Hi. Ive been with my husband for 7years and married for over 5. We have 2 kids and Im pregnant. I love him and I dont believe in divorce but I want to be happy and feel like Im in a relationship. We have sex (obviously) but no kissing, cuddling, anything really. It does not feel like we are together at all. We dont go out, we have but it feels like we are friends and nothing more. We dont hold hands or talk and I feel very lonely and invisable. Ive told him how I feel and he ignores it and doesnt even try. Ive tried kissing him or cuddling and he acts like he is uncomfortable and moves away. I know he isnt cheating b/c he just started his new job and he works with my moms BF and when he isnt working he is home playing video games (he comes home and plays until 4am then sleeps until an hour b4 he has to work). I hate doing everything myself and feeling like a single parent and then going to bed alone. He dosnt do anything around the house or with the kids. I keep everything done and make sure he eats before and after work and the only time he acknowledges me is when he is hungry/horny/ or needs something. I dont like feeling like he is just another one of my kids. Ive tried getting dressed in lingerie and all that and he didnt even notice and Ive run out of idea's. Ive even filed for a divorve knowing I wouldnt go through with it just to see if he really didnt want to be with me and was ok with it. He got very upset and told me how much he loved me and everything and begged me to stay but never changed. If anyone has any advice please share. Thanks.Need advice...Married 5yrs and I want to feel like Im in a relationship?
Sorry to say but you need to prove to him you mean what you say when you tell him you are not happy and want out kick him out and not let him back in until he changes if he does something like seeing other women while you are separated instead of working on himself then you have lost nothing if he wants to stay married to you because he loves you and not just for the kids and convenience he will change.
Btw i hope it works out you sound like a really good woman who loves her husband and family.Need advice...Married 5yrs and I want to feel like Im in a relationship?
Sweetie if he won't change with you serving him papers he just WILL not change. It might be the confort zone he is use to and that is why he doesn't want you to leave. You deserve to be loved the way you want. I would go through with it.
Every night till 4am could be alot of the problem . Get rid of the games and things should get better over time . I would rahter be playing games in the bedroom .
You seem stuck in a routine and you need to break that! You just need the spice back and some time off. A second honeymoon to re-connect with each other.
It seems to me like he may be depressed... You should try to get him to a therapist even though men are so against that... but try to sneak it in he might need antidepressants.
stop doing everything for him - maybe then he'll notice!!!
Time goes on but people never change.
your husband seriously only gets one hour of sleep per night??
Damn, i'd start there... sounds like he only loves video games i'm sorry to say... he needs to grow up a bit.
He said he was going to change but hasn't so I guess he didn't meant it if hes back to his old ways. I would be tired of doing things by myself and I would want to move out if I were you because lets face it you do everything by yourself anyways hes just kind of there. I know you're pregnant and have kids together but that doesn't mean you have to stay and be miserable. Usually I would say give him another chance but it sounds as though hes had his chance and just doesn't care. good luck to you.
Get rid of the games. Pack up the kids and take them to your mothers for a night and the two of you go out for yourselves. No buddies! Even if for a weekend. Let him know in a very serious way that you feel you are in a relationship and not a marriage. Ask him where he sees your marriage 10 years down the road.
Wow. You sound like an amazing women. Look...my wife does not reach for my hand...does not touch me or hold me...does not kiss me on her own. It sucks. But that is the way she is. I know she loves me. I hold her hand...touch her...initiate in the br...kiss her...everything. Its funny...her excuse is that the ';man'; should be the one starting all of this...I do...and she really does not change. We have a 14 year old daughter from her past relationship, a 3 year old son together and a baby due any day now...I smother them all will kisses and I know that daughter is not used to the affection...I think it depends on how you were brought up...I understand that this comes from my mother and her father (grand father that I never met) who was also very openly affectionate.
it sounds like hes not happy it could be the 7 year Itch.that happen to me with my first husband i dated him 5 years before we got married and after that 7th year %26amp; 4 kid ago i got the same thing done that your husband is doing to you. we both agreed to get a divorce,some people are smart enough to know when it's over,and for the most part it worked out for both of us i have been married to my second husband for over 17 years now and my ex i also remarried.so ask your self this(how smart are you?) good luck hon it's not easy.
Try telling him specifically what you need. Don't make a big deal out of it, don't sit him down for a long discussion about what's wrong with your relationship. Simply say, ';hey honey, can I cuddle with you on the couch while we watch this movie?'; Or ';Will you hold my hand?'; and so on and so forth.
