Anyway, if you were asked to come to a pre-marriage counseling session an engaged couple is attending to speak to them, what would you say to the couple? The good and the bad, what to expect.
I told my sister that I was going to do this for her and then email her the responses. (Minus your names, I will just have her tell me which she likes best and I will award the points to that person!)
Thanks in advance!Married couples: What advice can you give..?
My husband and i went to high school together and have been married for 10 years. We have three boys together. The day before i got married, my mother said to me ';The best person to spend the rest of your life with is your best friend.'; I think before anyone ever gets married, you need to make sure the person you're marryng is more than a lover, but a best friend.
The advice i would give to an engaged couple is this: Always be patience, express your love as much as possible and it's ok to not agree every single minute of your marriage. Focus on the big picture of situations. Try not to start stupid fights of silly little things that don't matter. Expect both days where you couldn't imagine anyone better than your husband and days where you wish you could trade him in. The most important thing to do is work together as a team, especially when you have children. Talk to each other when things both you and express your feelings. These are all key things to keep a marriage happy and alive. It's not a cake walk as some people think it is. It's something that needs to be worked on each day.
Best wishes your sister and good luck =]Married couples: What advice can you give..?
Never hold anything in. Talk about everything. No matter how much it makes you mad or makes you cry. holding in your feelings and then allowing them to come out all at once exploding is the worst you can do because if your husband said something like ';can you change the laundry load'; you might be so up to your ears in housework, washing dishes and whatnot, you could go off on him and he will have no idea why. He'll get defensive and then the fight begins. good luck!
Marriage is a definitely more work than people expect. It is a give and take relationship that can be very rewarding and yet challenging for the first couple of years. Once you get used to compromising, then come children and again it is giving up more to the child and to the spouse. Each spouse has to realize the changes that come with children and hopefully are ready for the lifetime committment. Remember to treat each other with love and respect and you will be fine. Try to work out the details of living together first, such as household chores, cooking, yard work, ect...these things are the most common issues which start arguments. Share in the responsibility and it will give each of you more time to spend with each other in the end. Money is also a big issue, so make sure you write down all of your checks, atm withdrawls, ect...Take the time to discuss the small things, because it is the small things which turn into the big battles.
I can only speak for myself. My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We only knew each other for 3 mths before we got married. It has been tough but rewarding. All I can say is always talk be open with each other. You have to meet each other half way on everything. You have to constantly work on your relationship. My husband and I try not to go to bed mad at each other. We also don't leave the house mad. At least we try not to. If things get heated then simply go to different rooms. My husband and I also took a prep class right after we got married. It has helped us. Tell your sister to look into a prep class or something similar to that before they get married. Congrats to your sister and good luck to her.
Tell her that Marriage is not a bed of roses.
Marriage is not like buying stuff from wal mart ,it takes understanding and patience to survive.
Marriage is not a place to count offence and how many times one got pissed on.
Marriage is like a body with many ailment ,atimes headache,other time stomach ache and other time toothache but good a thing all is not permanent ,when marriage expirience any of those stuff take a good medicine which is LOVE and it will disappear and some other time another thing will come up and you deal with that also.There is no perfect marriage in this world ,but a perfect understanding makes a beautiful marriage
you know getting married supposed to be a happy occassion. Why do you want to talk about the bad side of marriage.? And being a sister you should be the one who is wishing her the best of life. . .
Be honest with each other.
Leave the past in the past and don't bring it up.
If one person hurts the other and then askes for forgiveness, give it when you can truly forgive him/her, and never bring it back up.
Fights happen, but try to work it out before voices are raised.
Keep your own identity and try to merge part of it with the other person.
Have hobbies that you can take solice in.
Don't try to make the other conform to your ideas, it won't work and both of you will be miserable.
Love and marriage is hard work. Just because you are tired when you get home from a monetary job doesn't give you a reason to not work on your marriage.
Have faith in one another and in God.
Treat each other with the respect you expect for yourself. If you don't respect yourself or love yourself, nobody else will.
