. Occasionally (at least once a week) tell her she is so beautiful, you picked the best one for you, she is perfect for you, find little things to complement her on. Like her toes or hands or stomach whether thin or large.
Take time to make sex the best for her because if it is great for her then she will do all kinds of things to please you.
Never ever cheat and never give her a reason to suspect you will. Always try new things. My husband cannot swim and is scared of water but I took him kayaking. It was a trip of a life time. The most enjoyable thing we have done so far. So never stop trying new things it makes life exciting.
one word: pre-nup
Communication is key
OMG.....well congrats......i'm getting married too......yey.....lol
Friendship is key.
You need to know two words. And these words are VERY VERY important, in fact they might be the most important two words in your marriage.
They are : Yes dear!
This is not a joke and I am not trying to get an easy two points. If you want to have any peace in your marriage learn those words.
Congratulations and good luck
Ask her all the ';what ifs'; up front. Like if she gains 50 lbs, are to stay faithful, If she decides she doesn't feel like working anymore will she then take care of the house and all that goes along with that. Just make sure that you both understand that things will change alot more than you may think. Find out what changes she plans on YOU making.Find out what changes she will be making. Things like a sex schedule for when you both have a hard time making time for it. Trust me, a bigger problem than you might think. Good Luck and just ask what if.
Don't................................!!! why are you doing it.......???
You think its the grown thing to do.......???
Comon..........!!!?!?!?!?! What makes you wan't to get married.......??? Why can't you just be together.......??
Its the same thing............!!!
be faithful to your wife and marry with whom you love her really and she loves you too. best wishes!
The fact that you are even asking this question should tell you something. People rush into marriage too fast and they almost always end up in a bad divorce. Take your time and make sure there is water in the pool before you jump in
dont!
why did you ask that? now i'm going to really explain you somethingand when a woman talks you can't stop her even if you try ! it depends on the woman you chose to be your wife...don't be a jerk ; don't ignore her to flirt with other women she will remember and dump you when you least expect it ; don't try to pick up girls when she is around ! trust me women notice, not all of them say what they notice though :D be careful women nowadays can leave just like that ! and there is no turning back once you made her very upset ! so the main advice is : always think before you act
Congratulations. The only advice I can give may not be worth anything because I would say live together for a few years first. My wife and I lived together for 10 years before we got married. Relationships are easy to fall into but are difficult to get out of once they are under legal sanction. If you already know each other very well and are in love, then that's what people do. They get married, presumably have children, and make a life together. Good luck.
make sure this is the right one and make sure you kill all doubts by having an open conversation with her.
Communication is key....I've been married for almost a year.
Congratulations by the way!
well, the only advice I can give, is if you don't feel it is right, or you are not happy... do not waste years hoping it will work out. You will hate yourself for it. On the other side of the argument, really, if you two are very happy I bless you... just remember that no one is perfect, and nothing is worth fighting about... you can never take back something once you have said it... it is really hard.
get laid as much as u can b4 u get married lol jk
so to answer ur question hmmm think about a prenp
Got this message in a seminar, don't read it if you're an athiest;
The peacefulness and harmony of a home should rest upon God, for it is He who instituted merriage and family from the beggining. One must make sure that a home is founded on reverence of the Lord God. Directed by obedience to His word, guided by hope in His promises and sheltered by faith in His power
A good father must be able to manage his own family well and make his children obey him with all respect but should not abuse parental authority so as to provoke his children to anger
In my own view, you and your bride will undergo some dramatic changes. Be clever enough not to lead these changes to misunderstanding. Merriage is a lifetime partnership. start it right, have faith in each other and God will take care of the rest. Good luck wise man but I am wiser than you heheheFinally, I am going to get married. Any advice please ?
My only advice for you is to love your spouse with all your heart. Make sure you have no past regrets about prior relatioships. Remember to communicate. Spend as much time you can with your spouse. Respect each other and appreciate each other. Congrats and good luck. Best wishes.
well I would love to give you some advice on getting married seeing as how i just got married a couple months ago; however I need some more information. What exactly do you need advice on? The location, honeymoon, rings. Need info
always communicate. Communication is the secret key.
Communication and honesty, NEVER ever do the smallest thing that could make her loose trust in you, if you are found to lie about the small things she will always suspect you, with no trust there is no relationship. Also try to remember to tell her if she looks good, or you have a rush of feeling for her. Don't keep things to yourself, which brings us back to communication!! Good luck
Apparently you have waited a lot of years before actually taking your walk down the aisle? Then you will probably have an awesome marriage...and having never been married before you won't be bringing any baggage into the relationship...so that is awesome...That alone gives a couple a head start in a marriage. Just remember to always kiss each other goodnight even if you are angry with each other. Never let a day pass that you don't show your love for one another. Congratulations and Good Luck!
Be honest and truthful and always communicate with your wife, love her unconditionally and show her your love always.
Getting married huh? Great!!! My advice is this. Never ask for anything of your wife that you wouldn't do yourself. When you have an argument and you will let her know you are angry but you still love her and it is not the end of the world. Praise her sincerely for what she does. Occasionally (at least once a week) tell her she is so beautiful, you picked the best one for you, she is perfect for you, find little things to complement her on. Like her toes or hands or stomach whether thin or large.
Take time to make sex the best for her because if it is great for her then she will do all kinds of things to please you.
Never ever cheat and never give her a reason to suspect you will. Always try new things. My husband cannot swim and is scared of water but I took him kayaking. It was a trip of a life time. The most enjoyable thing we have done so far. So never stop trying new things it makes life exciting.
one word: pre-nup
Communication is key
OMG.....well congrats......i'm getting married too......yey.....lol
Friendship is key.
You need to know two words. And these words are VERY VERY important, in fact they might be the most important two words in your marriage.
They are : Yes dear!
This is not a joke and I am not trying to get an easy two points. If you want to have any peace in your marriage learn those words.
Congratulations and good luck
Ask her all the ';what ifs'; up front. Like if she gains 50 lbs, are to stay faithful, If she decides she doesn't feel like working anymore will she then take care of the house and all that goes along with that. Just make sure that you both understand that things will change alot more than you may think. Find out what changes she plans on YOU making.Find out what changes she will be making. Things like a sex schedule for when you both have a hard time making time for it. Trust me, a bigger problem than you might think. Good Luck and just ask what if.
Don't................................!!! why are you doing it.......???
You think its the grown thing to do.......???
Comon..........!!!?!?!?!?! What makes you wan't to get married.......??? Why can't you just be together.......??
Its the same thing............!!!
be faithful to your wife and marry with whom you love her really and she loves you too. best wishes!
The fact that you are even asking this question should tell you something. People rush into marriage too fast and they almost always end up in a bad divorce. Take your time and make sure there is water in the pool before you jump in
dont!
why did you ask that? now i'm going to really explain you somethingand when a woman talks you can't stop her even if you try ! it depends on the woman you chose to be your wife...don't be a jerk ; don't ignore her to flirt with other women she will remember and dump you when you least expect it ; don't try to pick up girls when she is around ! trust me women notice, not all of them say what they notice though :D be careful women nowadays can leave just like that ! and there is no turning back once you made her very upset ! so the main advice is : always think before you act
Congratulations. The only advice I can give may not be worth anything because I would say live together for a few years first. My wife and I lived together for 10 years before we got married. Relationships are easy to fall into but are difficult to get out of once they are under legal sanction. If you already know each other very well and are in love, then that's what people do. They get married, presumably have children, and make a life together. Good luck.
make sure this is the right one and make sure you kill all doubts by having an open conversation with her.
Communication is key....I've been married for almost a year.
Congratulations by the way!
well, the only advice I can give, is if you don't feel it is right, or you are not happy... do not waste years hoping it will work out. You will hate yourself for it. On the other side of the argument, really, if you two are very happy I bless you... just remember that no one is perfect, and nothing is worth fighting about... you can never take back something once you have said it... it is really hard.
get laid as much as u can b4 u get married lol jk
so to answer ur question hmmm think about a prenp
I married a British Citizen. Now What? Advice?
I married a man from England in Feb. I am currently living with him in England. I am not able to work because I am here only on a travel visa (6 months.) We will be moving to the States when our paperwork moves forward.
First question:
1. What can I do so I may work within England until we move back? Is this process easy and fast?
2. How long will my hubands J1 work visa take?
3. When we have children in the USA, I know that my children will become American Citizens, but, will they have duel citizenship in England?
4. Where is the best country to consider having my children?
Thanks a million for your responses. What a difficult and long process this has become.I married a British Citizen. Now What? Advice?
1 take a baby sitting job
2about six month
3 they can have dual citizenship
4 in england, you just have to register them with the USembassyI married a British Citizen. Now What? Advice?
