For married couples: advice on love and relationships, please?

I'm in my early 20's and i feel that I'm finally STARTING to ';get'; relationships. I've only had 1 boyfriend and in high school. In college, I got to know guys and one point quantity seemed better than quantity. I started getting attention from guys, which i've never gotten. That got old and the older I'm getting, I'm realizing i would rather wait for something real than spend time and emotions on ';nice'; guys w. mediocre personalities w. no potential. When i was younger, I thought relationships would get easier but was i wrong. I unexpectedly fell in love w. my best friend and he's DIFFERENT than any other guy I've met. He's not perfect but i love him despite his flaws and hard times we've been learned together. Nothing's changed w. the way I feel for him. Just wondering if i can get advice on EVERYTHING about love:





- i was never the insecure/jealous/high maintenance but i find myself being insecure/jealous w. him at times


- guys aren't big communicators and women constantly need verbal reassurance - how can this be fixed


- NEVER seek advice concerning your status/relationships between friends, right?


- Whatever is between you two should stay between you two, right? b/c i've noticed that people's opinions turn into facts... drama starts


- NEVER bring up past issues, right? Guys are straightforward so if the issue is stemming from something you guys talked about, don't bring it up, right?


- He's becoming more and more comfortable around me... don't know if i should be insulted. He'll burp around me now, call me names, doesn't do things to be ';nice'; and will really be ';himself'; (he's a gentleman too btw and doesn't open up w. just anyone... he's shy w. girls)





- Any other advice?For married couples: advice on love and relationships, please?
The best source of information I have found comes in the form of a book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages. Its worth the read. Good luck I wish you the best, life can be happy and exciting but it can also be a downer depending on the choices we make.For married couples: advice on love and relationships, please?
There is no rule book for relationships. Unfortunately, you will have to learn like the rest of us, from mistakes.
sounds like he could be worth spending a little time on. when you know someones flaws well and still care for them, that should tell you something
Don't write so much, men hate longwinded anything.
Let's see- off the top of my head...





1. Never let the outside know you're fighting. Keep your arguments within your walls. (I learned this one when I threw his clothes out the window... it's just not good for the relationship or your rep). Don't argue in front of people.





2. If you're having sex everyday or very frequently, keep it up. As women, when we're falling in love we tend to express that physically on a contiunal basis, after some time (especially after kids) it deters off, while our partner keeps his consistent sexual appetite. This is where it gets tricky, and this is where problems arise. Put it on your to-do list... everyday.





3. Don't force him to read your journal. Don't gossip about your girlfriends. Don't communicate every single, minute detail of your day. A bit of mystery is good in a woman.





4. Don't expose every secret about yourself in an effort to let him get to know the ';real you'; (this includes the number of sexual partners you had or the time you peed your pants).





5. Remember that he man, you woman- there is a difference in the way you think and communicate but that doesn't necesarrily make you superior to him. Do not become his mother. Don't nag him.





6. Stay positive. Yes, he's there to support you and help you through tough times, but nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Do not complain 24/7. Stay as close to the person he fell in love with as possible.
Oh my it seemed reallllllllllllllllllllllllllly long reading all that but when I saw early on reading how young you are, I'm going to give it to you straight with experience.................





Being twenty, your young and you haven't seen, done, or experienced anything..... Your not considered to be trash if you date other people and get into who you are as a person, meaning take life head on and get your education first and experience everything.................. Your a beautiful person I'm sure but 20 is tooooooooooo young to settle! Life is just beginning for you! I dated numerous guys before my husband and I didn't look to think of long term until after 26 and I married at 32, and my life prior to my husband I wouldn't trade that experience for the world it prepared me for life in general! I learn how to love, and value me, and once I learned all that I put it into my relationship to know and understand what marriage and long term commitment for life was to bring.... Don't rush growing up! No need! It all come full circle! Without you rushing into anything.................. I dated a lot of losers before my husband and I picked everyone apart but I wanted someone to treat me as I valued them, and my husband did just that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trust him to do the right thing. Get past being upset if you learn he has female friends, enjoys lunch or works late with women at the office, or looks at pretty girls subtly. Don't let yourself become the Me-Me-Only-Me girlfriend. He can't live like that.





Seek reassurance about your appearance from women. Guys are not as fussy as we'd like to think. My husband has to peer close to see if I'm wearing makeup, or touch my leg for pantyhose, for cryin' out loud. If he's sexually interested in you, you look fine.





Comfort around you is desirable, but set standards you're at ease with early, or those burps will start coming from the other end, in front of your parents.





If he calls you silly names, live with it but let him know you'd rather he didn't. If he's calling you negative names, pick up your purse, cell, and the car keys and stay out a long time, thinking about whether you deserve a guy who'd do that. (Hint: you don't.)





Keep disagreements on focus. We can't be arguing about whether to go out, and suddenly that time I was really late gets dragged into it. Not fair.





Keep arguments civil. Rather than yell, leave the house or stay home but find a safe outlet for your anger, like yard work or bustin' up an old chiffarobe. Talk it out when you're both calm.





Remind him what things you like about him, out loud and often. Positive reinforcement works on us all.
There are general ';rules'; between men and women that are like what you have written, but you need to decide what works for you and this guy.