Tell each other how much you love each other. Intimacy is not only sex, hugs, and kisses, but also talking and listening to each other with open minds.
1 no one is perfect so don't expect your spouse to be
2 Always look for ways to say or show them you love them
3 be the type of spouse you want your spouse to be
4 love one another
5 be nice and try to please one another
Well as long as there is love there, not to worry, but do tell her marriage is WORK. Its all give and take, forgiving and forgetting. Also my first year was probably the hardest, because of really getting to know how the other person is when you live with them, usually completly differant. And also let her know that arguements will happen some worse than others but thats life and thats the beauty of making up!!! Its like dating but legal and like I said its more work with lots of commitment and loyalty. Wish them the very best and congratulations!!!! They will do just fine!!!
I would have the couple sit down and go over a list of items together re: finances and how to maintain them, children and how to raise them (if at all), house cleanliness, and all the other little day to day mundane things that are so unromantic but can destroy a marriage if not agreed upon.
You can find these lists online (there are always articles about ';are you ready to get married?'; and that kind of thing to look up) and they will be a good starting point.
Good luck.
Advice I give:
1. If you feel like you aren't getting enough from your spouse, you should probably be giving more.
2. Love is not the most important aspect of a marriage, respect is.
3. A marriage is very much like a garden, with daily tending it will be bountiful, if you neglect it it will become choked with weeds and die.
Base your marriage on unconditional love. The kind that grows and loves thru any challenge. Marriage like life isnt always easy, but together you can get thru anything. Dont ever go to bed mad at each other. Walk thru life side by side and not in front or behind one another. Never take one another for granted and remember its the little things that make all the difference in the world. Never pick on each others shortcomings. Always be honest and open, no lies or secrets. Be willing to compromise. Believe in each other and God, for he will never give you more than you can handle. Good luck
a wise woman once told me this......marriage is far more than sex and roses and compliments and boy was she right!
What I would have liked for someone to tell me was how much giving it involves. Marriage really isn't a true 50/50 split of giving and taking....its more like 95/5 most days.
And respect is far more important in a marriage than love is. Respect for your mate as well as respect for yourself.
And the little things mean far more than the grand gestures...make his coffee for him, fill her gas tank, shovel the snow off the porch together, sit on the couch and turn the tv off and just talk....its the little things that keep you connected and in love.
But the best advice to give any couple entering into marriage is to make sure that God is at the center of their lives.
Well in my opinion I would say, Be Faithful and honest in all ways. Never hold Grudges against your partner. If you disagree on something, then agree on something else tha tyou both like. For example, the curtains if you two like different colors, then choose one that you both agree on and like. But remember, Honesty,Trustworthyness and Optimism are main bullets in Marriage.
they need to talk over what their expectations are from each other. Do they both want children, how many, What jobs do they have if they will support a family. You know Long term grown up things that noone ever thinks about because they are so IN LOVE that thats all they see. Do their parents get along with each other Do they get along with one anothers parents. What do they want to accomplish in the next five to ten year. And most importantly are they willing to do it together till death do they part. PRAY TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been married for almost 27years so I don't think I'm an expert. It's work that never ends. The honey moon will end after awhile. Best advice is don't have kids for at least 5 years get to know each other and then after the kids come into the picture remember the person you fell in love with.
Most of all love and support each other in everything you do.
I've been married for 6 years and I have a 3 year old boy. I would say to look at the person for exactly who they are because that is potentially what that person will be like for the rest of your life. Also the things you love the most about someone will also become the things that annoy you the most. It is our differences that attract us to each other but then those differences can interfere. The couple should also refrain from intimacy until the wedding to allow more time to get to know each other. It is a lot easier to walk away before saying 'I do' than after. Besides if now is not a good time they could get married later. What is the rush? When you talk to your sister, let her talk to you and see how much she mentions his name and what he does or if she is just excited about a 'wedding'. It happened to the best of us. Also since this may be your brother in law see if he has tried to befriend the family. The way a man treats his mother is the best clue to how he will treat his wife. Last but not least, fast and pray that this is the right decision.
No comments:
Post a Comment