1. no idea
2. No idea.
3. Yes to dual citizenship
4. My belief is the USA
First question:
1. What can I do so I may work within England until we move back? Is this process easy and fast?
2. How long will my hubands J1 work visa take?
3. When we have children in the USA, I know that my children will become American Citizens, but, will they have duel citizenship in England?
4. Where is the best country to consider having my children?
Thanks a million for your responses. What a difficult and long process this has become.I married a British Citizen. Now What? Advice?
1 take a baby sitting job
2about six month
3 they can have dual citizenship
4 in england, you just have to register them with the USembassyI married a British Citizen. Now What? Advice?
1. no idea
2. No idea.
3. Yes to dual citizenship
4. My belief is the USA
Has Anyone ever gotten married on Guam? Any advice/tips?
For anyone who has been married on Guam: We want to go to Guam to get married, and any advice/ tips would be greatly appreciate! Thanks!Has Anyone ever gotten married on Guam? Any advice/tips?
Hi I'm Guamanian and it's not a boring place, Here you go, the best places to have your Wedding.Has Anyone ever gotten married on Guam? Any advice/tips?
I've been there before, in regards of getting married, please check the website for more info and guide below. I think Guam is a nice place, many Japanese tourists like to have their wedding or honeymoon there too.
btw, best wishes!
Guam is very small and boring. I think there's all of two cities on the entire island.
you can check out
Hi I'm Guamanian and it's not a boring place, Here you go, the best places to have your Wedding.Has Anyone ever gotten married on Guam? Any advice/tips?
I've been there before, in regards of getting married, please check the website for more info and guide below. I think Guam is a nice place, many Japanese tourists like to have their wedding or honeymoon there too.
btw, best wishes!
Guam is very small and boring. I think there's all of two cities on the entire island.
you can check out
What is your advice in keeping a married strong and sacred?
marry a priestWhat is your advice in keeping a married strong and sacred?
need a link as cant find your user name on 360
What is your advice in keeping a married strong and sacred?
HONESTY AND TRUST!!!
OH AND GOOD SEX!!
Keep him happy ,keep him fed, always be there for him and always put him first in your relationship.... and always talk things out
Honesty, Understanding, but most of all Communication!
1. Good communication
2. Sex at a level agreeable to both
3. Good money management.
COMMUNICATION is the key
Honesty is definitely needed in a strong marriage but I also think it's so important to take time to reconnect - do special things together. It's really easy to get caught up in the demands of life as well as being super comfortable with a person. When those things happen it's easy to take a person for granted.
honest good or bad be honest
talking, sharing your feelings, and honesty, tell that person you love them everday just once is alot said. don't keep secrets. set time for you and him an hour or so a day and just talk, talk about your day talk about the weather, the kids whatever it is just talk, and dont go to bed angry talk it out before you hit that bed. never go to bed angry cause you can never take back what you said out of anger and that can be the only things you have said if something was to happen to you or him so never go to bed angry get out and over with. Just learn to love eachother everday like you just meet and your heart is beating fast and your palms or sweaty, and you just feel the love.
honesty....
Building trust and confidence in each other.... should not believe what you have not seen but heard.. seeing is believing and lastly understanding and forgiving from both the parties
Falling in love is always magical, and feels as if it will last forever. But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women.
Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can more successfully give and receive the love that is in our hearts. Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
For example: When a woman is emotionally distressed, she most often NEEDS to talk in order to feel better. A man mistakenly assumes that if she is to feel better, she needs some solitary time just like he does. He will tend to ignore her and give her lots of space because that is precisely the kind of support he would want. To ignore her, however, is the worst thing he can do.
Men cope with stress differently. A man sorts out his thoughts and concerns, clarifies his values and priorities, and develops a plan of action. It gives him a sense of security. If a man can put his feelings into action (not words), he begins to feel more in control. He can find the same relief a woman might feel through talking. Inevitably, when a man resists conversation and a woman doesn't understand his NEED to be alone to recuperate from the day, she will have a variety of misinterpretations and begin to panic. If a woman is to support a man in coming back to the relationship, her job description requires her to understand this difference and accept his need for space.
The best advice I could possibly give someone to keep a strong and sacred marriage is to invest the time into finding out your differences and using that gained knowledge to better equipt yourself with the understanding and respect that you and your mate should have for each other.
Be honest with each other...tell each other that you LOVE them... don't be afraid to hold hands or show affection in public...communicate...never go to bed angry!
Keep the Lock clear...
church and praying together..
communication! If you have it, you can ';feel'; for both sides. If not, you are left wondering what he/she thinks!
I will tell you about my parents marriage. They are each others best friends. I learned at an early age, that if they had to choose one of us kids over each other, we would very sadly lose. They are each others number 1! They accept each other exactly how the other person was. For instance, my mom LOVES hockey, my dad HATE the TV! But he never bit**ed about her hockey, but she never complained abou this hunting or drinking.....they have equal respect for each other. Sickness and in health, richer or poorer. For every reason that is right! I tried marrying that way. I believed that my marriage was for life. Unfortunately, my husband didn't believe it. They have had good times, great times, and horrible times. They didn't just throw in the towel during the horrible times, they both equally worked at it and worked at it and worked at it. They never gave up on each other,, NEVER. The fact that they are now in their 70's, and still ';fresh'; with each other, as in bum pats, and kisses on the neck, I grin whenever I see it!! I think it's awesome. Funny thing is though, all of my brothers and sister ended up in divorce. I think we all thought we could have that marriage. That marriage is very unusual, and very rare. They're lucky!
time spent with each other and no one else, hubby and i do this at the very least 1 time per year and date night each month
Men are always going to have temptation. You can't have a leash on them and that is no way to live anyway. The chances of a man cheating are above 75% in a marriage. It is up to the man to say no but most don't. They will lie before destroying their marriage. You can only control yourself and what you do.
never tell a lie, even a little one/
don't even stop talkin........... 3 simple words I LOVE YOU said daily.......
LOVE %26amp; RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!
I agree with the poster who said pray and go to church together.
Respect each other, communicate well and have a sense of humor.
the key to a good foundation is trust. know your partner well and agree on what you want out of the relationship.
my partner and i were friends for a year before we ever got together. we knew each other as friends before anything physical ever happened.
we respect each other. we talk about anything and everything. we both have the same morals. when we got together, we had a long heart to heart about what we wanted and we were honest about it.
id have to say. trust, respect, being truthful no matter how hard that can be. we talk. we have good communication. we arent afraid of what the other is going to say in the long run. and we genuinely like each other for who we are. there are no illusions for either of us.
Respect.
Communication
Compromise
Understanding
Listening
Patience
need a link as cant find your user name on 360
Report Abuse
What is your advice in keeping a married strong and sacred?
HONESTY AND TRUST!!!
OH AND GOOD SEX!!
Keep him happy ,keep him fed, always be there for him and always put him first in your relationship.... and always talk things out
Honesty, Understanding, but most of all Communication!
1. Good communication
2. Sex at a level agreeable to both
3. Good money management.
COMMUNICATION is the key
Honesty is definitely needed in a strong marriage but I also think it's so important to take time to reconnect - do special things together. It's really easy to get caught up in the demands of life as well as being super comfortable with a person. When those things happen it's easy to take a person for granted.
honest good or bad be honest
talking, sharing your feelings, and honesty, tell that person you love them everday just once is alot said. don't keep secrets. set time for you and him an hour or so a day and just talk, talk about your day talk about the weather, the kids whatever it is just talk, and dont go to bed angry talk it out before you hit that bed. never go to bed angry cause you can never take back what you said out of anger and that can be the only things you have said if something was to happen to you or him so never go to bed angry get out and over with. Just learn to love eachother everday like you just meet and your heart is beating fast and your palms or sweaty, and you just feel the love.
honesty....
Building trust and confidence in each other.... should not believe what you have not seen but heard.. seeing is believing and lastly understanding and forgiving from both the parties
Falling in love is always magical, and feels as if it will last forever. But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women.
Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can more successfully give and receive the love that is in our hearts. Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
For example: When a woman is emotionally distressed, she most often NEEDS to talk in order to feel better. A man mistakenly assumes that if she is to feel better, she needs some solitary time just like he does. He will tend to ignore her and give her lots of space because that is precisely the kind of support he would want. To ignore her, however, is the worst thing he can do.
Men cope with stress differently. A man sorts out his thoughts and concerns, clarifies his values and priorities, and develops a plan of action. It gives him a sense of security. If a man can put his feelings into action (not words), he begins to feel more in control. He can find the same relief a woman might feel through talking. Inevitably, when a man resists conversation and a woman doesn't understand his NEED to be alone to recuperate from the day, she will have a variety of misinterpretations and begin to panic. If a woman is to support a man in coming back to the relationship, her job description requires her to understand this difference and accept his need for space.
