My fiance and I are arguing where to get married... need advice?

My fiance and I got engaged in april 08 and are planning a august 09 wedding, originally we were having it out of town that way my parents would help pay for it. In the past week we sat down and figured out a rough estimate of how much everything will cost. Now that I know how much it will be, I would rather save our money (for a house) and just go to a little chapel to get married, then go to dinner afterwards. No BIG wedding or BIG reception. But he has always wanted a big traditional wedding... Although we sill have yet to talk to his dad and mom (whom are divorced) to see how much they will put towards it. I would just rather save our money for a house, but he is so adamant about it.My fiance and I are arguing where to get married... need advice?
Marriage is about compromising. You guys need to sit down and figure out a solution.


You want a small wedding - he wants a big one. Why not do something in the middle? Or - tell him before you guys make any decisions he will need to ask his parents if/how much they are going to contribute to the wedding.


I think that there is a middle ground...My fiance and I are arguing where to get married... need advice?
As all relationships are about communication - I think you two have a healthy start. Just be mindful however that you value each others opinions.





I'd suggest either having the traditional wedding ceremony and a less formal and more 'intimate' reception. Or the other way around. Also explore areas for cost saving. Go to your local university and see if a photographer there will work with you for your wedding - its a win/win. They build a portfolio, you have memories.





Enjoy your day.
you have to talk him out of it. a marriage and a house last a lifetime, a wedding is a 5 hour party that gets completely out of hand and you should NOT spend a downpayment on a house on your wedding and reception! I know a girl whose parents spent almost $20K on her wedding 2 years ago, and she lives with her husband and NEW BABY in her parents basement now! with $20K she could have bought a house! idiot.
Well what you could do is have the wedding in your back yard or at a family or friends house. Then what you could do is rent a cheap hall. Or a hall that doesnt cost as much and maybe hire a co worker, friend, family member to do the music. Budgeting is good especially if you are wanting to buy a house but there are other ways around spending thousands of dollars on a reception and wedding. Do some research cal around and look online to find the cheapest places. Be creative and maybe look for ideas on the net too.
Personally, I would go for a house over having a big wedding.





Maybe you can compromise to save money - you can get married at the little chapel and then have something a little cheaper than a traditional reception like a picnic or a backyard BBQ...the cost is lower and they are just a nice.
Weird, it's usually the opposite.


Just compromise, instead of going for a destination wedding or out of town, do a small church ceremony with a big reception. Do not fight over the wedding, it's not worth it, it's only one day out of the rest of your lives.
When getting married you both need to understand it is about compromising when you can't agree. Meet in the middle and have something a little smaller then originally planned (which should cost less) and put the difference towards the house.
Personally, i would like a smaller wedding because its more personal this way. You'll feel much more comfortable as well. BIg weddings are way too stuffy anyways. I definately think its also smarter that you would save more money as well. Just try convincing your husband
maybe you could compromise, and do an intown wedding, and a nice dinner.


that way its not as expensive, and he can still have a fairly big wedding.


ur gonna have to learn to think this up on ur own, if ur gonna get married. the entire thing is compromise.
You two just choose a way that you can pay for yourselves. Good for him for wanting a traditional style wedding - you should be flattered by that! Just plan the style of wedding and number of guests which fit your budget.
Your wedding is supposed to be the biggest day of your life. You've got the rest of your life to save for a house, he obviously wants the day to be special so let him. Good Luck and I hope you have a great day !
There is a big difference between just getting married and having a big wedding. Why not compromise and have a small wedding. You stressed that she wants BIG but it sounds like you want tiny and that's not fair to her.
I had the same problem with my wife. She wanted small, I big. We had a big wedding and 6 years later, she is still so thankful.





Have the big wedding.
howa bout the small wedding with family and close friends only





buy a house and have a big reception/housewarming aprty later
Well... try to talk to him %26amp; explain why the big one doesn't make sense. And if he still doesn't see it... you'll have 2 options: either go with what he wants (and make him pay later), or find another guy.
Disney world- it's amazing, but the cakes are really expensive. their most expensive ones are $15,000. cause they put real gold in it and silver
i totaly agree with you i would tell her that wat is more important the future or just something thats gonna happen for a day idk thats wat i would do but yet im only 15
Little wedding for sure. I was recently married (Feb 22). I can't imagine what it would be like to plan a big wedding.
I go with the small wedding.
can't you have a mid size wedding? not an extravagant one but not a small one either?
I would use it on a house!
at your house
There's a lot of ';wiggle room'; between a BIG wedding / BIG reception and no wedding / no reception at all. Look for more affordable ways to do it. You don't have to invite 200 people - invite 50. Don't book the most expensive caterer in town - look for different alternatives. Have a cash bar instead of an open bar. It can still be a nice ceremony and a fun reception, just scale it down a bit. If having a wedding and a reception is important to your partner, it is something you have to reckon with, you can't just brush their feelings aside. Talk to you parents-in-law, find out how much they were planning to contribute, then look at the figures again and see what you can do with their and your contributions.





