Please give me advice. I have been married for 10 years, unhappy for most of these years, to be honest I married my wife just to have children. I have 3 children now, but I can't stand my wife. We live with my parents and she drives my parents crazy as well.
I have thought for many years to end things with her, but I know if I do I think I would have to leave her in the house with the kids because if she moves out it will be very hard for her financially (which carres over to the kids). I am 39 years old and honestly I do not want to spend the rest of my life like this - it's not good for me and not good for her. She deserves to be with someone who will love her truly.
Despite my relationship with her, I know she loves the kids and the kids love her and need her, but they need me too. Should I stay in this relationship for the sake of the kids, at least until they get older or should I move on with my life and end my marriage.
Thank you - I appreciate your feedback.I need advice - married for 10 years and unhappy?
Altogether, this is a very bad situation....I wish I could just tell you to move on.. but things aren't that simple..., but....at the same time you want to be happy and you know its not with her. Why dont' you sit down with her and tell her your feelings...Is she employed, does she have her independence away from you? I sure hope so because if she is 100 % dependent upon you, you do have a huge problem...Personallly, I don't see you keeping the marriage together, if you aren't happy...Life is too short to spend it with someone you don't love..But how can you move on if you and she and the kids live with your parents. Why haven't you moved out and had a place of your own? I wish you all the best but it is going to take a miracle to straighten this one out..I need advice - married for 10 years and unhappy?
Follow these instructions:
1. Move your family OUT. You all should not be at home with your parents after 10 years of marriage.
2. You BOTH should have jobs. She will need a career as well as you.
2a. Get a divorce and prepare to pay a HUGE amount of child support to your wife for your three kids.
2b. Reconnect with your wife and learn how to work together and love each other again.
i think you created this problem yourself. she's tired of living under your mama's roof. get another house where you can live with her and the kids without anybody else and see if things will change. also, try be nice/romantic to her and you'll see wonders.
First time I hear a man gets married just to have kids! Why didn't you wait to meet the right person with whom to have kids? Unless it was an organized marriage.
Anyway, you should speak to each other and sort things out.
Just get a divorce already and save you to some misery
My feedback is why at the age of 39 and after ten years of marriage are you still living with your parents???
I'd be driving everyone crazy too if my husband had me living with his parents. On second thought he wouldn't be my husband anymore if he expected that.
Try getting into a place of your own with your little family (meaning your wife and kids ONLY). Your wife might be a different person when she doesn't constantly have to deal with in laws. That would drive anyone batty.
How in the world can you expect a marriage to work if you are still living at home with your parents?
You all are being unfair to this woman. Not having charge of her own home is not healthy for anyone and especially the children. It's an excuse to use it's your culture to justify living with your parents. Does your culture encourage the N laws to disrespect the daughter n law by belittling her to her husband? Does your culture teach you to use a woman for any reason even if it's for children? Would you want your daughter or son to be treated the way you guys are treating their mother?
Quit pretending that you are wanting a divorce for the best interests of your wife needing someone who loves her truly. You want a divorce because you want to get a new wife. I seriously doubt that you will want to take care of your parents alone.
Man-up and assume responsibility for the choices you made. Now because you are going thru some mid-life crisis you are considering abandoning your wife and children.
Shame on you for not defending your wife to your parents when they attack her character and person. I would think that your culture would teach more respect for it's immediate family members.
A man leaves his mother and father and sticks to his wife...
You know you are truly a self centered person! You married only to have children with this woman! Why did you choose her to have your children? There had to be some type of connection. Do you and your work have jobs outside the home? I really liked the part where you stated your wife would suffer financially and would carry over to your children. Maybe your wife would enjoy leaving you with your parents and all of the children to tend to. Did you ever look at the situation from that view point? I bet you haven't. Most people who are only focused on themselves wouldn't. If you weren't such a coward you would let your wife read your question. Why don't you do that and advise everyone how that went. Stop focusing on yourself and focus on getting a home for your wife and children where there is freedom.
I'm afraid there is not much to say to this, but do what you want - i really don't think it is fair that you married her just for to have children, did you ever think to yourself, if i marry someone i am not truly in love with and have children, then i'll grow used to having her as a wife.
You didn't really put much thought into it, it isn't fair to have children with someone you don't truly love, because the worse thing for children to deal with is having single parents and you knew that this would end up being the case, because you didn't marry her because you loved her.
I suggest you go to marriage councilling to try and at least work out and once you've done that, and if it doesn't succeed you can at least say you tried, because i genuinely think you have, having been with someone you don't care for, for 10 years. You chose this life when you married someone you weren't head of heels in love with and had children - and that is no ones fault but your own.
Good luck with this, I truly hope you thinks work out for all of you. Be happy (:
in some cultures, marriages are arranged and whether or not the son or daughter likes it, he/she has to marry the one chosen by their parents. he/she has no say in it because /she is considered immature and cannot make their own decisions. and in most cases, they live with their parents because filial piety is expected. they can't just abandon their parents.
you are not in love with your wife and yet you have three children with her? you have to remember that children are forever and if you are going to initiate divorce, the children are going to suffer. not you or your wife. does your wife know you don't love her?
if you are intent on walking out on the marriage, think of the children and what it would do to them. your wife could just take the children with her and never let you see them again.
you should sit down with your wife and talk. think of all the good things about her and not the bad. maybe you could find a tiny spark that could ignite romance between the two of you. also you should talk to your parents and tell them that you want to move out. there will be stiff opposition from them and they will accuse your wife of putting you up to it.
all parties need to talk things out before deciding on the final action. don't put yourself before your family. there's a lot at stake. THINK.
talk to your wife and make your mind...u can take mutual divorce where you will be their father and you can meet and visit them also...but it is your fault that you was thought that just cause of childs u married her...u don't have any right to spoil anyone life....I suggest if she is not doing anything wrong, then talk to her and make the relation better, else go for mutual divorce where both will be happy, i m sure she will not, but there is no other way looking...
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