The best advice I could possibly give someone to keep a strong and sacred marriage is to invest the time into finding out your differences and using that gained knowledge to better equipt yourself with the understanding and respect that you and your mate should have for each other.
Be honest with each other...tell each other that you LOVE them... don't be afraid to hold hands or show affection in public...communicate...never go to bed angry!
Keep the Lock clear...
church and praying together..
communication! If you have it, you can ';feel'; for both sides. If not, you are left wondering what he/she thinks!
I will tell you about my parents marriage. They are each others best friends. I learned at an early age, that if they had to choose one of us kids over each other, we would very sadly lose. They are each others number 1! They accept each other exactly how the other person was. For instance, my mom LOVES hockey, my dad HATE the TV! But he never bit**ed about her hockey, but she never complained abou this hunting or drinking.....they have equal respect for each other. Sickness and in health, richer or poorer. For every reason that is right! I tried marrying that way. I believed that my marriage was for life. Unfortunately, my husband didn't believe it. They have had good times, great times, and horrible times. They didn't just throw in the towel during the horrible times, they both equally worked at it and worked at it and worked at it. They never gave up on each other,, NEVER. The fact that they are now in their 70's, and still ';fresh'; with each other, as in bum pats, and kisses on the neck, I grin whenever I see it!! I think it's awesome. Funny thing is though, all of my brothers and sister ended up in divorce. I think we all thought we could have that marriage. That marriage is very unusual, and very rare. They're lucky!
time spent with each other and no one else, hubby and i do this at the very least 1 time per year and date night each month
Men are always going to have temptation. You can't have a leash on them and that is no way to live anyway. The chances of a man cheating are above 75% in a marriage. It is up to the man to say no but most don't. They will lie before destroying their marriage. You can only control yourself and what you do.
never tell a lie, even a little one/
don't even stop talkin........... 3 simple words I LOVE YOU said daily.......
LOVE %26amp; RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!
I agree with the poster who said pray and go to church together.
Respect each other, communicate well and have a sense of humor.
the key to a good foundation is trust. know your partner well and agree on what you want out of the relationship.
my partner and i were friends for a year before we ever got together. we knew each other as friends before anything physical ever happened.
we respect each other. we talk about anything and everything. we both have the same morals. when we got together, we had a long heart to heart about what we wanted and we were honest about it.
id have to say. trust, respect, being truthful no matter how hard that can be. we talk. we have good communication. we arent afraid of what the other is going to say in the long run. and we genuinely like each other for who we are. there are no illusions for either of us.
Respect.
Communication
Compromise
Understanding
Listening
Patience
Married and pregnant - this is short, need advice?
I am about to go on lunch in a few minutes.
What should I eat that is quick and easy and will fill me up for the afternoon?
I am pregnant and trying not to over indulge. Need a good fast food place!!!Married and pregnant - this is short, need advice?
Quiznos healthy subs! I suggest the Veggie. It's delicious and healthy!Married and pregnant - this is short, need advice?
Congratulations!
My wife is pregnant, and we are going through this stuff too. Let me share you some of what she eats: Yogurt with blueberries, spinach and cottage cheese (low fat, low sodium, high iron, high vitamin D).
Stay away from fast food.
YOU CAN STILL EAT WHAT WAS GOOD FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERENT AND NOW YES YOU ARE WITH BABY BUT IT DONT MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT BIGGER OR MORE JUST EAT WHATS GOOD FOFR YOU AND IF NEED BE CARRY SNACKS WITH YOU SUCH AS BROCCOLLI AND CARROTS AND PEANUT BUTTER AND CELERY STICKS ITS HEALTHY AND IT FILLS YOU UP ON THE GO. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS
PANERA...their sandwiches and soups are usually healthy!!!
McDonalds salad
Wendy's baked potato (really good)
Wendys ultimate grilled chicken and a ceasar side sallad bottle of water
if you have a jack in the box near you they have an awesome acapulco chicken salad.
You could do chipolte and get one of there salads.
Slim Fast. Seriously, the chocolate ones are awesome!
i use to eat tuna melt sandwiches from quickchek
ahhh...pregnancy--the only time i could eat like a beast and people would think it's cute--ahhhhhh
Wendy's they have great salad and chicken sandwiches
Subway!!!! :)
Burger King has good salads
Go anywhere and have a grilled chicken salad with light dressing and drink water or juice and get a fruit or yogurt.
Do not go to Panera as someone suggested..they are not healthy at all...their turkey sandwich is SO high in fat.
Eat a wendy's grilled chicken sandwich, with a side salad or yogurt on the side.
Mcdonalds vanilla ice cream cone is actually one of the healthiest things in there!
a grilled chicken sandwich with mandarin oranges or fries is always tastey :)
Chick-fil-a is a great place to get food.
Subway
Wendy's has some great salads
Subway has good low-fat subs
Chick Fil A has a yummy grilled chicken sandwich
I don't know where you live, but around here Boston Market might be a good choice. You can get lean protein and veggies and milk. BTW -- congratulations.
Mc Donalds...salad and ice teaskin treatment psoriasis treatment
What should I eat that is quick and easy and will fill me up for the afternoon?
I am pregnant and trying not to over indulge. Need a good fast food place!!!Married and pregnant - this is short, need advice?
Quiznos healthy subs! I suggest the Veggie. It's delicious and healthy!Married and pregnant - this is short, need advice?
Congratulations!
My wife is pregnant, and we are going through this stuff too. Let me share you some of what she eats: Yogurt with blueberries, spinach and cottage cheese (low fat, low sodium, high iron, high vitamin D).
Stay away from fast food.
YOU CAN STILL EAT WHAT WAS GOOD FOR YOU WHEN YOU WERENT AND NOW YES YOU ARE WITH BABY BUT IT DONT MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT BIGGER OR MORE JUST EAT WHATS GOOD FOFR YOU AND IF NEED BE CARRY SNACKS WITH YOU SUCH AS BROCCOLLI AND CARROTS AND PEANUT BUTTER AND CELERY STICKS ITS HEALTHY AND IT FILLS YOU UP ON THE GO. GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS
PANERA...their sandwiches and soups are usually healthy!!!
McDonalds salad
Wendy's baked potato (really good)
Wendys ultimate grilled chicken and a ceasar side sallad bottle of water
if you have a jack in the box near you they have an awesome acapulco chicken salad.
You could do chipolte and get one of there salads.
Slim Fast. Seriously, the chocolate ones are awesome!
i use to eat tuna melt sandwiches from quickchek
ahhh...pregnancy--the only time i could eat like a beast and people would think it's cute--ahhhhhh
Wendy's they have great salad and chicken sandwiches
Subway!!!! :)
Burger King has good salads
Go anywhere and have a grilled chicken salad with light dressing and drink water or juice and get a fruit or yogurt.
Do not go to Panera as someone suggested..they are not healthy at all...their turkey sandwich is SO high in fat.
Eat a wendy's grilled chicken sandwich, with a side salad or yogurt on the side.
Mcdonalds vanilla ice cream cone is actually one of the healthiest things in there!
a grilled chicken sandwich with mandarin oranges or fries is always tastey :)
Chick-fil-a is a great place to get food.
Subway
Wendy's has some great salads
Subway has good low-fat subs
Chick Fil A has a yummy grilled chicken sandwich
I don't know where you live, but around here Boston Market might be a good choice. You can get lean protein and veggies and milk. BTW -- congratulations.
Mc Donalds...salad and ice tea
Do married women get much good advice about their relationship with their husband from their mom?
My wife's mother died before I met my wife. At times I wonder if not having a mother to go to about marital conflicts makes it harder on my wife.Do married women get much good advice about their relationship with their husband from their mom?
WELL I THINK IT DEPENDS ON THE MOM ANS WHAT KIND OF ADVICE SHE WOULD GIVE B/C WHEN MY MOM GIVES ME ADVICE SOME IS GOOD AND SOME IS BADDo married women get much good advice about their relationship with their husband from their mom?
I'm sure it does, but honestly there are a lot of bad mother-in-laws out there. Sometimes, they cause a lot of relationship trouble by their words of wisdom. I hope she has someone else to talk to, though, because times do get hard when you're married. It was always nice to complain to my mom about my ex hubby, but all that did was make her not like him. So, just be there for your wife, and if it seems like she gets down or aggrevated or something, just be patient with her.
My mom and dad's marriage was a constant battle over money and bills. My parents were married 53 years. My entire childhood I wished they would divorce, but dad didn't believe in it.
I would never go to my mom for help in any relationship. I turned to my older sister once or twice, but most of the time I talked to friends my age.
It depends on how old she was when her mother died, but in general women do get great advice from their mother's, if they are not troubled themselves. I would say, if she's missing her mother because she needs advice about marital problems, then she should ask her dad. Especially if her parents had a loving, happy relationship before her mother's death. Plus her dad can give her insight into how a man thinks, but still have his baby girl's heart in mind.
