I recently met another woman and have had sex with her and now do not know wtf I am doing...am having feelings for the other woman but probably because she pays attention to me and we have fun together. Please help. I am almost to the point of running away with the circus...ie divorce...but have the kiddo and a new house. I am miserable...please don't judge me...just help. Thanks.I need advice...am married but have to BEG my wife for sex basically. She always says I am ';harassing'; her...
Is it the thing to do...if your partner wont have sex with you then jump in bed with someone else? You should be totally ashamed. But not to worry...maybe she is having sex or another relationship with someone else and that's why she doesn't want it with you. Maybe you'll get the new one pregnant or bring home an std or something...or maybe your wife will.... Good luck with that.I need advice...am married but have to BEG my wife for sex basically. She always says I am ';harassing'; her...
www.marriagebuilders.com
Your wifes ';fuzzywuzzies'; have been depleted and a woman needs those to feel the need for sex. You need to spend some time meeting those needs (not what you think they are, but what she says they are) and then see what happens.
In the meanwhile though, you need to pray about and get some counsel because you have had an affair and that is jacked up. Check out the section on affairs as well. You need to know what to do to overcome it. And radical honesty is going to be the best policy, but you decide.
BTW...groping won't turn your wife on. Think about it - you didn't grope her to get her. Compliments, attention, talking, romance, cards, emails, ';baby I was just thinking about you's'; that's what does it. You have to fill the Love Bank up, but that's all on the website. Please check it out and hit me back up to let me know if it's all good.
Not going to judge you, and ignore the people that do. We're all human and we all deal with this at some point or another.
If I were you I would talk to your wife and tell her either you both be open and honest about your intimacy problem or you're leaving. If you really want to save your marriage, seek counselling together. If you need to, separate from one another so that you can have time to yourselves to reflect, instead of constantly being near each other which could confuse the both of you and stress you out emotionally, especially if you've been fighting.
Leave the other woman out of it, because it'll turn into a custody war. In fact just to be safe I'd break it off with her and stay away from her entirely. Just because of the kiddo it's a whole new ballpark. If you still want to be part of your child's life you need to end contact with her.
However, just to clarify, when a woman says no, that means NO. I know it sucks not getting any, but don't be aggressive. Just confront her and tell her how you truly feel.
And one last thought....your child is the most important person in your life. Don't think about you. Don't think about the other girl. Don't think about your wife for a second. What is best for your baby?
Have you tried romancing her? Get a babysitter or send the babe to the families for the weekend. Take her to a spa, get her a massage, pedicure and a manicure; heck enjoy the same with her. Take her to dinner, wine and dine.
Staying up late watching t.v. may just be her way of unwinding. I do the same...but the time I get my babe fed, bathed, spend quality time together, bottle and down for the night. Then get everything ready for tomorrow it takes me a while to calm down and I do so by watching t.v. The nights daddy visits, I don't go down til 12 or 1 only to get back up @ 5:30 a.m. It is a considerable more amount of work the nights he stays over. I do all the same things except I cook bigger dinners then have to clean that, then he wants some booty and I'm back up again and it takes a little longer to get back into sleep mode.
Also how is the sex for her? NOT YOU, but for her. Is she getting hers or just going through the motions to get you to hurry up and get yours so she can relax? Is it worth her efforts?
You need to take a look at her and her life in a day. Have you tried doing it? Its exhausting raising a child (not because its hard work but because your time isn't your own) even more so if you work too.
And I have to agree, it is possible to ';rape'; your wife. Her body is not YOURS to do with what you want. And it isn't her ';wifely duty';. That sort of mindset could land your @ss in jail and you'll never see your child again. If you had a daughter would you want her husband thinking that of her? Sex with the person you love should be consentual, tender, loving even if it has a little bit of rough play, its still about two people connecting as one and sharing a bond.
i suggest that you try to be there for your wife more emotionally without making it feel like your forcing sex upon her. make her feel appreciated and it will bring the sparks back. This will take some patience because she will think every time you get close to her that you are trying to pull something on her. so be subtle. give her a kiss even when its not laying in bed, hug her from behind while shes in the kitchen, you know the little things. bring up things that has to do with good memories you've had togther and maybe even try to do the things that you know she likes. I do believe that you cheated because you had a lack of affection with her. So try it out and see if it works. good luck
U R an i****.
If your wife declines sex, outsourcing it is NOT the solution. It only indicates lack of your feeling for your wife. How then you ****** expect that she will reciprocate your gestures?
Talk with her. Try to find what goes wrong. Women after 40 develops lots of troubles.
My husband, who is younger to me, is practicing abstinence since I ceased to be insertable. So what. Before finding faults with others and cry gaga here, act responsible.
Ok I'm not judging you and you have every right to feel neglected sexually but cheating is not the answer.
