You can't control his emotions, but you can control your own. If you are unhappy in your marriage and you've done everything you could to make it work, there's no shame in ending it.Married women, advice please!?
I'm sorry your finding your marriage hard work, losing your mum though is an awful blow and will take time to come to terms with, your husband should support you and help you though this difficult phase.
Going though your phone and e-mail suggest he's insecure and not sure about your feelings towards him, as i'm sure he's picked up on what your feeling.
Sit down and really think about what you want from your husband and then ask him to do the same, if there's a lot of differences you may have to think about some mediation, it can really help with communication between the two of you.
As for feeling depressed, i've been there for various reasons and it's hard to cope with the way you feel some days are better than others. what helped me was going to the gym taking it out on a few weights and by the end my problems were stil there but i felt better able to cope.
i hope this helps
take care and i wish you well
if your not happy naturally then you know theres something wrong.do something about it no matter how painfull it is at the time.you have to go through the crap to get on the sunshine road.
Be honest - the fact that you don't want to hurt him shows you still care. Ask him to sit down and talk openly and frankly. Tell him the good points as well as the bad to balance things out, but give him the opportunity to do the same.
We all have our ups and downs, I agree with the woman that said- you still care about him, you don't want to hurt him-maybe the love isn't gone. You are still faithful? Still care about him? Maybe you can just take a brake away for a while, spend some time away, when you come back you may feel different. When enough time goes by that you just know that you don't love him anymore then I think you'd need to take further action.
I married young, at 18, and I don't know why I did it, but I just sort of drifted into it, and realised after it was a big mistake, EVERYTHING he did annoyed me, they way he ate, spoke, walked , everything, I was only happy when he wasn't around. Luckily for me, he found someone else and left, and I was saved the decision. But just sit an think, do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? If you do something today, this time next year, all the drama and tears will be over, and you will have a new life to look forward to. If you do nothing, you will look back in a years time and be sad. You can't do it without hurting him if he still cares for you. You can do it as kindly as possible, but you can't sacrifice your own life for his. He is not a secure person if he looks at our texts and emails, and that is sad, but not your fault. Don't let his self pity control you.
Clearly you have to tan this chap's @rse.
if you are THAT unhappy then leave if the love is gone theres nothing you can do to change the way you feel
i think that he is feeling perhaps that he cant provide for you like a man should, maybe lost his confidence as a man when he went bankrupt. It is normal to feel annoyed everytime you look at him, but i have been there and its just a phase in your life as a married couple. you have to make sure that you talk about your feelings but be careful sounding like you are putting him down, remember, he already feels like that after the bankrupcy and he may need your support instead of your critisism.
you losing your mother must be the a terrible thing to go through and maybe you should explain to him that you need his support and you should also give him yours.
I have been married 6 years and i have had my ups and downs but if you share your feelings with each other things will get better, communication is a must in a marriage HONEST!
he may be looking at your texts and emails because he feels insecure, maybe he thinks that you may leave him for someone else, as he may be feeling sorry for himself, he must be feeling useless as a man because of the bankrupcy. talk to him about it, but dont criticise, because he is already down.
now, taking tablets blocks your emotions and doesnt let you show your feelings and talk about them. consult your doctor, perhaps he may suggest another way to deal with your deppression, perhaps having counselling may help deal with your bereavement and with your marriage problems.
good luck
bianca
First off, {hugs}...you could probably use one.
Secondly, honey, you married the man. You made a vow to him. I'm glad you didn't say, ';I'm about to divorce him,'; and I hope you're not thinking along those lines. There are ways to work through this. You really need to sit down and talk with your husband face to face. He needs to hear, straight from you, the way that you are feeling. Even something as simple as, ';Honey, I really don't want this to sound like I don't like you at all, but...there are times when you get on my nerves.'; Sometimes we women get annoyed, aggravated, hurt, upset, or just ticked off, for no apparent reason! My husband spent yesterday afternoon trying to figure out what on earth set me off, and I couldn't even tell him myself! Sometimes we don't even know! Your husband needs to know that sometimes something he says or does pokes at your last nerve. Don't make him feel like he's walking on egg shells around you, but let him know that your feelings are fragile (not just in the cry-baby sense). After this first conversation about it, keep up the communication! Always let him know how you're feeling (gently) so that he will know when to leave you alone, when to help you, when to be affectionate, what you need when you need it. But remember, when he is sensetive towards your needs, this isn't an opportunity to be spoiled. Be sensetive to his as well. Good luck:)
Please see your doctor about adjusting your dosage, because you sound like you're still depressed. You consistently feel annoyed, hopeless, and fed up, all of which can be symptoms of depression. Furthermore, you recently experienced the loss of your mother, which can contribute to increased feelings of depression.