Actually it makes it easier if one should have a medling mother. I don't talk to my mother about my marriage and didn't when I was married the first time. I like it that way.
It all depends on what type of person her mum was. I would never ask mine for ANY advice. She has been married 3 times and all 3 were abusive relationships!
Mothers try but mine has never helped in that department.
it could but im sure she has plenty of friends that are married and she can talk to, see im married and i dont talk to my mother about this stuff cuz she never really liked my husband to begin with and if i were to say oh me and him had a fight i wud just hear i told u not to marry him and blah blah blah...in a way having a mom to talk to can be good but also bad.....im sure she has plenty of outlets and people to discuss this stuff with, maybe u can be supportive of her and really try to talk things out with her if u have an arguement, its sweet of u to be so concerned!
Personally I find it hard to go to my mother in law. If I didn't have my own my I would just go to my friends or my sisters. It depends on how close she is with your mother and if she feels like she could talk to your mom without her telling you everything she says.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX moms are great people to talk to but i rarely talk to my mom about my marriage. A girlfriend is a better choice. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I never go to my mom about marital conflicts, but I do ask my grandmother. It probably is hard for her not to have anyone to trun to when you two fight. But hopefully she has a good circle of freinds that she can trust.
WELL I THINK IT DEPENDS ON THE MOM ANS WHAT KIND OF ADVICE SHE WOULD GIVE B/C WHEN MY MOM GIVES ME ADVICE SOME IS GOOD AND SOME IS BADDo married women get much good advice about their relationship with their husband from their mom?
I'm sure it does, but honestly there are a lot of bad mother-in-laws out there. Sometimes, they cause a lot of relationship trouble by their words of wisdom. I hope she has someone else to talk to, though, because times do get hard when you're married. It was always nice to complain to my mom about my ex hubby, but all that did was make her not like him. So, just be there for your wife, and if it seems like she gets down or aggrevated or something, just be patient with her.
My mom and dad's marriage was a constant battle over money and bills. My parents were married 53 years. My entire childhood I wished they would divorce, but dad didn't believe in it.
I would never go to my mom for help in any relationship. I turned to my older sister once or twice, but most of the time I talked to friends my age.
It depends on how old she was when her mother died, but in general women do get great advice from their mother's, if they are not troubled themselves. I would say, if she's missing her mother because she needs advice about marital problems, then she should ask her dad. Especially if her parents had a loving, happy relationship before her mother's death. Plus her dad can give her insight into how a man thinks, but still have his baby girl's heart in mind.
Actually it makes it easier if one should have a medling mother. I don't talk to my mother about my marriage and didn't when I was married the first time. I like it that way.
It all depends on what type of person her mum was. I would never ask mine for ANY advice. She has been married 3 times and all 3 were abusive relationships!
Mothers try but mine has never helped in that department.
it could but im sure she has plenty of friends that are married and she can talk to, see im married and i dont talk to my mother about this stuff cuz she never really liked my husband to begin with and if i were to say oh me and him had a fight i wud just hear i told u not to marry him and blah blah blah...in a way having a mom to talk to can be good but also bad.....im sure she has plenty of outlets and people to discuss this stuff with, maybe u can be supportive of her and really try to talk things out with her if u have an arguement, its sweet of u to be so concerned!
Personally I find it hard to go to my mother in law. If I didn't have my own my I would just go to my friends or my sisters. It depends on how close she is with your mother and if she feels like she could talk to your mom without her telling you everything she says.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX moms are great people to talk to but i rarely talk to my mom about my marriage. A girlfriend is a better choice. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I never go to my mom about marital conflicts, but I do ask my grandmother. It probably is hard for her not to have anyone to trun to when you two fight. But hopefully she has a good circle of freinds that she can trust.
Advice from previously married moms?
Was it hard to leave? Did you have a job prior to the divorce? Did you postpone leaving because you were afraid? Did you feel hopeless?
I need advice.Advice from previously married moms?
I didn't leave. One day I was married raising my family and the next day my husband walked out. I did have a job but the bills don't go down just because you only have one income now. Was I scared, oh hell yes I was frightened. I didn't know what I was going to do, or how I was I going to deal with the children. I mean my world was upside down this wasn't how my life was supposed to be. But I also knew that I had to be ok. My kids depended on me to keep them safe and healthy so I just did what I had to do. I faced each day one at a time until I got passed the hurt and fear. I grew up a lot and learned a lot about myself. I didn't know I could be that strong. But I was and I am healthy, happy and doing well.
Good Luck
RedAdvice from previously married moms?
No it wasn't hard to leave, he was abusive. I was very afraid, I didn't have a job or any money to support me and my then 4 year old son. My parents had a house that they rented out, lucky for me it was empty so I had some place to go. I felt very hopeless, I had to get welfare I felt like I had hit rock bottom. About 6 months later I got a job as a Christmas helper at UPS, I just celebrated 12 years there. I'm remarried to a wonderful man and my son is a healthy happy teenager who is a starting middle line backer on the football team, he wrestles and has a 3.5 gpa. Looking back is easy now on how hard it was but it was worth it.
It wasn't hard to leave, just hard to let go of. No, I didn't have a job, for 2 years because I was raising a little one. I felt hopeless because I didn't know how I was going to survive. My ex and I worked out spousal support and child support, I got a job a few months later. Eventually it all worked itself out, but it was emotionally hard. Today, I am remarried, and we are all good friends. So I guess it worked out for the better. I wish you the best of luck with your situation, if you want to chat, feel free to email me :) keep your chin up!
I wasn't married, but we'd been together for a while, had a son together and lived together. So I can give some insight, just without the marriage certificate.
I chose to leave when my son was a little over a year old. We just didn't work in a relationship together, I was very affectionate, he was not, etc. It was a very hard decision to make and to this day, my son still asks why daddy and I don't live together. I didn't think it would affect him that much because he was so young, I just figured he'd grow up with us living separately and wouldn't know any different. Boy was I wrong. I was scared--it was just me and a baby against the world. But I had a great job, got my own place, and just made it work. Worked out an excellent co-parenting situation with my ex, as well as who would pay for what (we wanted to avoid an expensive court battle and we did). We are now great friends and he is great friends with my fiance. We talk everyday and my son has a great relationship with his dad and with my fiance. One big happy family, you could say. LOL
It'll be fine. It will suck at first and take some getting used to, but just know that you WILL be fine. Feel free to email me if you need any support. I've been there and would be glad to help you through it.
I've left two marriages; I have two children. It's not easy, but sometimes necessary. I have always been self-sufficient. My first husband was verbally abusive and had anger management issues; was mean to my son (not his child) . . . children put you in survival mode! I left my second husband because he wanted to BE the man, but wasn't. He wanted me to give up my independence, take care of three kids (we are blended - - 2 mine/1his), the house, pay the bills, cook, clean, sex, be his cheerleader and life coach, wanted me to be submissive and on and on, yet he never GAVE of himself or supported me in anyway! Wore me the hell out!! Screwed up my credit and my finances and put his child before me and my kids instead of treating the kids equally! I was never afraid to leave, I was pissed. I didn't feel hopeless, HE DOES! He's at home with his momma! The sad thing is I love this man, yet I refuse to tolerate the bullcrap so we can't be together. I'll take the loss! Just my thoughts!
To be honest with you I was afraid to move on, thinking there is no way I can do this on my own with three kids but to be honest, its been three years and have looked back ever since. Yes you have your bad days. But it was best for both me and my girls to leave a situation that was not good for either of us. Good Luck in your decision.
I need advice.Advice from previously married moms?
I didn't leave. One day I was married raising my family and the next day my husband walked out. I did have a job but the bills don't go down just because you only have one income now. Was I scared, oh hell yes I was frightened. I didn't know what I was going to do, or how I was I going to deal with the children. I mean my world was upside down this wasn't how my life was supposed to be. But I also knew that I had to be ok. My kids depended on me to keep them safe and healthy so I just did what I had to do. I faced each day one at a time until I got passed the hurt and fear. I grew up a lot and learned a lot about myself. I didn't know I could be that strong. But I was and I am healthy, happy and doing well.
Good Luck
RedAdvice from previously married moms?
No it wasn't hard to leave, he was abusive. I was very afraid, I didn't have a job or any money to support me and my then 4 year old son. My parents had a house that they rented out, lucky for me it was empty so I had some place to go. I felt very hopeless, I had to get welfare I felt like I had hit rock bottom. About 6 months later I got a job as a Christmas helper at UPS, I just celebrated 12 years there. I'm remarried to a wonderful man and my son is a healthy happy teenager who is a starting middle line backer on the football team, he wrestles and has a 3.5 gpa. Looking back is easy now on how hard it was but it was worth it.