Men communicate more thru actions, not words, but again, not all of them all the time. They do have short attention spans and don't worry about all the little things that we do. They also don't remember every detail of every fight. You definitely have some of the general differences btw men and women, but it's more complicated than that. The only way you are going to learn is thru experience. Tell this guy how much you like him so you can start having a relationship and not just pretending that you do. :)





It's true that you should never disclose everything to your friends, BUT at the same time, those are the people that know you the best. They will also be the first to make you aware of changes you are making in your life that might not be good. You might not want to hear what they have to say, but you'll be sorry when something they've told you was right and you didn't listen.
Slow down girl. You dont need to follow specific rules to succeed in a relationship. Its ok that he's getting comfortable with you, you should do the same. You should also think about what are you willing to take from his behalf and what will you not. The key is to keep working it out, the minute you quit, the minute the relationship is over.
It sounds like you got it figured out pretty well so your on a very good start, but pulling it off isn't quite so easy as reading it like that ,so if you can stand by your own opinion/words you will do a great job at it, but remember nothing is ever perfect no matter what or how hard someone trys, all anyone can do is just do their best at whatever and hope for the best cause sometimes things aren't quite so simple as that, at times u have to step out of the equation to solve the problem or situation
Sometimes we find love in a place we'd never imagined. Sounds like it may have happened to you - don't be surprised.





- Insecurity/jealousy: Consider that perhaps the reason you did not feel insecure of jealous before was because you weren't very invested into your relationships. The more invested you become, the more you stand to lose; this realization can manifest itself as anxiety or jealousy. Some people accept the risk and move past the anxiety, but others don't.





- Communication: Not all guys are bad communicators, and not all women need ';constant'; reassurance. Communication skills and the need for reassurance vary from person to person, and they don't always neatly fall along the gender lines. By over-generalizing, you are closing the avenues to solving the problem. Instead of looking at it as a guys vs. women problem, look at it as a you vs. him issue. I.e. - YOU need constant verbal reassurance, but HIS communication style is different. There's nothing wrong with either approach, but being that your approaches are different, you will need to learn to compromise. Perhaps he can make an effort to express himself verbally more often, and you can learn to read OTHER ways of expression - the ways that HE uses to communicate his love (physical touch, actions, etc). Verbal expression is only a small part of the overall expression of love.





- Friends' advice: Depends on the friendship and the relationship. There's nothing wrong with discussing SOME things with your (trusted) friends and family, but constantly airing your dirty laundry in public is not a good idea. Once you're in a loving relationship, your mate becomes your best friend, and your loyalty should lie primarily with him/her.





- Past issues: Sometimes you can't help but bring up past issues. If you do it sparingly, it's not a problem; sometimes, you might need several ';passes'; to iron out some differences, to put an issue behind you. But if it's a pattern, it will hurt your relationship in the long run. You need to be the judge of when to bring something up, and when to bite your tongue. Generally, it's best to bring up past issues calmly, after giving it some thought - instead of throwing it into your partner's face as ammunition in the middle of a fight.





- Being comfortable: All I can say is welcome to the relationship. Burping and farting come with the territory (ask any married lady), as do floppy sweatpants and facial masks (ask any married gentleman). But what do you mean by ';calling you names';? Comfortable doesn't equal abusive. Name-calling (unless it's pet names) is always disrespectful, and is a red flag in any relationship. I'm also not sure what you mean by ';doing things to be nice';. There are things one might do that have no practical benefit (i.e., bring you a stuffed animal and candy), and these are things that are often done in the beginning of the relationship; but as the relationship progresses, these things are (ideally) more and more supplanted with doing things that benefit both partners and the relationship itself - such as working to achieve common goals, taking care of your share of chores, having fun together. The way of expressing yourself might change, but the message should stay consistent throughout the relationship - it is the message of caring for one's partner. If he doesn't make you feel cared-for, it's a bad sign, but you have to keep in mind that most things that communicate caring are subtle, and that bringing flowers home every Friday does not automatically mean he cares.
1. finding yourself insecure and jealous with him at times definitely implies you have a crush on him, at least.


2. yeah, guys aren't big communicators and often don't understand women; books can help guys understand what their women want; also talking frankly with your guy can help--when you have a boyfriend, don't be afraid to talk to him about how you feel and let him know that verbal reassurances help you and that all women need it; just ask him to be more communicative.


3. Actually, if you have a really close friend who's a girl, it can be good to ask her advice about a relationship. Often other friends see danger signs that couple misses. Make sure you trust your friend completely, though


4. Unless you are being abused in any way, yes, whatever is between you should stay between you.


5. OK, past issues--if you two have completely taken care of a past issue, then it should never come up again anyway. If you are still having problems with past issues, then they need to be addressed again! Even if you have talked about an issue before, doesn't mean it's taken care of. Make sure you take care of every issue as they come up and that there is a satisfactory conclusion and decision about that issue. Don't, however, bring up something your boyfriend has done in the past to use as punishment against him or to make him feel bad. If you have taken care of an issue completely---never bring it up again!


6. What do you mean by ';call you names'; and ';doesn't do things to be 'nice'';? If he calls you names to be mean, that could be a danger signal. If he has nicknames for you, that's OK. Is he nice? Is he starting to do mean things to you? These are warning signs! It could turn into abuse later on. If he does anything (even burping) that makes you feel uncomfortable, by all means, kindly tell him how you feel.


As far as love goes, there will be days when you don't feel like you love your boyfriend or husband when you marry, but that doesn't mean you don't love him. Choose to love your man every day no matter what! :-) Love is unselfish, kind, humble and sacrificing. I hope you find a man who will be willing to love you in these ways back.