Studies consistently show that the best treatment for depression is a combination of medication and counseling. Therefore, please get into counseling also. I advise you not to make any decisions without the input of a counselor, because depression can affect judgment.
Talk to a counselor. Try to work out your feelings so you can make an informed decision on where you want your life to go.
Your husband too may also be depressed and feeling insecure with being made bankrupt. he may sense your feelings for him have changed hence him checking up on you. Your depression and bereavement may not be making you see clearly as you are under great stress.
Sounds like you may need some time out. Have you a friend you could stay with for a few days to try and sort yourself out? Do you want to save your marriage? Maybe counselling is what you need?
I am so sorry you are hurting. Don't be quick to turn away from your husband. It is very possible that the depression is clouding your thoughts. Instead, try to get some counseling and talk to your husband. Try to think of the positive things about him. It sounds like he still cares for you. You both have been through so much and you are very young. But, it doesn't sound like you are totally ';done'; with your husband. You care about his feelings? Why? Dwell on the good. Talk to your friends. Do something nice for yourself and one other person. (This usually helps me.) God Bless and Good Luck.
If you have worked on your marriage and feel there is no way to be happy, then don't be afraid to end it. But if you haven't tried all the roads to seeing if your marriage could work then do that first. You don't want to end a relationship on miscommunication.
If you haven't already try marriage counseling. It will help you both to share your feelings and emotions. And this way communication between you two will be positive.
Try talking things out and truly listening to each other. Because it sounds like you both have a lot going on. Talking and just listening to each other could help. Good luck sweetie.
You poor lamb - you are going through it! You know, you do have to talk to your husband no matter whether you hurt him or not. Its probable that not talking to him is hurting him more. You need to explain how you feel right now. Its because you feel so distant from him that these negative feelings are crowding round - where is your best friend - he is there and you both need each other at the moment. Even if he does feel sorry for himself, you can be a support to each other. Its you and him against the world - if, later on when things are calmer, you still have negative feelings about him, you will have to address your relationship. To turn your world upside down at this time is may be not the answer.
you are both in need of support and need a therapist to help you#
you especially should have been guidance that antidepressents are a bandaid the stuff is still going on inside and only a therapist can help you aleviate the guilt and anger that is stocked up in there
when you need support from your husband he is unable to give it asa career define a man and he has lost his so he is not only not a provider he feels a failure to you
he cant be the rock you expect as he doesnt have anything propping him up
seek a grief counsellor to talk about your loss and think of your own needs first
try and get off the antideprtessents in time and seek couples therapy to patch up your differences
otherwise you both will alienate yourselves and end up separated
Babs, dont feel like your alone in this world. I too lost my dad in december, the 25 th be exact. What a better day to remember him. The day we celebrate the Lord's birth. What a better day. Any whos, The vows we make before God are ones that are not to be taken lightly. We make the promises to love, no matter how hard the times get, no matter how bad the situations my be. What you need to do is to get God back into your heart. Ask Him to help you. He will give you the answers. Get in touch with others that are stong in faith and especially those that have endured the tests of time.
I have been married for over 31 years. There have been some bad times, but there have been many more good times. It is the scale of balance that we must look at. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to give me a hollar. I hope that my advice is good, solid and most of all important enough for you to concider. I pray for the best of this world for you and your family. Dont feel discouraged about the things of this world, Be concerned about the things that will matter in Heaven.
Sonny
There are some sensible answers here. But may I try a different angle?
Your husband has been through a rotten time; almost certainly worse than yours. The failure of his business - and farming is more than that, it's a life, a commitment - will have been almost like the failure of a marriage. Your mother's death will have hit him too; doubly, as he's sorry for you as well as missing her. He will feel inadequate, because responsible for the family's lower standard of living. He very likely thinks you despise him.
So, no surprise, he's retreating into himself in depression. He needs you. You married him (remember?) for better for worse, for richer for ;poorer, in sickness and in health.
If you give him the boot now, he will suspect that you never did love him; only his money and position. The feeling of betrayal will sour the memories even of the good times.
On the other hand if you see this through together, there might be many more good years ahead.
Think about it.
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