It wasn't hard to leave, just hard to let go of. No, I didn't have a job, for 2 years because I was raising a little one. I felt hopeless because I didn't know how I was going to survive. My ex and I worked out spousal support and child support, I got a job a few months later. Eventually it all worked itself out, but it was emotionally hard. Today, I am remarried, and we are all good friends. So I guess it worked out for the better. I wish you the best of luck with your situation, if you want to chat, feel free to email me :) keep your chin up!
I wasn't married, but we'd been together for a while, had a son together and lived together. So I can give some insight, just without the marriage certificate.
I chose to leave when my son was a little over a year old. We just didn't work in a relationship together, I was very affectionate, he was not, etc. It was a very hard decision to make and to this day, my son still asks why daddy and I don't live together. I didn't think it would affect him that much because he was so young, I just figured he'd grow up with us living separately and wouldn't know any different. Boy was I wrong. I was scared--it was just me and a baby against the world. But I had a great job, got my own place, and just made it work. Worked out an excellent co-parenting situation with my ex, as well as who would pay for what (we wanted to avoid an expensive court battle and we did). We are now great friends and he is great friends with my fiance. We talk everyday and my son has a great relationship with his dad and with my fiance. One big happy family, you could say. LOL
It'll be fine. It will suck at first and take some getting used to, but just know that you WILL be fine. Feel free to email me if you need any support. I've been there and would be glad to help you through it.
I've left two marriages; I have two children. It's not easy, but sometimes necessary. I have always been self-sufficient. My first husband was verbally abusive and had anger management issues; was mean to my son (not his child) . . . children put you in survival mode! I left my second husband because he wanted to BE the man, but wasn't. He wanted me to give up my independence, take care of three kids (we are blended - - 2 mine/1his), the house, pay the bills, cook, clean, sex, be his cheerleader and life coach, wanted me to be submissive and on and on, yet he never GAVE of himself or supported me in anyway! Wore me the hell out!! Screwed up my credit and my finances and put his child before me and my kids instead of treating the kids equally! I was never afraid to leave, I was pissed. I didn't feel hopeless, HE DOES! He's at home with his momma! The sad thing is I love this man, yet I refuse to tolerate the bullcrap so we can't be together. I'll take the loss! Just my thoughts!
To be honest with you I was afraid to move on, thinking there is no way I can do this on my own with three kids but to be honest, its been three years and have looked back ever since. Yes you have your bad days. But it was best for both me and my girls to leave a situation that was not good for either of us. Good Luck in your decision.
Age to get married? Any Advice?
whats the best age to get married?Age to get married? Any Advice?
There is no correct age...I would say a person needs to the right mind frame more than anything else. Some people never mature, and others mature faster than average. I think it is different for everyone.Age to get married? Any Advice?
Few people are mature enough before the age of 20 or so to get married. But the real question is not one of age, but rather of maturity and responsibility, because marriage takes both. And if both partners are not sufficiently adult in their thinking and behavior, chances are that the marriage will fail. You would also be wise to take your time to get to know the other person, and not be faced with some big surprises after the wedding. I know people of 30 that shouldn't be married because they are immature and irresponsible.
If you can't imagine your life without the person you are thinking of marrying, then you are probably ready.
The average female marries at 26, male 27. I happened to find the right person and fit that average.
I've been married almost 3 years, and have a baby now. If this thought scares you, then you may want to wait.
around like mid to late 20's. I say that because before that you are still figuring out who you are, and what you want out of life. You learn soo much about yourself each year you live. Also at that age you should or just about be finished with college and have started a career, so you are stable and not trying to marry for stability. Also you won't be having kids at a time you are too tired to take care of them and you will be a decent age when you finish raising them.
It all depends on when you're ready. I would recommend waiting until you're both finished schooling, set in your career and financially stable.
Whenever you're legal and ready. But I think it's best to wait until both have graduated college and are both financially and emotionally stable.
The correct answer is ';Never'; if you'r a man and ';asap'; if you're a woman.
There is no set age but you need to be mature. For women age 23 and guys 25 I think is a good age
Best age? Let's see. I think 99 would be great.
50
at 25 or older
There is no correct age...I would say a person needs to the right mind frame more than anything else. Some people never mature, and others mature faster than average. I think it is different for everyone.Age to get married? Any Advice?
Few people are mature enough before the age of 20 or so to get married. But the real question is not one of age, but rather of maturity and responsibility, because marriage takes both. And if both partners are not sufficiently adult in their thinking and behavior, chances are that the marriage will fail. You would also be wise to take your time to get to know the other person, and not be faced with some big surprises after the wedding. I know people of 30 that shouldn't be married because they are immature and irresponsible.
If you can't imagine your life without the person you are thinking of marrying, then you are probably ready.
The average female marries at 26, male 27. I happened to find the right person and fit that average.
I've been married almost 3 years, and have a baby now. If this thought scares you, then you may want to wait.
around like mid to late 20's. I say that because before that you are still figuring out who you are, and what you want out of life. You learn soo much about yourself each year you live. Also at that age you should or just about be finished with college and have started a career, so you are stable and not trying to marry for stability. Also you won't be having kids at a time you are too tired to take care of them and you will be a decent age when you finish raising them.
It all depends on when you're ready. I would recommend waiting until you're both finished schooling, set in your career and financially stable.
Whenever you're legal and ready. But I think it's best to wait until both have graduated college and are both financially and emotionally stable.
The correct answer is ';Never'; if you'r a man and ';asap'; if you're a woman.
There is no set age but you need to be mature. For women age 23 and guys 25 I think is a good age
Best age? Let's see. I think 99 would be great.
50
at 25 or older
Employment advice on impact of extramarrital affair of very married business executive?
I am being used as a decoy to hide a business exec ';real'; affair with another woman at my work. business exec is married with kids and is moving his office mistress to my group while i am being encouraged to leave voluntarily because he is taking responsibilities away from me. If i don't leave, then he is putting me in the ';candidates recommended for lay-off'; pool. HR supports mgmnt. this guy is an expat from japan...H E L P !!!Employment advice on impact of extramarrital affair of very married business executive?
Is it paid leave? Press for that - some form of compensation. Or a good severance package above and beyond the norm. Alternate strategy: Start looking for new work now, and let them put you in for lay-off (which may also have lucrative severance.) Just get out before they lay you off so you don't have to worry about the *hole giving you a bad recommendation in this case.
But move on.
Do you really want to be working for someone who'd do that? It would be nice to get justice, or compensation, but dollars to doughnuts you'd never be able to prove it in a court of law.
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but Good luck!Employment advice on impact of extramarrital affair of very married business executive?
It's going to be your opinion against his. He'll claim he's moving you for performance related reasons, or something along those lines. Plus, if HR supports him there's not much you can do internally.
If you don't want to get a lawyer consider this. If he's going to play hardball you can too. I'm sure his wife would be very interested in your information.
Getting legal advice would be an option. Many attorneys will give you a free consultation.
Is it paid leave? Press for that - some form of compensation. Or a good severance package above and beyond the norm. Alternate strategy: Start looking for new work now, and let them put you in for lay-off (which may also have lucrative severance.) Just get out before they lay you off so you don't have to worry about the *hole giving you a bad recommendation in this case.
But move on.
Do you really want to be working for someone who'd do that? It would be nice to get justice, or compensation, but dollars to doughnuts you'd never be able to prove it in a court of law.
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but Good luck!Employment advice on impact of extramarrital affair of very married business executive?
It's going to be your opinion against his. He'll claim he's moving you for performance related reasons, or something along those lines. Plus, if HR supports him there's not much you can do internally.
If you don't want to get a lawyer consider this. If he's going to play hardball you can too. I'm sure his wife would be very interested in your information.
Getting legal advice would be an option. Many attorneys will give you a free consultation.
I need advice: married, falling in love with someone else....?
Before you judge, please know a bit more about what's going on: I've been married for 4 yrs and I love him, it's just ending... I feel it, so does he. We've even talked to a divorce lawyer. We're just two different people headed in two different directions, plus... our past is bad. Very bad. He's still working on an anger problem that has made me fear for my life more than a few times. I don't really have friends these days, they're all his friends, so I started looking for people to chat with online (just to chat) I was getting so lonely. My husband would go out til all hrs of the night drinking and leave me alone... so I was just looking for friendship. I think I accidently found more: he's far away, 1200 miles to be exact, all the way across the sea in the UK (I'm in the US) talking to him is like filling something I'm missing, he makes me laugh. Im starting to care for him a lot, and he is too. We've even talked on the phone a couple of times. If my husband divorced me todayI need advice: married, falling in love with someone else....?
cheatI need advice: married, falling in love with someone else....?
ok, forget about the other guy for a minute.
It sounds like you're in a bad marriage with an abusive drinker. If you fear for your life, you don't need to be in that marriage. Start saving up NOW and go ahead and get that divorce as soon as you can.