Cheating on your wife may get you the sex gratification you need but it will never get you what you wanted in the first place attention and sex from your wife. As you are aware it will also destroy your marriage so ';really'; think about the long term ';consequences'; of your actions. You say you have a 4 yr old. I don't know if your wife also works out of the home but a 4 yr old can drain a lot of your energy. If she is working out of the home as well she has two full time jobs. I don't know how old your wife is but hormones play a serious and dramatic role in both women and men but especially in women after childbirth and naturally as a woman ages her progesterone levels drop which can cause lack of sexual interest. I don't think you repulse her I think she stays up and watches tv just to relax a little and have some time to herself. Although she is not giving you sex she may feel like she is giving and giving in every other way and doesn't feel like she is getting much in return and or feeling appreciated. First I would sit down and communicate with her. Ask her the same questions you have asked here. Second I would have her to see a ';natural'; and ';safe'; hormone doctor who will test and evaluate her and her health. DO NOT have her go to a regular physician or her gynecologist who will only prescribe her more medication on top of ';synthetic'; birth control. If she is already taking birth control that could also be playing a role in her sex drive. Chemical medications only temporarily bandage the ';symptoms'; they do not fix the problem.
She could also have hyperthyroidism (low thyroid function) which affects the hormones and causes many symptoms. The link below could be vital to her health which in turn could save your marriage.
I don't know where you are located but they can help her even if you live elsewhere. They have an online test where she can answer questions to find out if she could possibly have a hormonal imbalance. If she does then she can take ';natural'; hormones and vitamins to restore her energy and sexual drive and if she doesn't have a hormonal imbalance and you have talked but yet there has still been no change I recommend marriage counseling.
Best of luck!
I think this is a matter where you need to talk to your wife about this. You need to be open with her about this. You are not doing yourself or your wife any favors by keeping this a secret. It is better (if) you guys get a divorce now, rather than having a huge fight of a divorce later. Keep in mind of your 4 year old son. There is nothing worse than having your kid being in this middle of this, and wondering why mom and dad are fighting/hating each other so much.
Wow... sorry, but having sex with someone else is wrong. I understand your wife isn't giving you much attention, but you need to stop doing another woman or divorce your wife before you do anything else. What does marriage mean to you?
anyways, a book my fiance and I had to read - ';The Five Love Languages';- by Gary Chapman. I suggest you and your wife read this. IT will help you out a LOT. As it has helped us for our soon-to-be marriage. Your wife's love language could be something different than yours- yours is prob physical touch from what you said here. Her's might be quality time. Therefore, in order for her to go out of her way to please you, you might need to spend some quality time with her. You also need to talk to her about your feelings. Read this book-it's not too long, and great and just might save your marriage. But in the mean time, stop having sex with other ladies. It's not fair to your wife. You married her, stick to your vows!
divorce
your wife has made her bed ( so to speak ) now let her lie in it
if she does not want to give you attention
then find it elsewhere, like you have done
Have you tried talking to your wife about this? Are you sure that she's not seeing someone else? Just because she does not give you sex, should you go out and sleep with someone else. That's just an excuse and SHAME ON YOU!!!
If you not in love with your wife then walk, it doesn't mean you are divorcing your child. You can bet the child feels the tension in the house.
Men and women think and act differently. Women want romance and cuddling before they have sex; and men want sex and think romance and cuddling are a stupid waste of time.
I agree with Bea on this. I won't judge you; but from experience I can tell you that the lack of sex and/or desire is just the tip of the iceberg. If you really want to save your relationship with your wife, you need to address the issues underneath this attitude of hers of avoiding sex.
Women are complicated creatures; and men can never imagine what is going through our minds. To give you an idea: we think we are too fat, or too skinny, or not so young and sexy anymore...so we avoid sex. We are also sometimes unconsciously afraid of getting pregnant ...so we avoid sex.
Or sometimes we feel the pressure to have such a great time and to make the man feel like he's SUCH A STUD that we avoid sex altogether....See what I mean?
Routine and habit are another thrill-killer; so you need to talk about WHY she's holding back and not sharing her body with you. (nother thing: women like to feel comfortable in order to have sex. If we feel threatened we won't be able to relax or enjoy it.) Could it be that she already knows about your affair?
Maybe you think you have covered your tracks very well, but women have a 6th sense....
I think you are playing with fire...and you know that sooner or later you will get burned. I think it's time you went to a therapist and dealt with the issues that are making you do this to yourself. You know what you are doing is not right, no matter how you try to justify yourself. Please think things over and choose....but be honest with yourself. Good luck.