If he actually says ';no'; to you consistently whenever you ask him for some sort of specific affection, then either he's not in love with you anymore or there's something about you that he simply detests. Either way, he's your husband for life so you both need to learn how to deal with each other's shortcomings.
Good luck!
You should be happily I mean isn't the goal too have your husband as your good friend?
My husband is my good friend, why do you need the validation of feeling as though you two are in a relationship? You obviously are if you have kids and are married,
I know how you feel though because I tend to feel that way too.
Sometimes we will go out and I will feel like we are not together.
But I get over it because I know that he is my man and that's the end of story.
You should try to spend a little more quality time together but remember between kids, work and a marriage things and time gets tight.
Just be grateful that you have a good man that loves you and his family.
I hear how you are feeling, but wonder was he like this before you married him? Because what you saw is what you got. I would talk to him again and this time in front of a relationship therapist. He needs to meet you half way at least. Whatever, you do don't go out and have an affair because you feel lonely. Sounds like the man loves you but needs to to learn some social and family skills. A lot of people do not learn this when they are growing up. His parent may be the exact way he is and he thinks he is acting ';normal'; Good Luck, your marriage is worth working on, but you both have to work hard.
ouch!
i think you seriously need to go to marriage counselling OR sit down and have a talk with your husband. tell him how he is making you feel. if things don't change maybe try a 'trial' seperation and see if that helps at all.
i got married last august and my hubby got 'deathly' ill right after that. we haven't had much of a romantic married life together. i've told him before that i feel like we're room mates and not husband/wife. i told him he needs to practice showing intamcy even though we can't have sex..
we try and take our showers together, we make sure to cuddle when watching tv (which he does LOTS), we make sure to kiss eachother good night and good morning...
stop doing stuff for him, leave him at home with the kids while you eat out for a few days or eat at your moms. And take the wallet, so he cant order out. Never mind dont do that, that will end up with you both spending more money. Give him some chores, ask him to help you in the kitchen, Don't nag treat him with respect. Ask him why he is avoiding you and blocking you out of his mind. Playing video games that long is avoidance of something.He may be trying to avoid doing something outside the home. Just talk with him, ask him to take you out to dinner than go to the park and walk around just talk. you could take the kids to your parents for a few days dont cook, have sex or clean and see how long it takes him to put the video games down. And don't get mad about it just wait until you get his attention.than explain to him how you feel and how you feel about the fact that he doesnt change or try. Tell him you can't live like this any longer. Dont threaten him or anything. Ask him like you would ask him to pass the sugar, does he want to be married? does he want to be happy? Right now your not happy and the constant video game playing tells you something is on his mind, what is it? Is it another woman? Another life, a different family? When do you and him start interacting with another, the way things are going you two wont make it another five years, tell him that. See what he says. Tell him your talking to him now before you get really pissed off and fed up cause by the time you pack your bags and pack up the kids it will be too late and it wont be much he can really do or so. Ask him is that what he wants? Your not threatening him but its really inevitable that things will progress in that fashion.
MARRIAGE COUNSELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I recommend a male counselor so your husband doesn't feel ';attacked';. The great thing about counseling is there is a 3rd party to sort of ';interpret'; what you are saying to each other. If your husband says he doesn't want a divorce, he will probably agree to go if it will save your marriage.
What you have described is a half-marriage, and it is very reasonable for you to expect more. A counselor can help you determine what is reasonable for each of you to expect from the other. For instance, the excessive ';hiding'; in the video games can be addressed.
Have you ever asked your husband if he is depressed?
Your situation isn't hopeless, but you need to do something proactive to see change.
it sounds like you are still in love and he isnt that into it. he only ';loves you when he is horny or hungry but that is treating you like a maid and a sex toy. take the kids with you to mom's and stay for a while. It will show you that you can get on without him.
fill out that divorce paper and take it to court. get that lazy, video game obsessed jerk out of your house and out of your life. find a man who really cares about you and your feelings and who listens to you.
you are better than him
I have been exactly where you are now. It led to my husband cheating on me and him coming forth and telling me so. What I recommend is having a serious conversation with him. Try to make him understand, in a calm fasion, how you feel and what you would like him to do to make things better. I found with my husband, part of him not listening was that I was always angry when I spoke to him. Good Luck.
If you've done all of this and he has done nothing then you've really done your part... You can't do everything and he do nothing, he has to do his part too. I've been there, done that and divorced him and now I am happier than ever. Try talking to him again and let him know that you've done everything you can do but he has to try too... You can't keep doing everything without him contributing to your family and emotional needs too. Marriage is a partnership and with that there has to be two contributing factors, not just one.
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