Only when you're finally free of your husband will you be able to truly decide if the other guy is simply a safety net because you're afraid of being alone or if it's real.
You really really need to think about yourself. If your husband is so bad, you don't owe him anything. Get out of the house now. If he's made you fear for your life ever, you need to get out. Your Internet pal is just an escape for you and is keeping you from dealing with the reality, depending on him to make things right in your life. It's your life and only you can do it!
You need to GO. What do you mean ';if my husband would divorce me today...'; can't you divorce him? I think being with him is coloring your reality and it will effect future relationships the longer you stay with him. Get outta there TODAY.
One thing at a time, hon. First, realize the marriage is over, if for no other reason than abuse.
Then don't go wandering off to the other side of the planet to find love. Long distance relationships barely last 6 months after you meet. Just divorce the guy, and seek your options...... Yahoo personals, Match, e-Harmony, are great place to meet nice people... (and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church).
(psst.... am happy for you that you had no kids with this guy... woulda been a biiiig mistake.
';Falling in love'; - people like to make it sound like it's out of their control.
You make *hundreds* of conscious decisions to be in love - to spend time with someone, to call them, to talk to them, to feel a certain way, to kiss them, to sleep with them, to allow yourself to be alone with them, to lie to your husband about what you are doing, %26amp; more.
Please don't give us that ';falling in love'; crapola like it's beyond your control.
You CHOSE to be with this guy.
I went through something similar, though without the long-distance relationship in the wings, so I understand where you are and what you're going through. If we were talking over coffee, the main advice I'd have is to visit him (or have him visit you) several times and get to know each other in person before doing anything as permanent as moving. If it still seems like it could be a good relationship, have him help you find a job over there first, so that you won't be completely on your own once you move, and so that you still have options if the relationship doesn't work out.
Well, internet people are not always what you think they are. Before you consider running off to Neverland, please get to know this fella more. Maybe a visit (once you have filed for the divorce and are moving on) would be cool.
But I would first try to heal myself and get over the current situation you are in. It sounds like you have not put your feelings to rest with your husband. If he does treat you badly and you want out, then you need to move on but be catuious in the future.
It may be a different experience with a man than a woman, but I've fallen in love over the Internet four times so far, and in every case, the reality of actually being together wasn't very close to the fantasy world of chat, email, and phone. I'd suggest not burning any bridges or making any commitments on the basis of long-distance-only communications. Do go ahead and split from your husband if that's appropriate for that relationship, but don't do it in order to be with the guy in the UK, at least not before you've spent some time together in person.
Well by definition of many you are already cheating. It sounds to me like your mind is already made up....Why are you asking the question?
Been in your situation. All Im going to say is it is complicated. If you want to talk ...please contact me through my profile. I will be more than happy to share in private but the story is very personal.
I totally understand you sweetie! You should find love again! If things are not working for you two then there is no reason to beat around the bush! Find you a man, wait sounds like you have =D I would keep talking to this guy and maybe you guys will fall even more in love.
Its probably for the best that you move on and find someone that makes you feel wanted and good. I say more power to you honey!
Lets say you and your husand follow through and get a divorce. It seems like your already on that path since you've been talking to a divorce lawyer. I'm not here to judge and I dont think its right for anyone else to either. I do have a question though.. Why are you automatically contemplating on moving there to be with him. He couldn't come here to the U.S?
How long have you been talking to this guy for? Maybe the lack of attention you were getting from your husband is making it seem like this guy is such a great guy and the one you were supposed to be with, when in reality he isnt, and your just that unhappy with your current situation that any sort of attention/ affection you get, you perceive it to be love.
I would definitley get a seperation, clear your head a bit. Figure out what it is you want to do. Saving money is always a good idea, but dont do it soley for the purpose to go move to UK. This is irrational.
Give it some more time. You obviously cant fight the way you feel. If you really love this guy and this guy really loves you, then he wont presure you into anything and he'll wait.
Ask him to come visit you. Or you visit him.. but not now, wait until you settle things with your husband first and clear your head. For, going to UK is not a decision that should be made in a hurry.. its going to take planing/ saving( if you dont already have money set aside) and well some time.. get to know this guy a little more first.. You never know, there are some crazies out there that will tell you anything you want to hear. Be smart about it.
Good luck
cheatI need advice: married, falling in love with someone else....?
ok, forget about the other guy for a minute.
It sounds like you're in a bad marriage with an abusive drinker. If you fear for your life, you don't need to be in that marriage. Start saving up NOW and go ahead and get that divorce as soon as you can.
Only when you're finally free of your husband will you be able to truly decide if the other guy is simply a safety net because you're afraid of being alone or if it's real.
You really really need to think about yourself. If your husband is so bad, you don't owe him anything. Get out of the house now. If he's made you fear for your life ever, you need to get out. Your Internet pal is just an escape for you and is keeping you from dealing with the reality, depending on him to make things right in your life. It's your life and only you can do it!
You need to GO. What do you mean ';if my husband would divorce me today...'; can't you divorce him? I think being with him is coloring your reality and it will effect future relationships the longer you stay with him. Get outta there TODAY.
One thing at a time, hon. First, realize the marriage is over, if for no other reason than abuse.
Then don't go wandering off to the other side of the planet to find love. Long distance relationships barely last 6 months after you meet. Just divorce the guy, and seek your options...... Yahoo personals, Match, e-Harmony, are great place to meet nice people... (and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church).
(psst.... am happy for you that you had no kids with this guy... woulda been a biiiig mistake.
';Falling in love'; - people like to make it sound like it's out of their control.
You make *hundreds* of conscious decisions to be in love - to spend time with someone, to call them, to talk to them, to feel a certain way, to kiss them, to sleep with them, to allow yourself to be alone with them, to lie to your husband about what you are doing, %26amp; more.
Please don't give us that ';falling in love'; crapola like it's beyond your control.
You CHOSE to be with this guy.
I went through something similar, though without the long-distance relationship in the wings, so I understand where you are and what you're going through. If we were talking over coffee, the main advice I'd have is to visit him (or have him visit you) several times and get to know each other in person before doing anything as permanent as moving. If it still seems like it could be a good relationship, have him help you find a job over there first, so that you won't be completely on your own once you move, and so that you still have options if the relationship doesn't work out.
Well, internet people are not always what you think they are. Before you consider running off to Neverland, please get to know this fella more. Maybe a visit (once you have filed for the divorce and are moving on) would be cool.
But I would first try to heal myself and get over the current situation you are in. It sounds like you have not put your feelings to rest with your husband. If he does treat you badly and you want out, then you need to move on but be catuious in the future.
It may be a different experience with a man than a woman, but I've fallen in love over the Internet four times so far, and in every case, the reality of actually being together wasn't very close to the fantasy world of chat, email, and phone. I'd suggest not burning any bridges or making any commitments on the basis of long-distance-only communications. Do go ahead and split from your husband if that's appropriate for that relationship, but don't do it in order to be with the guy in the UK, at least not before you've spent some time together in person.
Well by definition of many you are already cheating. It sounds to me like your mind is already made up....Why are you asking the question?
Been in your situation. All Im going to say is it is complicated. If you want to talk ...please contact me through my profile. I will be more than happy to share in private but the story is very personal.
I totally understand you sweetie! You should find love again! If things are not working for you two then there is no reason to beat around the bush! Find you a man, wait sounds like you have =D I would keep talking to this guy and maybe you guys will fall even more in love.
Its probably for the best that you move on and find someone that makes you feel wanted and good. I say more power to you honey!
Lets say you and your husand follow through and get a divorce. It seems like your already on that path since you've been talking to a divorce lawyer. I'm not here to judge and I dont think its right for anyone else to either. I do have a question though.. Why are you automatically contemplating on moving there to be with him. He couldn't come here to the U.S?
How long have you been talking to this guy for? Maybe the lack of attention you were getting from your husband is making it seem like this guy is such a great guy and the one you were supposed to be with, when in reality he isnt, and your just that unhappy with your current situation that any sort of attention/ affection you get, you perceive it to be love.
I would definitley get a seperation, clear your head a bit. Figure out what it is you want to do. Saving money is always a good idea, but dont do it soley for the purpose to go move to UK. This is irrational.
Give it some more time. You obviously cant fight the way you feel. If you really love this guy and this guy really loves you, then he wont presure you into anything and he'll wait.
Ask him to come visit you. Or you visit him.. but not now, wait until you settle things with your husband first and clear your head. For, going to UK is not a decision that should be made in a hurry.. its going to take planing/ saving( if you dont already have money set aside) and well some time.. get to know this guy a little more first.. You never know, there are some crazies out there that will tell you anything you want to hear. Be smart about it.
