Before you judge, please know a bit more about what's going on: I've been married for 4 yrs and I love him, it's just ending... I feel it, so does he. We've even talked to a divorce lawyer. We're just two different people headed in two different directions, plus... our past is bad. Very bad. He's still working on an anger problem that has made me fear for my life more than a few times. I don't really have friends these days, they're all his friends, so I started looking for people to chat with online (just to chat) I was getting so lonely. My husband would go out til all hrs of the night drinking and leave me alone... so I was just looking for friendship. I think I accidently found more: he's far away, 1200 miles to be exact, all the way across the sea in the UK (I'm in the US) talking to him is like filling something I'm missing, he makes me laugh. Im starting to care for him a lot, and he is too. We've even talked on the phone a couple of times. If my husband divorced me todayI need advice: married, falling in love with someone else....?
cheatI need advice: married, falling in love with someone else....?
ok, forget about the other guy for a minute.
It sounds like you're in a bad marriage with an abusive drinker. If you fear for your life, you don't need to be in that marriage. Start saving up NOW and go ahead and get that divorce as soon as you can.
Only when you're finally free of your husband will you be able to truly decide if the other guy is simply a safety net because you're afraid of being alone or if it's real.
You really really need to think about yourself. If your husband is so bad, you don't owe him anything. Get out of the house now. If he's made you fear for your life ever, you need to get out. Your Internet pal is just an escape for you and is keeping you from dealing with the reality, depending on him to make things right in your life. It's your life and only you can do it!
You need to GO. What do you mean ';if my husband would divorce me today...'; can't you divorce him? I think being with him is coloring your reality and it will effect future relationships the longer you stay with him. Get outta there TODAY.
One thing at a time, hon. First, realize the marriage is over, if for no other reason than abuse.
Then don't go wandering off to the other side of the planet to find love. Long distance relationships barely last 6 months after you meet. Just divorce the guy, and seek your options...... Yahoo personals, Match, e-Harmony, are great place to meet nice people... (and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church).
(psst.... am happy for you that you had no kids with this guy... woulda been a biiiig mistake.
';Falling in love'; - people like to make it sound like it's out of their control.
You make *hundreds* of conscious decisions to be in love - to spend time with someone, to call them, to talk to them, to feel a certain way, to kiss them, to sleep with them, to allow yourself to be alone with them, to lie to your husband about what you are doing, %26amp; more.
Please don't give us that ';falling in love'; crapola like it's beyond your control.
You CHOSE to be with this guy.
I went through something similar, though without the long-distance relationship in the wings, so I understand where you are and what you're going through. If we were talking over coffee, the main advice I'd have is to visit him (or have him visit you) several times and get to know each other in person before doing anything as permanent as moving. If it still seems like it could be a good relationship, have him help you find a job over there first, so that you won't be completely on your own once you move, and so that you still have options if the relationship doesn't work out.
Well, internet people are not always what you think they are. Before you consider running off to Neverland, please get to know this fella more. Maybe a visit (once you have filed for the divorce and are moving on) would be cool.
But I would first try to heal myself and get over the current situation you are in. It sounds like you have not put your feelings to rest with your husband. If he does treat you badly and you want out, then you need to move on but be catuious in the future.
It may be a different experience with a man than a woman, but I've fallen in love over the Internet four times so far, and in every case, the reality of actually being together wasn't very close to the fantasy world of chat, email, and phone. I'd suggest not burning any bridges or making any commitments on the basis of long-distance-only communications. Do go ahead and split from your husband if that's appropriate for that relationship, but don't do it in order to be with the guy in the UK, at least not before you've spent some time together in person.
Well by definition of many you are already cheating. It sounds to me like your mind is already made up....Why are you asking the question?
Been in your situation. All Im going to say is it is complicated. If you want to talk ...please contact me through my profile. I will be more than happy to share in private but the story is very personal.
I totally understand you sweetie! You should find love again! If things are not working for you two then there is no reason to beat around the bush! Find you a man, wait sounds like you have =D I would keep talking to this guy and maybe you guys will fall even more in love.
Its probably for the best that you move on and find someone that makes you feel wanted and good. I say more power to you honey!
Lets say you and your husand follow through and get a divorce. It seems like your already on that path since you've been talking to a divorce lawyer. I'm not here to judge and I dont think its right for anyone else to either. I do have a question though.. Why are you automatically contemplating on moving there to be with him. He couldn't come here to the U.S?
How long have you been talking to this guy for? Maybe the lack of attention you were getting from your husband is making it seem like this guy is such a great guy and the one you were supposed to be with, when in reality he isnt, and your just that unhappy with your current situation that any sort of attention/ affection you get, you perceive it to be love.
I would definitley get a seperation, clear your head a bit. Figure out what it is you want to do. Saving money is always a good idea, but dont do it soley for the purpose to go move to UK. This is irrational.
Give it some more time. You obviously cant fight the way you feel. If you really love this guy and this guy really loves you, then he wont presure you into anything and he'll wait.
Ask him to come visit you. Or you visit him.. but not now, wait until you settle things with your husband first and clear your head. For, going to UK is not a decision that should be made in a hurry.. its going to take planing/ saving( if you dont already have money set aside) and well some time.. get to know this guy a little more first.. You never know, there are some crazies out there that will tell you anything you want to hear. Be smart about it.
Good luck
No comments:
Post a Comment