Bring her a fresh bouquet of flowers every day for a week. Always be showered and nice smelling (not like you poured it all over yourself). Wake up earlier than her and make breakfast. Do the housework. Spend more time at home instead of park meetings with the ';other woman';. Give it a try for at least a week, ignoring all the cold shoulders. During this time, don't ask her for anything (namely, sex) in return. Then the next week, give her back massages, rub her feet and ankles while they rest on your lap. Ignore her complaints, don't give up. And don't demand any sex. THEN see what happens. I'm sure she will start to feel more sexy. Also, lots of women who have poor body image will be disgusted with themselves and can't imagine anyone loving their ';ugly'; body. Maybe she feels like you just need her for sexual release, rather than actually desiring her, as a person.
Just thought of something else....if she is very overweight, she may have messed up hormones, which in turn can mess up libido. But I'd check that as a last resort. Try other stuff first. Oh, and by ';ignore'; I mean don't get all upset when she complains. Just be persistent.
Have you told your wife how bad it bothers you concerning your sex life? If you havn't you might want to sit her down for a long talk. But cheating is the wrong answer to any of this. And the feelings that you are xperiencing for this other woman are only sexual. I dont know why we women cant come off it sometimes...and men dont take too well to going without. Perhaps your wife is depressed. That can cause a decrease in sex drive, or maybe she just doesn't feel sexy anymore. Try making her feel that way, go out ona hot date like you did back in the good ol days. Hire a sitter or leave the kid with granny for a night, seduce her like there is no tomorrow. Couples tend to get stuck in that ';comfortable rut';. Now you have to find a way to dig out of it, both of you, not just one. I'm sure you're not the same fellor either, people change. But you can change it back, it's not impossible.
I think you and your wife need to have a big chat about this issue. Communication is the key, tell her how you feel about this situation and ask her how she feels about it and try to come to a compromise.
You shouldn't have to live the rest of your life miserable but that doesn't condone infidelity. I'm sure you don't want to keep cheating on her and you'll have more to worry about if you get caught!
Just talk to her and see how things go...
Hope this helps and all the best!
Dont be agressive maybe thats why she doesnt like to have sex with you, try to be gentle with her smooth kiss her (NOT ROUGHLY THO) be nice about it. If she doesnt feel that she wants to have sex try your best to understand her dont try to push her to do things she doesnt want to. about your affair hmm i really really think your wife has push you to do that, not that your a great person to do what your doing either, but try to work out things with your wife. If things do not seem to be working then i really think you should file for divorce. Good luck!
This is a little complicate question but I will do my best.
First,you cheated on your Wife, that was wrong. You must ask your Wife for forgiveness out of senerity from your heart and then Never do it again. Trust has been broken and it will take some time to get it back again, it does not happen over night. It will not be easy, but it is not impossible either. Just takes Time. Second, your Wife should not withhold sex from you, that is wrong and any smart woman should know better.
(but some do not know bless there heart). Try to repair your marriage, and do whatever it takes to get it back healthy again. It will take both of you to do this. Thirdly, sounds like your Wife had some issues with. Normal, good hearted women will not withhold sex for no reason. Can you think of what some of the reasons may have been going on with her?
As a man, Husband you need Respect from her. As a woman, Wife she needs Love from you. I am not saying she was right, I am saying there had to be reasons. You know, this may shock you but the more loving, understanding, caring,responsive, (touching) in a non sexual way you are to her, the more responsive she will be to you sexually. I hope this helped you. It is all true. Best luck, God bless you both and i will say a prayer for your marriage. You can do it!!!!!!
If your relationship is good outside of the bedroom it will usually be good inside the bedroom. You should communicate with your wife and tell her how you feel. Try to make her feel special - spend quality time together having fun and relaxing - reignite the spark that first drew you together. I have a feeling that if your wife finds out what you've been up to you won't even get the chance to try and make things better because she will probably be out the door.
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife. I am a woman, and the ';too tired'; line, is one that women use when they do not want to have sex with a particular man. Unfortunately, marriage is tough and one needs to work on keeping the passion going and not fall into a routine. Instead of forcing your wife to make love or have sex with you, try taking her out to a nice dinner, bring flowers and try for her to fall in love again. It is not a matter that you are repulsive, it is a matter that she probably has taken you for granted, gotten too comfortable, and this is how many women lose their husbands. I know that you have a little one, but if after trying and talking over, the situation does not change, some times it is best to part. You do not want your child to be raised in a home where there is no love and see the parents angry and fighting with each other. My best advice is that you need to have a very good talk with your wife and tell her the way you feel. For the moment, don't even dare tell her about the other woman. Believe me, I neither blame you, nor judge you. However, having a side fling is not the answer.