Good luck
Desperately need advice(married ppl only) PLEASE!!10 POINTS for best answer?
my Monster in law n sister in law moved in 2005 and since then has been HELL. they monitor my kids bathing time, sleeping time and meal time. she hears all my conversations with friends and family and slso hears my arguments with my husband etc. my husband has told them b4 that what happens in our house is our bussiness. anyway to make a long story short. there has been tention btw my in laws and me for a while since they called my mentally disabled child a ';retard';. so, three weeks ago my SIL decides to physically attack me and also my MIL I called the cops they did a report and now i have a restraining order against them but i have only served my SIL. so my question is that should i serve his mother also or not? my husband says that the decision it's mine but that he's not ok with it and that if i do it, not to tell him. I am so angry right now bcuz i feel like they accomplished what they wanted and now i have to get over it because it's his family?! please I need your opinonDesperately need advice(married ppl only) PLEASE!!10 POINTS for best answer?
Hey mistakes happen, and you thought you were doing the right thing, unfortunately it came back to bite you.
The main thing that's crossing my mind is that your husband and you should be on the same side, suupporting each other in this. It sound slike he is to some extent, but definitely not enough.
Tell him you really need him to back on this, and that the two of you need to figure something out.Desperately need advice(married ppl only) PLEASE!!10 POINTS for best answer?
Well I am not married yet (may 2008 Woohoo) however I do have experence with In Laws. I notice a couple of things 1st you say that your husband has told them before that what happens in you house is you business. 2nd you have children in the hous hold and 3rd you SIL attacked you
It is time to have a serious conversation with you husband. The in-laws need to go. There is no since in this. He needs to stand up for his family and should have been this whole time. There is no reason for people to be attacking each other he really needs to think about your children. marriage and family is hard enough with out adding inlaws. I can see that you probally wanted to help them when they moved in in 2005 but that is 3years ago it's time for them to be on there own. If you husband can't understand that and doesn't care about the safety of you and your children the I would hit the road untill they are gone. If he really loves you and your family he will stand by you miind has!
Boundries are important for a reason. This is a bad time, enforce your order....your husband is in a hard spot and doesn't know what to do. (even though I think he should be standing beside you with this all of the way) Don't take this from his family or anyone....ever.
Do what's best for your family.
First of all if your husband loves your he should not allow this to happen - IN YOUR HOME....in his home....and not give you that answer - that it's your choice but he won't like it if you serve her....wtf?....he might feel like he's in the middle - but he should act like a man and take care of this.....speaking up to his mother and sister that this will not be allowed in the household.
dont sever his mother. look into moving yourself. good luck.
In my own house I call the shots. I let those that I have in my home know that it's my house, and the only thing I ask is pay your bills, pick up after yourselves, and contribute to the things we all use..electricity..water or cable. 1/2 on groceries.
In your situation your in-laws are taking over your household, and you're letting them. Speak up, cause hubby already said you can. Having to attack you in your own home is horrible. They're bad examples in this case.
Give them notice that you want them out. You have enough stress to deal with and that is your son. You don't need outsiders to come in and dictate to you what to do? I know I won't tolerate this.
Damn! Sure hope the SIL isn't still living with you....Apparently it was a mistake allowing her to live with you in the first place...As far as your MIL....I would forget about her....for now....but if she tries something in the near future...have her served immediately....your husband has one messed up family!
simple answer is you moved them in now move them out tell them you dont want them living with you anymore give them 3 weeks to find somewhere else or go to the council if your in the UK
In laws are a touchy subject. ie blood %26amp; water.
Why are they living with you?, could you not ask them to leave.
If not then your husband is going to have to come up with some ground rules for them to be allowed to live in your house %26amp; stick to them. He needs to back you up.
Being always courteous %26amp; polite to his wife %26amp; kids being number 1 priority.
If its a big enough house, live seperately as much as possible, tv's in their rooms etc, seperate eating times. With the time being spent together always to be in your husbands presence.
Serving the MIL, wont accomplish anything, it will just add to the tensions.
You'd best not have a restraining order placed against his mother. That's crossing the line. He needs to let them know in no uncertain terms to back off.
tell your husband they go or you'll go!! you don't need to take that crap in your home and your husband should be taking your side!! man that sucks!!
Marriages dont survive with in laws living with them. Unless it is an elderly parent who needs assistance with living. I would tell them to move out and find a new place to live. Your husband should be the man and tell them himself, it is his family. But if he doesnt then you should. Get them out.
It usually never works out living in the same home as in laws. I would try my hardest to let it go unless you want a divorce. I know it stinks, but eventually, he will start to side with his family because ';blood is thicker than water,'; as the old saying goes. I would try my best to focus that anger onto something positive and try to never say anything bad about them in front of him. Find a trusted friend to confide in where they are concerned. Let him visit his family and so forth on his own, but don't let it come between you and your hubby. otherwise, they WILL have accomplished EXACTLY what they set out to do. The best revenge you can get on them is to let them see you move on (having let this go....takes a strong person and that will piss them off!) and be completely happy with your hubby and he with you. Good luck sweetie.
Why is he not okay with it? Is he scared that his mother will turn against him? She already turned against him when she started crap with you. That is your house, not hers! If she hasn't already, make her leave. You don't need a restraining order to accomplish that. Nicely pack all of her belongings up, and take them to whereever the sister-in-law is staying now( I am assuming that she isnt with you anymore since you served the restraining order). And if your husband doesnt like it, pack his crap up too! You are a grown woman trying to raise a family. You dont need that type of immature BS in your life. They obviously dont have a life of their own, and are trying to make you feel as crappy as they do, which is pretty crappy b/c they are basically dependent upon you and your husband for a roof over their heads. Dont let them take control over their life, because you HAVE control over theirs. Get them out of your house and your life, so you can go on with yours, HAPPILY!
YES YES YES!!!
Listen some of us have -in laws, others have outlaws-
This is YOUR life not theirs. They have no business putting their 2 cents in when it isn't asked for. Put your foot down and serve her as well. You don't need to be put in a situation like that EVER. As for the name calling, did I miss something? What is she 5? No one deserves to be treated like that, especially a child, and one with a disability to boot? HELL NO!
You need to stand up for yourself and your child. Your husband is being put in a very compromising position- All things aside, it is still his mother and that has to hurt him more then you can imagine. BUT he never said not to, he just said not to tell him about it.
You need to think safety, not family. Think about what will happen to that precious child of yours if something goes to far the next time. If your husband works are you willing to have the 2 morons take care of YOUR child? Think about what you are doing and look at every option before you make your decision. You are going to have to live with that the rest of your life.
And if things don't get better, stick a FOR SALE sign on the lawn and get the hell out and don't leave a forwarding address.
Because there is NO ONE that deserves to be treated like that, not you, not your husband, and DEFINITELY not your child!
Yes serve your MIL!! She is as guilty as the SIL and you need to keep them away from you and your children!
They need to move out of your house. Period. They have been there since 2005? This is unacceptable and it should be unacceptable to your husband as well. They have no right barging in on your life, commenting about your son, getting into your business in your own home. Honestly, honey, I'd have a serious talk with your husband and tell him, ';They need to be out of this house by month's end.'; And tell him you will no longer accept them living there, you will not deal with this uproar in your own home and the last straw was the awful comment about your son. That alone should make your husband himself want to ask them to leave. They are taking advantage of your home and they need to go! Good luck to you!
they should respect you ! they live in YOUR house, and that's the thanks you get? Screw them as hard as you can!!
As soon as they called my child a retard I am sorry it would have been me assaulting them as I shoved their free loading butts out the front door. It is time for you and your hubby to have a long heart to heart. I can see him not wanting his mother served with a restraining order but he has got to be willing to either set some boundries and enforce them or have them move, you and the kids have got to come first. Figure out what it is you can and cant live with and tell him and then have him tell his family what the rules are and if they cant follow them he would be happy to help them find another place. If he can not back you up on this then you will have to rethink the relationship and whether or not it is worth being with a man that can let his family treat you and innocent children this way.
Sorry just read your memo. If they do not live in the same house with you then just tell your hubby that it is his family and he deals with them and under no circumstances do you want them in your house as long as you and your children are at home. He can go see them all he wants but you do not wish to be a part of it anymore that they have hurt and insulted you one to many times. It sounds like your hubby wants to back you up but loves them to so sit down and work out a compromise that you can all live with.
Yes, serve both the MIL and SIL if not for any reason other then to put them on notice. That restraining order protects you and creates documentation that if it ever comes to physical contact again they can't hid from it.
As for the Comment about your child, that should have been the issue that set your hubby off. Tell him to get his stones from his mommas purse and support you. I can't believe it, he acts like what they did was ok.
You need to make sure that your child is protected from that kind of Verbal abuse at all costs. If hubby won't stand beside you and help you then get out now.
I don't think it will get much better unitl hubby puts MIL and SIL in their place. Expect that I am not sure if they are in a seperate appt or just in the same house but have own rooms but by letting them in for the last two years you can't evict them easily.