P.S. Not everything that is purely practical is automatically a ';better option.'; Memorable events are very important. Just as you would invest in a house, you should invest in each other's emotional well-being. Yes, wedding may be a one-day event, but the memories will last a lifetime. In your case, it seems like there might be plenty of room to compromise.
why don't you have it at a nice park. i live in FL and there's a really nice park in cocoa with a stage and lots of room for chairs. it's beautiful. green grass and bunches of flowers all over and it's right off the river. i've always wanted to get married at a park in a gazebo. i thought that'd be cool. somewhere pretty.





it'd cost way less but you'd have to watch the weather.


all you really need are chairs, flowers/decorations, and ';the aisle';





good luck! i hope you have an amazing wedding! you have plenty of time, try not to stress over that, there will be time for stressing later.
you have to agree. typically the girl gets her way about a wedding but its usually the girl who wants the big wedding. maybe you can compromise. instead of a destinational wedding why not have a medium sized wedding at home? you will still save a ton. a wedding is a huge deal so i have always believed in have a decent sized wedding but really your just going to have to compromise. maybe he (or you both) will need to get a second job for a while and save a little money for after the wedding and still have the big wedding.. then you both get your way you just have to work a little but to get there.
Well you could tell him that the AVERAGE cost of a wedding in the USA is $28,000. Yeah the starting salary of a new college graduate.


Ask him what's the BETTER investment? $28,000 for ONE day out of your life or $28,000 toward the down payment of a house? I would ask him what he really wants out of the day? Good food, photos, dancing, family, friends? Or does he want ONE DAY that is all flash? For most of us, all we want is to be married at the end of the planning. So here are some options:





1: Have a destination wedding where you get everything included for just the two of you. Then come back and have a HUGE party/reception.





2: Have a small wedding for just immediate family only. Then afterwards have a nice quiet celebration dinner.





I hope this helps. good luck to you. :)





3:
The first thing I would do would be to find out how much money his parents are going to give you. You could be surprised and maybe they'll pay for it all! If this is the case, you could still save your money for a house. If the money they are going to give you isn't enough for the wedding, maybe you could come up with an alternative to both. Get married at a resort in the carribean. This way, you'll have to pay for the trip, but you'd probably pay for a honeymoon anyways. You could still invite people and with this much notice, they should be able to come.
My guy was also hung up on the big wedding and he's even HAD one before. He likes the party afterwards because he sees all these relatives he only sees at weddings. I just wanted a small wedding. His plans are simply impractical because much of his family is in Louisiana and we live in MN.





We compromised on a small wedding with a strict limit of 30 guests. Budget is $2,800 and I can do either a little chapel followed by an appetizer lunch at our home with cake and coffee/tea/pop OR a rather nice restaurant in the city that has a wedding room and a banquet area. Either will cost roughly the same although if we choose the city, we will have to get rooms for the night for ourselves and the kids. While the restaurant does charge $25/plate, all food, decorations and everything is complete. The wedding room charges are only for appetizers and/or wine to follow the wedding and before sitting down for dinner.





My Dad is in failing health, and they are trying a trip this week to visit my sister. If he doesn't do so well, then we will do the restaurant option since it is less than an hour's drive vs. 2.5 hour drive.
Haha! Welcome to married life already! And get used to it. This is actually a good test to see how you both will resolve debates with each other.





I think saving for the house is a better option. It's more practical. And home-ownership will have the lasting benefit of building equity on the long-term.





Although men are pretty stubborn at times (that includes me). Look at it this way. The wedding is a one-time deal. You want it to be perfect. Money comes and goes. Money can always be earned and saved. Houses aren't going anywhere. But you only have one shot at the wedding. So why not do it right? That's probably how he's thinking.





I'd say the worst thing you both can do is argue about it. You need to sit down and discuss the finances further. List the Pro's and Con's of your idea and his idea. Get some input from the parents (since they will be contributing financially). And try to come to a middle ground. Maybe a slightly bigger wedding than your little chapel, but not too big as to each all your financial resources.





Whatever you decide, I wish you both the best of luck!
Dude it don't matter what you want it is her day let her have what she wants you will be much happier for it.
Won't the wedding gifts that people give at a big wedding help pay for the house down payment?


I would go for the bigger wedding.