Well, it's probably not you. I am the mother of toddlers and I'd have to say my sex drive is completely gone now. My husband is like you are and it's not that I don't like him anymore it's just that I feel I can't relax easily anymore and I believe women are different than men in the way that we need to not be in mommy land to feel the mood. But that doesn't matter anymore because you've already gone to far with the cheating thing. If my husband cheated and told me I would probably leave him but I would be fair in splitting our life's stuff (house, children,etc.) but if he didn't tell me and I found out on my own, I would take everything from him. When you cheat and go home and have sex with your partner you put the innocent at risk of getting diseases they don't deserve
The same thing happened to me and my husband. Our stories are exact. I never wanted sex, he wanted it all the time. He found someone else who would give it to him.
Please, and I am speaking from experience, tell your wife how bad it is for you. Leave out the part of the other woman. Dont hurt her with the whole truth. But let the other woman go so you can clear your head. with 2 women in the equation, you will never have a clear head. Just go to your wife and tell her how badly you need her, how you want her. tell her that it is HER you want, but you are only human and your afraid you could make a terrible mistake. make her see how her disinterest in you is affecting you. Ask her if she is happy? Ask her if she still desires you. Do anything to get her to see the light. I wish my husband had done that, but instead he chose the easy way out and broke my heart. Make her see how important sex is in a healthy marriage. Sex is that special time for just the two of you to connect.
I dont know what to say. I wish I was there with your wife to tell her and get her to see what she is throwing away cuz she is just too tired or taking you for granted. I did the same thing with my husband. I guess I thought sex wasnt important, and boy was I wrong. You simply have to talk to her. Be blunt, tell her you need her, you miss her, dont sound selfish and make it all about your needs. If she asks you if you have cheated yet, tell her no, IF there is no chance she will ever find out, but you have got to drop this other woman.
I wish you luck.
Word to the wise , if your considering breaking your marriage and this other woman's marriage apart , your 2nd marriage to each other is starting out on fantasy so your chance of making a happy marriage is lower then the normal percentage of 2nd marriages.
So with that said.
You stated you wish your wife would chuck on some lingerie and just seduce you ? well sweetheart when was the last time you took your wife shopping for something your both into?men seem to forget this is a 2 way street just because we're female doesnt mean we are always in touch with our femininity , and thats your biggest misguided thought , you want some lingerie then make an effort , take the girl shopping and spoil her for 1 day it wont kill you or your damn bank account.
As to picnics in the park with the cheater encourager when was the last time you walked in from work said right I've arranged a sitter get your best gear on and lets go do something , men dont think of this either all they want is the sex and forget that women need something to entice them , so many fools sit here both men and women stating men are visual people , well guess what you fool's women are physical creatures if you dont make an effort we're not gunna make it for you.
When was the last time you took a Saturday or Sunday off and just took your wife and child out looking at markets or mountain walking? , you complain about you BOTh being over weight so why not take control and start cooking for you both healthy meals involving chicken / fish , water vegetable's /salads? you work all day well what does she do while you work who's looking after your child? its no picnic for her either.
Couples spend way to much time seeing the negative and go running to skanks for their pleasure (and by skanks that stands for men and women who encourage people to cheat with them) , put the effort into your marriage your putting into your affair and you may be surprised how things turn around.
Its pathetic seriously time to dump the cheater encourager and set your sight's on your damn wife mate.I dont accept excuses I accept problem solving.
You do know is possible to rape your wife, right? Don't push her. Not everyone wants to have sex.
You had to do what you had to do. Why do some women get married and think they can stop having sex and then get upset when their husband steps out? You're wrong, but you're human. Your wife wasn't taking care of you. I don't agree with you are your wife. You're wrong because you had an affair and your wife is wrong for not doing her wifely duties. It's only going to get worst between you and your wife. The longer you continue the affair the worst your marriage is going to get. There is a saying, ';if you don't take care of home, someone else will be happy to';.
Jumping into bed wasn't the greatest idea, but okay.. moving on from that...
I feel similar to your wife when she says she feels harassed.
These are things my husband does that make me feel that way.
When we are in bed, he will cuddl eup behind me which I like, but then he'll push his erection into me, and I really don't need that when we're cuddling and going to sleep.
Also, when he would lay in bed for an hour, and pretend to sleep just to see if I would go use the bathroom right next door and then make me feel guilty into coming into the room to have sex.
He would try to touch me in places that I said I didn't want to be touched, and he would stop for a little while and then do it again, and then I learned not to trust what he would do. So even when he was trying to be nice and show affection, it would turn me off.
I told him to let me come to him, which may take a couple months, because that way he will know that I am reaching out to him and that it is okay to do some things together intimately. He has to realize that his method isn't working, pushing the issue isn't working, and that patience is key.
Although, who knows if things will work out you know?
Hope this strikes a chord in some way. Maybe she needs a little fun on the town with you? I know I need some fun.
i have 5 kids.. her lack of interest may be because of many things and alot of medical... good luck to you both.
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