Get your ducks in a row and go. Find a new place to live and give hubby the option to come with or stay with MOMMMA.
YOUR CHILD IS #1,
Your SIL attacked you... not your MIL... So how can you serve someone that didn't do it...
As for me, I would show them the door. Let them find another place to stay. PERIOD.skin treatment psoriasis treatment
Hey mistakes happen, and you thought you were doing the right thing, unfortunately it came back to bite you.
The main thing that's crossing my mind is that your husband and you should be on the same side, suupporting each other in this. It sound slike he is to some extent, but definitely not enough.
Tell him you really need him to back on this, and that the two of you need to figure something out.Desperately need advice(married ppl only) PLEASE!!10 POINTS for best answer?
Well I am not married yet (may 2008 Woohoo) however I do have experence with In Laws. I notice a couple of things 1st you say that your husband has told them before that what happens in you house is you business. 2nd you have children in the hous hold and 3rd you SIL attacked you
It is time to have a serious conversation with you husband. The in-laws need to go. There is no since in this. He needs to stand up for his family and should have been this whole time. There is no reason for people to be attacking each other he really needs to think about your children. marriage and family is hard enough with out adding inlaws. I can see that you probally wanted to help them when they moved in in 2005 but that is 3years ago it's time for them to be on there own. If you husband can't understand that and doesn't care about the safety of you and your children the I would hit the road untill they are gone. If he really loves you and your family he will stand by you miind has!
Boundries are important for a reason. This is a bad time, enforce your order....your husband is in a hard spot and doesn't know what to do. (even though I think he should be standing beside you with this all of the way) Don't take this from his family or anyone....ever.
Do what's best for your family.
First of all if your husband loves your he should not allow this to happen - IN YOUR HOME....in his home....and not give you that answer - that it's your choice but he won't like it if you serve her....wtf?....he might feel like he's in the middle - but he should act like a man and take care of this.....speaking up to his mother and sister that this will not be allowed in the household.
dont sever his mother. look into moving yourself. good luck.
In my own house I call the shots. I let those that I have in my home know that it's my house, and the only thing I ask is pay your bills, pick up after yourselves, and contribute to the things we all use..electricity..water or cable. 1/2 on groceries.
In your situation your in-laws are taking over your household, and you're letting them. Speak up, cause hubby already said you can. Having to attack you in your own home is horrible. They're bad examples in this case.
Give them notice that you want them out. You have enough stress to deal with and that is your son. You don't need outsiders to come in and dictate to you what to do? I know I won't tolerate this.
Damn! Sure hope the SIL isn't still living with you....Apparently it was a mistake allowing her to live with you in the first place...As far as your MIL....I would forget about her....for now....but if she tries something in the near future...have her served immediately....your husband has one messed up family!
simple answer is you moved them in now move them out tell them you dont want them living with you anymore give them 3 weeks to find somewhere else or go to the council if your in the UK
In laws are a touchy subject. ie blood %26amp; water.
Why are they living with you?, could you not ask them to leave.
If not then your husband is going to have to come up with some ground rules for them to be allowed to live in your house %26amp; stick to them. He needs to back you up.
Being always courteous %26amp; polite to his wife %26amp; kids being number 1 priority.
If its a big enough house, live seperately as much as possible, tv's in their rooms etc, seperate eating times. With the time being spent together always to be in your husbands presence.
Serving the MIL, wont accomplish anything, it will just add to the tensions.
You'd best not have a restraining order placed against his mother. That's crossing the line. He needs to let them know in no uncertain terms to back off.
tell your husband they go or you'll go!! you don't need to take that crap in your home and your husband should be taking your side!! man that sucks!!
Marriages dont survive with in laws living with them. Unless it is an elderly parent who needs assistance with living. I would tell them to move out and find a new place to live. Your husband should be the man and tell them himself, it is his family. But if he doesnt then you should. Get them out.
It usually never works out living in the same home as in laws. I would try my hardest to let it go unless you want a divorce. I know it stinks, but eventually, he will start to side with his family because ';blood is thicker than water,'; as the old saying goes. I would try my best to focus that anger onto something positive and try to never say anything bad about them in front of him. Find a trusted friend to confide in where they are concerned. Let him visit his family and so forth on his own, but don't let it come between you and your hubby. otherwise, they WILL have accomplished EXACTLY what they set out to do. The best revenge you can get on them is to let them see you move on (having let this go....takes a strong person and that will piss them off!) and be completely happy with your hubby and he with you. Good luck sweetie.
Why is he not okay with it? Is he scared that his mother will turn against him? She already turned against him when she started crap with you. That is your house, not hers! If she hasn't already, make her leave. You don't need a restraining order to accomplish that. Nicely pack all of her belongings up, and take them to whereever the sister-in-law is staying now( I am assuming that she isnt with you anymore since you served the restraining order). And if your husband doesnt like it, pack his crap up too! You are a grown woman trying to raise a family. You dont need that type of immature BS in your life. They obviously dont have a life of their own, and are trying to make you feel as crappy as they do, which is pretty crappy b/c they are basically dependent upon you and your husband for a roof over their heads. Dont let them take control over their life, because you HAVE control over theirs. Get them out of your house and your life, so you can go on with yours, HAPPILY!
YES YES YES!!!
Listen some of us have -in laws, others have outlaws-
This is YOUR life not theirs. They have no business putting their 2 cents in when it isn't asked for. Put your foot down and serve her as well. You don't need to be put in a situation like that EVER. As for the name calling, did I miss something? What is she 5? No one deserves to be treated like that, especially a child, and one with a disability to boot? HELL NO!
You need to stand up for yourself and your child. Your husband is being put in a very compromising position- All things aside, it is still his mother and that has to hurt him more then you can imagine. BUT he never said not to, he just said not to tell him about it.
You need to think safety, not family. Think about what will happen to that precious child of yours if something goes to far the next time. If your husband works are you willing to have the 2 morons take care of YOUR child? Think about what you are doing and look at every option before you make your decision. You are going to have to live with that the rest of your life.
And if things don't get better, stick a FOR SALE sign on the lawn and get the hell out and don't leave a forwarding address.
Because there is NO ONE that deserves to be treated like that, not you, not your husband, and DEFINITELY not your child!
Yes serve your MIL!! She is as guilty as the SIL and you need to keep them away from you and your children!
They need to move out of your house. Period. They have been there since 2005? This is unacceptable and it should be unacceptable to your husband as well. They have no right barging in on your life, commenting about your son, getting into your business in your own home. Honestly, honey, I'd have a serious talk with your husband and tell him, ';They need to be out of this house by month's end.'; And tell him you will no longer accept them living there, you will not deal with this uproar in your own home and the last straw was the awful comment about your son. That alone should make your husband himself want to ask them to leave. They are taking advantage of your home and they need to go! Good luck to you!
they should respect you ! they live in YOUR house, and that's the thanks you get? Screw them as hard as you can!!
As soon as they called my child a retard I am sorry it would have been me assaulting them as I shoved their free loading butts out the front door. It is time for you and your hubby to have a long heart to heart. I can see him not wanting his mother served with a restraining order but he has got to be willing to either set some boundries and enforce them or have them move, you and the kids have got to come first. Figure out what it is you can and cant live with and tell him and then have him tell his family what the rules are and if they cant follow them he would be happy to help them find another place. If he can not back you up on this then you will have to rethink the relationship and whether or not it is worth being with a man that can let his family treat you and innocent children this way.
Sorry just read your memo. If they do not live in the same house with you then just tell your hubby that it is his family and he deals with them and under no circumstances do you want them in your house as long as you and your children are at home. He can go see them all he wants but you do not wish to be a part of it anymore that they have hurt and insulted you one to many times. It sounds like your hubby wants to back you up but loves them to so sit down and work out a compromise that you can all live with.
Yes, serve both the MIL and SIL if not for any reason other then to put them on notice. That restraining order protects you and creates documentation that if it ever comes to physical contact again they can't hid from it.
As for the Comment about your child, that should have been the issue that set your hubby off. Tell him to get his stones from his mommas purse and support you. I can't believe it, he acts like what they did was ok.
You need to make sure that your child is protected from that kind of Verbal abuse at all costs. If hubby won't stand beside you and help you then get out now.
I don't think it will get much better unitl hubby puts MIL and SIL in their place. Expect that I am not sure if they are in a seperate appt or just in the same house but have own rooms but by letting them in for the last two years you can't evict them easily.
Get your ducks in a row and go. Find a new place to live and give hubby the option to come with or stay with MOMMMA.
YOUR CHILD IS #1,
Your SIL attacked you... not your MIL... So how can you serve someone that didn't do it...
As for me, I would show them the door. Let them find another place to stay. PERIOD.
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